We look back at last week’s opening segment. We get the highlights of it, which sells the message well, especially considering they are Mick Foley’s parts.
We then head into the Impact Zone where Mick Foley comes to the ring to address the crowd. He asks Anderson to join him in the ring, which he does, and then Foley reminds him of when they met some years back and were with an injured serviceman at the hospital with Miss America. Miss America meant to say they can take a picture of her with the serviceman and then she can take a picture of them with the serviceman, but what she ended up suggesting was that they do her first and then she can do the two of them together. Anderson says that she meant it right the first time. The point is they both understand the nature of the wrestling business and the biggest lie he ever told in his career, one he told over and over, was that he was okay, and what he needed was someone to tell him that he wasn’t okay. So he’s here to tell Anderson that he’s not okay, and to think of his family and the future little assholes he and his wife will have, and he’s here to tell Anderson to think twice before he gets in the ring with Matt Morgan. Anderson thanks him and the people, and he respects Mick and his opinion, but he finds it offensive that he’s doubting Anderson and calling him a liar. He’s been checked out and medically cleared to wrestle Morgan, and Foley says he doesn’t think he’s not ready, but he also doesn’t think Anderson’s thinking of his future. Anderson thanks him for setting the bar so high, and Foley says that he knew what he was getting into when he was diving off of stuff in the 80s, he wears Sketchers pumps and he walks fine. But once you mess your brain up, you mess it up for good. Anderson says Foley’s not listening to him and is still calling him a liar, and says that if you can’t get along, get it on. Matt Morgan comes out to the ring (to a surprisingly loud Morgan chant), and he asks Anderson if this is going to be two guys going at it to prove who’s the best, or if it’s another Anderson con game. One of the first things Morgan learned in this business is that you can’t trust anyone, and Morgan says that when the bell rings at Genesis, it’s going to be on, and it doesn’t matter to Morgan whether or not he’s at 100% because he’ll have no choice at that point but to go through him and go on to the TNA World Title. Anderson reminds Morgan that he’s dealing with an asshole, that’s what he does, and he’s going to do whatever he has to in order to go through him and get to Jeff Hardy. Anderson says nobody’s listening to him so they don’t have to wait until Sunday, and the two of them get ready to fight when Jeff Hardy’s music hits. Hardy says that he’s the one who gave Anderson and gave him a concussion, and he could have hurt him permanently if he wanted but he didn’t because he’s a professional and he knows what he’s doing. Both of them are ready to wrestle, so Hardy’s making a tag match tonight with the two of them on opposite sides and Hardy has chosen their partners. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’m sure a lot of people can and will argue against what Hardy said about being professional. It kind of struck me as odd wouldn’t edit out that line after the latest news about his drug charges broke out.))
We go backstage to Eric Young, who is dressed as Moses and making up his own Commandments, including that Thou shalt have booze, Thou shalt have donuts, and Thou shalt have the greatest party ever. Orlando Jordan comes in and reminds him that he’s not Moses, he’s supposed to be Father Time, and that he himself is the Baby New Year, helpfully dressed in a giant diaper with a sash over his shoulder. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I wish I was 21 so I could have some of that beer to magically make what might happen seem better))
Robert Roode vs Chris Sabin
Hammerlock reversal sequence to start, Sabin does a fancy flippy escape but Roode gets a headlock, Sabin fires him into the ropes and Roode hits a shoulderblock. Roode off the ropes again and Sabin gets a pair of armdrags and an armbar. They go to the corner and Roode hits a chop, but Sabin dodges a second and hits some chops of his own, then leapfrogs Roode and gets another armdrag into an armbar. Roode fights his way out but gets tossed to the apron and Sabin baseball slides Roode’s legs out from under him and then hits a dive to the floor. We see James Storm and Alex Shelley watching the action from the floor as Sabin rolls Roode back into the ring and covers for two. Sabin gets the boot up on a Roode charge, goes to the apron and tries a springboard something, but Roode catches him in a fireman’s carry and dumps him backward on his face and that gets Roode for a two count. Sabin tries a sunset flip and only gets two. Roode flips him inside out with a hard clothesline for two. Roode gets a chinlock as they plan out their next several spots, Roode picks him up and goes for a suplex but Sabin slips out the back and takes Roode down with a series of running forearms and a flying headscissors off the second rope. Sabin with a springboard clothesline from the apron for two and then they fight over a waistlock, Roode gets an O’Connor Roll with the tights for two, Sabin reverses to a rollup of his own for two, then hits a spinning enziguiri for two again. Sabin with a running Yakuza kick in the corner and then he goes up top for a springboard tornado DDT, but Roode blocks and hits a spinebuster for the clean win.
