This week’s edition of Impact Wrestling opens with the usual narrated video highlighting Wes Briscoe getting a contract, Al Snow’s disappearance, Austin Aries exposing Brooke Hogan’s relationship, and Bully Ray getting RVD disqualified during his X Division Championship match with Austin Aries.
From that we go to the Impact Zone, only three days away from the last TNA Pay-Per-View of the Year: Final Resolution where there Number One Contender to the World Heavyweight Champion Bobby Roode comes out in a suit with Bad Influence (the former #WTTCOTW, Christopher Daniels and Kazarian) as Mike Tenay reminds fans that the three will team to face AJ Styles, James Storm, and the TNA World Champion, Jeff Hardy. Kazarian calls tonight Throwback Thursday and calls him, Daniels and Roode the best part of Fortune, but calls it the past and says that the future for tonight and this Sunday is something the fans have never experienced in their life: victory. Roode talks about how people make guarantees, but unlike everyone else, Roode’s guarantees become reality and the reality is that in three days, Roode will become the new World Heavyweight Champion. Roode tells everyone that he made a very important investment in the World Heavyweight Championship and this Sunday, Hardy will find out that “it pays to be Roode.” Daniels also makes a guarantee, that after this Sunday the loser’s name this Sunday will be AJ Styles and calls him out to talk. Daniels tries to get AJ Styles to come to the ring, and eventually he obliges. Taz says that the match between Daniels and Styles will be “what the kids call a doosey.” I’ve never heard anyone over 10 ever say that. Styles says he knows Daniels better than he knows himself, Daniels has always been jealous of Styles and everything that has happen, Daniels can’t beat AJ on his worst day. Daniels says while he’s been calling AJ a loser for the last eight months, AJ keeps proving him right by losing the Bound for Glory Series and a shot at the World Title for a year among other things. Daniels tells AJ that Styles is scared of the reality that Daniels is better than Styles. Styles says that he’s just realized that Daniels talks too much and spears him and starts pounding on him before Kaziarian and Roode puts the boots to him. Jeff Hardy and James Storm make the save and the heels retreat to the ramp as Hardy’s music plays.
We are taken back to the main event last week when Austin Aries compares RVD to Brooke Hogan before Bully Ray and Hulk Hogan came out and stare at Aries.
Backstage, Aries says this all started when he started calling out all the shenanigans backstage when Hogan was setting him up for failure. Aries says his plans all along was to recapture the X Division Championship and use that as his ticket back to the World Title, but Bully Ray ruined all of that for him trying to defend Brooke’s honor. Aries tells Ray that he wants him this Sunday because it’s personal, and if Hogan knew what was good for him that he’d make the match. Aries closes by reminding Hogan that he knows all the buttons to push, and he’ll keep pushing them until he gets what he wants.
The Television Champion, Samoa Joe is shown walking backstage as we head to commercial.
((Jarrett’s Jab – Bobby Roode, Christopher Daniels, and Austin Aries have to be tied for the best heel in TNA right now. All three are hitting their strides and all three becoming the highlight to TNA programming on a regular basis. I like how Aries has become less like CM Punk lately. Him being called CM Punk lite going into Bound for Glory was completely justified, from his “pipebomb” and calling himself the Best in the World wasn’t going to get him far when someone’s already doing it. I like that he’s finally slid into a role that feels like him rather than him trying to be somebody else.))
TNA Television Championship: Samoa Joe (c) vs. Devon
Devon comes out first with a baseball bat in hand and Kenely notes that Devon never lost the TV Championship, while Tenay notes that he’s had over two-dozen reigns as a Tag Team Champion. Tenay talks about Samoa Joe being a Grand Slam champion after winning the belt on Impact and that Devon kept his world last week about no Aces and Eights attacks. The match starts with Joe backing Devon in the corner. Taz notes Joe’s MMA background as Devon rakes the eyes, but gets Irish Whipped in the corner and eats a kick. Tenay says that this is their first one-on-one encounter, but Samoa Joe and Kurt Angle beat Team 3D in 2007 for the Tag Team Titles. I’d like to add that that happened at Victory Road in an all titles match, and Angle beat Joe a month later at Hard Justice to win all the titles. Just shows I watch too much wrestling. Anyways, Devon hits a big splash for two, and misses a headbutt when Joe rolls out of the way. The two trade rights and Joe hits his big roll for a two count. Devon gets in the corner and Joe hits the STJoe as Kenley says “to perfection!” And Joe locks in the Coquina Clutch and some woman jumps on the apron and DOC hits Joe in the back of the neck with a ballpeen hammer to win the Television Championship.