Winner: Robert Roode
Roode points at Shelley as he comes in to check on his partner and motions that they’re taking the title at Genesis.
Rob Van Dam is backstage saying that tonight he’s wrestling a mystery opponent and it doesn’t matter who it is unless it’s Jeff Hardy, because all he wants is to get Hardy in the ring and nothing else matters to him.
We go back to Orlando and Eric Young’s party, and Young is sitting on Orlando’s lap and Orlando is asking Eric to read his Christmas list to him again. Eric says he’s already read it to him several times and he’s not sure how this is going to make them a better team, when suddenly we hear the glass break and Shark Boy’s arrival. He says that this is a great party, especially since it gets him on TV because he’s never on TV anymore, and then asks Eric if there’s anything he can do to get him on TV more since he’s tight with Bischoff. Orlando Jordan suggests sitting on his lap and reading him his Christmas list. Shark Boy sits on Orlando’s lap to get TV time before he decides that he needs more beer first so he leaves. Eric says he’s drunk already, and they need to keep their eye on him because he drinks like a fish. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Guess it’s expected since we didn’t get any Christmas crap last week.))
We go back to the ring as Rob Van Dam comes out for his match, and he says that we get it, it’s clear that he’s in charge of TNA…for the time being. That’s why he’s out here now waiting on his mystery opponent. It’s nothing he can’t handle so he will handle it, and he’ll tell him that there’s no stopping Rob Van Dam until Bischoff puts him in the ring with Jeff Hardy, and that’s why he’s the Whole F’n Show. Here comes his opponent…
Rob Van Dam vs Robbie E
Robbie E fist pumps in RVD’s face so RVD does the Rob Van Dam pointing thing and then kicks him in the face. Robbie tries a kick of his own and RVD dodges and spinkicks him, beats him up in the corner, and monkeyflips him damn near across the ring. Robbie tries a hiptoss but RVD with another big kick and goes for Rolling Thunder but Cookie grabs the ankle and sets Robbie up to hit a clothesline and then nail a series of punches and cover for a 2 count. Robbie with a rear chinlock, RVD fights his way out and gets a jumpkick off the second rope and now hits the Rolling Thunder and then the Five Star Frog Splash for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
RVD celebrates before Jeff Hardy appears on the screen. If RVD wants revenge, that’s what he’ll get…in due time. First, he has to beat an opponent that was carefully chosen for him at Genesis, and if he survives then he’ll get his hands on Hardy. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Makes me wonder if it’ll end up being Hardy after all that he faces at Genesis))
We go backstage to Sarita, who is appalled that Velvet Sky is challenging her to a strap match tonight, and what she did to Velvet in the locker room last week will be nothing compared to what she’ll do to her tonight.
Frankie Kazarian comes out with a couple of chicks and says that Hogan, Bischoff, and Flair have put a bounty on every title in TNA, so at Genesis, he’s going to take the TNA Title from Jay Lethal. I’ll assume he meant the X-Division Title. He’s going to talk about Lethal’s history and why he is the way he is (and we see video clips from the Lethal background piece from a few weeks ago throughout this monologue): he talks about Lethal’s childhood home and how he was so poor his folks had to bring the garbage in. The front door and back door were on the same hinge, and it wasn’t just Jay that was raised in this crackhouse (his words), there were a whole clan of cretins raised there, like his brothers Keenan Ivory and Damon Lethal, and his sisters Whitney and Beyonce Lethal. He blames Jay Lethal’s mother for all this because she is so fugly, rancid, and disgusting that she…well, she fits in with everyone here at the Impact Zone. Jay Lethal has finally had enough and tears down to the ring to go after Kazarian, but Kazarian whips out a telescoping baton and cracks Lethal in the face with it.
We go backstage as Mick Foley steps into Eric Bischoff’s office and Flair yells at him to knock on the door, but Foley says that they put Anderson and Morgan in a tag match and won’t tell them who their partners are going to be. They’re messing with Anderson’s head and he demands that they tell them who their partners are so they can prepare as professional wrestlers. Flair says that Foley shouldn’t even be here and he should have him locked up for even being here. Flair kicks Foley out, and Foley says they can make whatever match they want because he’ll be at ringside watching, and Flair tells him to get hurt while he’s at ringside. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I’m happy with Flair and Bischoff in heel authority roles. They are smug and arrogant, and great on the mic.))
Strap Match: Velvet Sky vs Sarita
Sarita stalls while Velvet yells at her to put it on, and finally Sarita attaches the strap to her wrist and the match starts. Sarita immediately bails to the floor but Velvet yanks her off her feet and goes out after her, and Sarita gets up and rams her into the apron and then starts whipping Velvet with the strap. Sarita rolls Velvet back in the ring and ties her wrists with the strap and starts dragging her from corner to corner. Sarita gets to two before trying (and missing) an elbowdrop. Velvet is revitalized and gets a couple of strap clotheslines and then uses the strap to trip Sarita and the strap comes free from Sarita. Referee Jamal Jackson (or whatever his name is) reattaches it, and Velvet goes right back to whipping Sarita and then chokes her with the strap, using it to hang Sarita over her back as she goes from corner to corner with Sarita touching each corner right behind her. Finally when we get to the fourth corner Sarita puts on the brakes and yanks Velvet across the ring by the strap and touches the fourth corner for the win.
Sarita attacks Velvet with the strap again after the match until Angelina Love runs in to make the save. Velvet picks herself up and yells at Angelina to just leave her alone. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Typical Strap match, nothing special here.))
We go back to Orlando and Eric’s party, which now includes Shark Boy and Brian Kendrick. Kendrick wants Eric to show him some of his stick fighting moves. Eric lashes around and knocks stuff over and pokes Shark Boy in the butt with it. Orlando reminds him that he’s not allowed to poke guys with his staff, and then asks if the girls will ever show up, and Eric says that of course they will because he created this party and he’s Moses.
We go to commercial and when we come back, we see that during the commercial break Velvet was having a fit about losing to Sarita again and walked out. We now go backstage where Angelina finds Sarita and kicks her ass for screwing with her friend. Sarita fights back and rams Angelina into the stairs, but Winter comes out of nowhere and drags Sarita off, sending her packing, and then goes to check on her partner.
We see a video package looking back at the year 2010 in TNA, and then we see Jeff Jarrett, who is backstage. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Great production work by TNA for the video. I saw a few things that annoyed me, Abyss smiling amoung others, but 2011 will be a big year for TNA. And as a fan I can’t wait))
We go elsewhere backstage as Doug Williams says he’s got a tag match but no partner. As luck would have it, Brutus Magnus is in his locker room and is dressed to wrestle, and he comes out and tells Doug that he’s been there for Magnus since day one and he’ll be his partner tonight.
Double J MMA Challenge
Jarrett comes out and gloats about how quickly he tapped Red out last week and told him he did a good job, but needs a tougher challenge and asked Red if he has any relatives that can give him a challenge and Red said he has a little brother, so he tells Red to bring his brother out here now. Red comes out by himself and Jarrett invites him into the ring and says that he’s not going to hurt him like he did last week, and that his baby brother probably has stage fright as he would if he had to fight himself, but he says he’ll turn his back and give him the first shot, just get him out here. Red motions to the back and out comes a gigantic version of Amazing Red. He stands behind Jarrett and taps him on the shoulder and Jarrett does the classic turn around and “oh crap” look. ((Jarrett’s Jab – You just got punked Double J!))