Winner and NEW Television Champion: Devon
All the women surround Devon and DOC at ringside and the two celebrate as they show a replay of the hammer shot by DOC.
Brooke Hogan is backstage talking to someone on the phone and tells the person that the contract is signed and she can’t wait to see them.
D-Lo is backstage with Al Snow and asks him how he’s doing and Snow says that the police is running blood tests and tells a story about arriving there and not remembering anything else.
The Number One Contender to the Knockouts Championship makes her way to the ring and says that this is the first time she’s had to address everyone since she’s been back and the fans start a “Welcome Back” and thanks the fans for being there for one of the most humbling moments of her life, and while she was at home recovering, she made a pact and tonight it will come true when she becomes the new Knockouts Championship. Tara comes out to interrupt and calls Mickie a sad movie and James says she can’t hear her over everyone booing her out of the building. Tara says that they love her and says that this has been a great year for her; she got rid of Miss Tessmacher as a friend, got the hottest guy in Hollywood (Jesse), and won the Knockouts Champion. Apparently it’s Interruption Thursday, because out comes Velvet Sky. She thanks the fans for supporting her, and thanks Brooke Hogan for getting all the necessaries together so she can come back. She says that 2013 will be the year of Velvet Sky and steals Christian Cage’s old TNA catchphrase of “If you didn’t know; now you know.”
Backstage Robbie E and Robbie T appear in one of the worst product placement segments ever it was just awful, but Robbie E’s line of “I been doing touchscreens since 1986, bro!” was hilarious.
Robbie E and Robbie T vs. TNA World Tag Team Champions Mexican America (Hernandez and Chavo Guerrero, Jr.)
Chavo starts with some chain wrestling and kicking the back of Robbie E before a backsuplex. Hernandez is tagged in and locks in a bearhug before slamming him down. Chavo is tagged back in and Hernandez slams him before Chavo kicks him. Robbie E fights back with some knees to the ribs of Chavo and Robbie E comes in and hits a clubby blow to Chavo’s spine before slamming him down. Robbie E is tagged in and Robbie E hits a sidewalk slam and an elbow by Robbie T gets the team a two count. Northern Lights suplex by Chavo gets him enough time to tag in Hernandez and he clears house of Robbie E and hitting a shoulder backbreaker before Robbie T breaks up the pin. Drokick by Chavo on T, and a huge shoulder block by Herndandez. Chavo tags in and hits the frogsplash for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: TNA World Tag Team Champions
Joey Ryan comes out and tells everyone to look at him and in three days Ryan and Morgan will become the Tag Team Champions and Morgan blindsides the Champs from behind. Ryan says that when “You deal with Big Morgan and the Big Organ, size matters, especially when you’re the World Tag Team Champions.”
Backstage the two ladies are grinding on a stripper pole and the rest of the girls are backstage with Aces and Eights and Devon says that everything is taken care of, and DOC has Angle tonight. One of them asks about throwing a dart, but the VP shows an envelope of cash and says that “Money talks, and Friendship walks, and I can do a lot of talking” before Devon says Testify. DOC vs. Angle is shown on a graphic as we head to commercial.
Kurt Angle says that Wes’ uncle would be proud of him and Wes and Garett thanks Angle for everything.
Backstage Chavo says that Ryan and Morgan have their attention and that they will look at them in their face and stomp on their throat. Angle’s music started at the end of their promo and we had to the arena where it’s restarted and Angle makes his entrance.
DOC vs. Kurt Angle
As we come back from the break, DOC finally makes his entrance and Angle jumps him as soon as he tries to get in the ring. Angle stomps DOC in the corner and starts to choke him with his boot before dropping his elbow on the thigh and knee of DOC. Angle starts with right hands as Todd Kenely announces that tickets to Lock Down are going on sale tomorrow at the Alamodome. Angle clips the knee but DOC is right back in it, stomping at Angle before Angle starts to fight back with right hands. DOC clotheslines Angle over the top rope. DOC sends Angle right into the steel steps and throws Angle back in the ring. Clubby blow to the back and charges at Angle, but Angle gets the boot up and hits a dropkick from the top rope. Angle hits the three german suplexes and goes for the Angle Slam, but DOC hits a big boot for two instead. Angle cinches in the Ankle lock, but DOC kicks out of it and ends up eating two german suplexes, before DOC kicks downtown to cause a break. DOC hits another big boot for two and Angle tries a rollup and then an Ankle lock. DOC hits a chokeslam but gets two. Taz says that that would have been an upset if DOC won, as Angle hits the Angle Slam and the straps come down. Ankle lock is cinched in again and a big member of Aces and Eights comes in to break the hold.