Bell rings and Jarrett circles him warily before tying up and taking him to the ropes. Baby Brother shoves him off and they start neutral again before tying back up and Baby Brother takes Jarrett down in a flash with a Fujiwara armbar and Jarrett goes right to the ropes. Another neutral start and Jarrett shoots a single leg but Baby Brother blocks and takes Jarrett down and gets a leg lace. Jarrett goes to the ropes for the break and immediately goes back after Baby Brother and drills him in the head with punches, but Baby Brother sits out and gets an ankle lock. Gunner & Murphy drag Jarrett out to the floor to safety and Red goes after them. Jarrett grabs the guitar and slips back in the ring in the confusion and the bell rings, I guess because this got so out of control. Red comes in and grabs the guitar and smashes it, and Jarrett bails to the floor and backpedals up the rampway yelling at Baby Brother as he backs up the ramp. Baby Brother gets a “Baby Brother” chant. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Jarrett bit off more than he can chew with this, was expecting Angle’s return, but it didn’t happen. Nontheless, I enjoy the challenges far more than other people seem to.))
We go back to Bischoff’s office after the commercial as Jarrett is suggesting to Bischoff that they not allow the tall, lanky guys into the Double J MMA Challenge anymore due to their being prone to injuring themselves getting in the ring. He also says that these should be framed as just exhibitions. Bischoff responds by saying “ah, like Thunderlips, right?” Jarrett also suggests they also need a waiver that they need to sign. Bischoff says he likes it.
AJ Styles & Rob Terry vs British Invasion
British Invasion does the handshake and everything on the rampway as Taz reminds us that Rob Terry was the third member of the group, but it wasn’t exactly like the Beatles. Magnus and AJ start and AJ goes right to a kick to the gut and a side headlock, but Magnus fires him into the ropes and gets a hiptoss and a full bodyslam, buy AJ goes to the eyes and tells Magnus that he wants Williams. Magnus obliges and tags Williams in and they circle one another for about two second before AJ tags Rob Terry in. They tie up and Terry powers Williams into the corner and then hits a pair of shoulderblocks to the ribs in the corner and chokes Williams hits the boot. AJ begs for the tag and Terry tags him in, and AJ goes right for the Styles Clash but Williams quickly escapes and rams AJ into his own corner. AJ tags back out to Terry, who comes in and picks Williams up for a big delayed bodyslam and then tags AJ back in. AJ whips Doug into the corner and tries a Stinger Splash, but Doug dodges and hits an Exploder suplex. Williams tags Magnus and now Magnus comes in and cleans house on AJ, taking him out with a big backdrop. AJ tries a leapfrog out of the corner but Magnus catches him and gets a Davey Boy Smith-style powerslam and covers, but Terry breaks it up and chokes Magnus in the corner. Williams comes in and they double team Terry, but AJ with a springboard forearm takes Williams out and then he hits the Chaos Theory on Magnus for the win.
Winners: AJ Styles & Rob Terry
Madison Rayne is backstage walking.
We go back to the party as Tara comes in with Generation Me while singing Broken. Orlando Jordan tells them that they can only come in if they take their shirts off. GenMe do as the Romans do, and then OJ starts to dance with Tara, setting off a brawl between OJ and GenMe. Brian Kendrick tells them all to stop because he has a message…and then realizes it’s just gas and says nevermind. They go back to fighting. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Ugh, the torture…oh wait, that’s just stupidity. Could they make Kendrick look any worse?))