Winner by Disqualification: Kurt Angle
Members of Aces and Eights surround the ring, and Samoa Joe, Garett Bischoff, and Wes Briscoe run out to help Angle. Angle says that Aces and Eights run in packs, and he’s got a pack of his own before challenging them to an eight man tag at Final Resolution.
Todd Kenely, Mike Tenay and Taz talks about the big tag main event for tonight and Austin Aries’ challenge to Bully Ray.
Backstage Hulk Hogan is on the phone with Joseph Park, and tells him that he will feel more comfortable with hiring Park if he went through OVW, and Bully Ray barges into Hulk’s office and demands a match with Aries, and Hogan tells him no because he’s “looking at the bigger picture and the wrestling world doesn’t revolve around Bully Ray.” Ray tells him that he’ll get what he wants and he’ll take over Hogan’s show. Hogan tells someone to get him a Midol.
((Jarrett’s Jab – Everything Bully Ray touches seems to turn to gold, and everything Hulk Hogan touches seems to turn to crap. Seriously, Bully Ray tried to save this segment, but Hulk Hogan is one of the worst actors ever. And that match between DOC and Angle is the match that Angle and Devon should have had at Turning Point, it was a brawl that had minimal wrestling moves that looked more like a bitter fight.))
James Storm and Jeff Hardy are backstage and Storm gives Hardy advice about Bobby Roode and we get to hear Jeff Hardy’s thoughts again about people’s words being shady.
All three participants didn’t receive an entrance, and the winner will face Rob Van Dam at Final Resolution. Interestingly, these are the three that were eliminated during deliberation last week. They three have some back and forth to start the match before Kash gets dumped to the floor and King takes Ion’s head off with a leg lariat. Kash drags Ion out to the floor and gets up on the apron, but King nails him with a cartwheel kick. Ion slips in and takes King out with a clothesline for a two count, then Kash gets in and the three start brawling again. King slams Kash and hits the springboard legdrop for two, cradle suplexes Ion and Ion rolls out to the floor. Kash hits him with a slingshot headscissors on the floor, King takes Kash out with a dive, Ion hits a dive of his own, then the three find their way to the ring. Tower of Doom, and Kash gets the best of it, pinning King for a two count in a weird pin and then immediately flipping him over for the Boston Crab. Ion breaks it up and gets flat lined by King with a spinning enziguiri for two. Kash dumps King to the floor and then springboards in with a clothesline for two on Ion. Kash goes to the top rope, Ion shoves him out to the floor, then King springboards in with a Blockbuster and hits Ion with the Royal Flush for the win.
Winner by Pinfall: Kenny King
Bully Ray is backstage telling someone on the cell phone how pissed off he is at Hogan for not giving him a match with Austin Aries. He’s going out to the ring right now to get what he wants.
Bully Ray comes storming out and puts a chair in the middle of the ring, and says he’s not leaving until he gets what he wants, which is to fight Austin Aries. Aries wants to fight him, and all the fans want to see them fight each other, and asks the fans if they want to see it just to drive his point home. He’s sitting in that chair and he’s not going nowhere until he gets what he wants. Aries comes out with a chair of his own to ask if he’s supposed to believe this crap, because if memory serves, the last time they fought he dropped Ray on his fat head and made him tap out. Aries says men stand up for their women, and Ray says he wants to fight him so damn bad that he dares him to get in the ring right now. Aries says he does whatever he wants, so he sets up his chair in the aisle and won’t leave until Ray comes out and fights him. Here comes the Hulkster, and Aries freaks out and jumps out of his chair, saying he’ll sit over there, on one of the sides of the floor beside the ring. Hogan repeats that he’s not making the match because he’s not letting anyone push him around. He tells Ray to get out of his ring or he’s going to fire his ass right now, or kick it. Ray stands up and gets right in Hulk’s face, but Brooke comes trotting out, and says that maybe Mark…maybe Bully Ray is right and it’s becoming too personal. Hulk asks if she called him Mark, then says that since everyone wants it, they got their damn match. Aries looks happy, Ray and Hogan still look angry, and Brooke looks worried.
((Jarrett’s Jab – Not a damn bit of this makes sense, but I’ve learned to expect that when Hogan is in a storyline. Seriously, the guy who’s been making sexual comments about your daughter, and her boyfriend. Almost everyone on the face of the earth would love to see the two beat the hell out of each other. Hogan doesn’t want to mix business with personal? How about him and Sting stacking the deck against Bobby Roode while he was champion, or bringing in the Nasty Boyz or Bubba the Love Sponge? Both epic failures, Nasty Boyz for not being in the shape they were 15 years ago, and Bubba for being a piece of trash that apparently hates women, Hati, and everyone on earth for releasing the infamous Hogan Porno brother!))
We see a video package looking at the Hardy-Roode main event of this weekend’s PPV, and then it’s main event time!
Bobby Roode & Bad Influence vs World Champion Jeff Hardy, James Storm & AJ Styles
Daniels and Kazarian are wearing white and red Zubaz pants and fanny packs. Oddly enough, my 15-year-old sister who decided to watch with me asked about the fanny packs instead of the pants. I just turned 20 and I knew about both. Either I watch way too much wrestling, or I watch way too much Nick@Nite. Storm and Kazarian start the match and Storm cleans house, hitting a Thesz Press and a pair of running forearms. AJ is arguing with Hardy and they almost miss a tag, then Storm and AJ argue as Hardy winds up in Badstreet USA. Hey, they said it was Throwback Thursday! Hardy regains control by nailing Daniels with an inverted enziguiri and then tags out to AJ. Daniels runs like his life’s on the line and tags Kazarian in. AJ catches him with a flying headscissors and tags Hardy back in to hit Poetry In Motion in the corner. Hardy covers for two as head to our last commercial break.
The TNA World Heavyweight Champion Jeff Hardy is in trouble as Kazarian has him in a straitjacket hold but winds up on the receiving end of a triple team by “the good part of Fortune.” Daniels and Kazarian tease dancing Gangnam Style, but blow the fans off. I know I’m disappointed. Roode unloads on Hardy with some hard right hands and gets a vertical suplex for two. Bad Influence hits the Hart Attack on Hardy for two, then Roode nails an elbow smash from the outside. They go inside where Roode gets another back elbow and stomps on Hardy’s chest. Roode comes off the second rope and catches a boot to the gut on the way down, and then Hardy hits the Twist of Fate and tags out to AJ, who cleans house on both Daniels and Kazarian. He plants Kazarian with the hammerlock suplex for two, then Storm hits Closing Time on Roode, a lungblower on Daniels, and he Cactus clotheslines Daniels to the floor. Daniels rams Storm into the steps as AJ takes on Roode and Kazarian in the ring, hitting a deathdrop/DDT combo on both men. AJ goes for a springboard move and Daniels shakes to ropes, Storm comes in and makes the save, and he and AJ get into an argument as Hardy tags himself in and hits the Twist of Fate on Kazarian for the win.
Winners by Pinfall: Jeff Hardy, AJ Styles & James Storm
Storm and AJ head to the back as Aces & Eights comes out of the crowd and kick the crap out of Hardy. Storm finally runs back out and chases them off with a chair. Roode stands smiling and applauding at the top of the ramp before he gives the thumbs up, and all of the members gives the thumbs off back. Roode yells that “It Pays to be Roode” and the announcers finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and realize that Roode was the one that paid Aces and Eights.
((Jarrett’s Jab – Fortune, Zubaz, Fanny Packs, and Old Catchprhases, this sure was Throwback Thursday. We got some hype for Final Resolution, but AJ Styles and Daniels got the most hype. I’m not sure it was the smart move because for the past year and a half we’ve seen this match so much, but at the end of the day, that will probably be the moment everyone remembers from the show. I’m not a happy camper that Velvet Sky is back, and she managed to overshadow the Knockouts Championship match, which is a huge mistake since this is Mickie’s first one-on-one match back. The X Division match feels like a throwaway bout, but at least Roode has some momentum heading into Final Resolution. That’s it for me. Be sure to check back to TNAStars for all your TNA news, including the posters for Genesis and Lock Down, which have been added today.))