Back to the ring, as Madison Rayne comes out to the ring, escorted by a bunch of dudes in tuxes. They form arches with their arms that she walks under, and then falls into their arms as they carry her to the ring. This whole episode of Impact is really just so bizarre. They carry her to the ring and place her on the apron so she can get in the ring and hold up her hand as they all walk past and kiss it one by one. Madison screams at So Cal Val to get on the apron and hand her a microphone. Madison tells everyone to drink it in because she has something very important to say right now SO SHUT UP. As she was saying, when she put on this $79,000, Vera Wang, one of a kind dress, she was just as speechless as they all SHUT UP! She knew she had to come out here to all her adoring fans and little people and show them how beautiful she is. She is their champion because she knows that they all want a champion full of class and elegance and all things perfect, and not some backwoods, cornfed, frumpy, flannel wearing, hardcore country slut. Now that does it, them’s fighting words. Hardcore Country starts playing and Mickie comes strolling out, and Madison tells the cowgirl to come on in. Mickie grabs the microphone out of Madison’s hand and tells her to shut up, and then suckerpunches Madison. Well, that’s not very ladylike. Mickie gets a few clotheslines and then tears Madison’s Wang off. Madison, now left in nothing but her black bra and panties, runs to the back in horror. ((Jarrett’s Jab – This just made my night! Happy New Year!))
Matt Morgan is backstage walking.
But before that main event starts, we go to a promo from Morgan as he talks about how he’s had Hardy beaten twice now, but because of goofy stuff happening, it didn’t happen and if there’s an uncrowned champion in TNA, it’s him. Now we go to Jeff Hardy who says that he is evolution, and he is the TNA World Champion. Now Ken Anderson says that he respects what Hardy’s done, and if the fans appreciate what he does and want him as their champion, then fine, but he listens to the fans when Hardy’s out there and he doesn’t think they want that. Hardy says he doesn’t care what the fans think.
We go outside the building where Pope is talking to someone at a kennel about getting a couple of pitbulls for the kids in his neighborhood. The guy warns them that they don’t make good family pets, but Pope is undeterred so the fellow takes Pope on inside.
Back to the Impact Zone as Mick Foley joins Mike Tenay and Taz at the broadcast booth, and then it’s main event time!
Ken Anderson & ?????? vs Matt Morgan & ??????
Anderson’s partner is announced as Brother Ray after his entrance, and then Morgan comes out and is soon joined by Brother Devon! Devon starts, but Brother Ray refuses to get in so Anderson starts. Devon keeps yelling at Brother Ray to get in the ring and Anderson goes for the tag, but Ray pulls his hand away and walks away from him and drops off the apron. Meanwhile, Eric Bischoff comes out to the top of the ramp and sends Gunner and Muffin over to remove Foley from the booth. Foley starts to leave peacefully, but attacks them and uses Mr Socko to go after Muffin. Gunner hits Foley from behind with a baton and handcuff him and haul him out. While all that was going on, Brother Ray tagged himself in and nailed Devon from behind and started drilling him with rights and stomping him in the face. Ray with an elbowdrop and then continues the assault with more rights and a neckbreaker, then turns to the crowd and yells “I told you he was weak!” while pointing at Devon. Ray tags Anderson in and he walks right into a chinbreaker and then Devon tags Morgan as Anderson tags right back out to Ray. Ray nails Morgan and tags Anderson and pulls him into the ring. Anderson yells at Ray, then turns around and kicks Morgan in the gut and hits a DDT for two. Anderson comes off the second rope but Morgan goozles and chokeslams him and goes for the cover, but Ray breaks up the fall. Devon chases Ray out of the ring and around ringside and goes face to face with Morgan and Morgan goes for a roaring clothesline, but Ray ducks and Morgan nails Anderson. Morgan hesitates for a second, then covers Anderson for the win.
Winners: Matt Morgan & Brother Devon
Morgan tries to help Anderson up but Anderson shoves him off and yells at him before sliding out of the ring to close the show. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I didn’t think a Ray/Devon match could be any worse until I saw this. Totally ruined that thought for me.))
Who are Gunner and MUFFIN?? loads of people calling Gunner and Murphy, Gunner and Muffin, wtf???
iMPACT was ok, but Samoa Joe woulda made it better
Jarrett Cox says
@SJ13FTW – Sorry, must have been a mistake I made while running Spell check. Sorry, it is corrected now though.