Source: Tim Capture of Wrestling News World
Last night, TNA Wrestling taped its much-hyped iMPACT! program for this Thursday’s show. What happened? Who appeared? Who are the new “they?” Did Eric Bischoff take a shot at Kevin Nash and Booker T (hint: yes)? Find out by reading the spoilers below!
* The Impact Zone is full with obvious curiosity over who “they” is especially since “they” aren’t who they were supposed to be.
* Robbie E w/Cookie vs. Josh Daniels. Winner with Madison Rayne’s boot to the chin drop finisher, Robbie E.
TNA Impact (Airing Thursday, 9/8c on Spike TV):
* Impact starts with Immortal out (everybody but Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair). Eric Bischoff says they have business to take care of. They sent Scott Steiner a special invitation so come on down. Scott Steiner joins Immortal in the ring. Bischoff says they’ve known each other way too long. He’ll forget about the last few weeks and talk business. He found out a few hours ago that Dixie Carter got a continuance so Hulk Hogan won’t be here tonight. That’s the bad news. Now even though Steiner’s saying “They” are here, he knows there’s no “They.” Kevin Nash called him and Bischoff told him to take the money. Get a new action figure, dye your hair and do it. As for Booker T, who cares what he’s doing? Sting isn’t here either. So Scott, be a man, grab your bags and join us. Bischoff extends his hand and says this is his last shot. Scott asks if that’s his choice? Bischoff says door one is join him, door two is getting your a– kicked. Steiner says how about door 3, where I shove my foot up your a–? He says he’s known Eric a long time and right away knew he was a piece of s—. He’s more of a man than any of these p—— in the ring. If he was a man he’d say yes sir and no sir. So he has 5 seconds to apologize or he’ll break his skinny neck. Bischoff says bite me. Kurt Angle and Crimson come out. Angle says Bischoff is a piece of s—. He says “They” are here. It’s real. It’s d— real. Steiner, Angle and Crimson leave a confused Immortal in the ring.
* The main event is Mr. Anderson vs. Jeff Hardy for the TNA Championship.
* Ink Inc. vs. Gunner & Murphy. Winners via their Samoan drop/Moorgasm combo, Ink Inc
* Backstage, Kurt Angle is talking to Scott Steiner and Crimson. He says tonight is what they’ve been building to and planning for. Angle asks Crimson if they’ve touched base with him? Crimson says no. Angle then gets a call and answers. He asks if they’re still on for tonight. Angle says good, see him later. Angle says remember the plan. Scott, you hit the ring, Crimson you’re with me.
* Max Buck joins commentary. X Division Qualifier, Jeremy Buck vs. Douglas Williams vs. Jay Lethal. Douglas Williams hit a Chaos Theory on Lethal while Max Buck distracted the referee. This gave Jeremy a chance to kick Williams straight in the junk and pin Lethal for the win.
* Backstage in Eric Bischoff’s office, Eric is calling around looking for Ric Flair. James Storm says the last time he saw Flair he was drunk in a pub in Ireland. Robert Roode says not to worry. They don’t know if Kurt Angle is even telling the truth. If they do come they better bring an army. Bischoff says this is really important and they need to win back the title. AJ Styles says not to worry. Fortune will never take a backseat to anybody again and will handle this.
* Mr. Anderson is out. He asks if the self proclaimed antichrist of professional wrestling please come out. Jeff Hardy comes out and joins Anderson in the ring. Anderson asks how many a–holes we got in the building tonight? Crowd pops. He asks how many creatures of the night in the building. Crowd boos. See Jeff, those a–holes and those creatures represent two of the same type. One came from Cameron, NC and one from Green Bay, WI. They’re both here for this belt. Well not this belt, this belt sucks, but you get it. Neither does well with authority figures. Like when someone tells them how to do their hair or what to wear or how to walk to the ring. What does Hardy say? He gives Anderson the finger. When someone tells Anderson what to say, what to do or to not chew gum he tells them to suck it. Kurt Angle told Anderson in the back he had his back. Anderson wants to tell him thanks but no thanks since it will be two men going one on one. What do you say Jeff? Hardy says he doesn’t need Immortal or anybody to help him win back the title. He sarcastically says they can dedicate the match to the creatures and the a–holes. May the best man win. They shake hands and Hardy leaves as Anderson’s music plays.
* Sarita vs. Mickie James. Both women have taped fists. The ref checked both their fists. It seems this is a wrestling match with a boxing emphasis. Winner via left hook, Mickie James. Referee called for the bell, no pin. Terrible match, crowd was confused and didn’t know what was going on. TNA Knockout Women’s Champion Madison Rayne came in afterward and knocked out Mickie with the loaded glove.
* Back in Eric Bischoff’s office, Bischoff is telling Jeff Hardy he understands what he’s saying but Kurt Angle is making all kinds of threats. Last time Hardy faced Anderson he lost to him and that can’t happen again. Hardy says he didn’t lose to Anderson, he lost to Bischoff. If Eric hadn’t interfered Hardy wouldn’t have lost. He tells Bischoff Immortal is not to interfere.
* Bully Ray and “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero are out for a tag match. Bully Ray makes SoCal Val come in the ring with mics. Ray yells at her and she cowers in the corner. She starts to cry and he yells at her to leave. Ray says he loves to make girls cry. He says he’s so happy to have someone like Pope on the same page as him. It felt so good bashing Devon’s brains in and making Devon realize that Ray was really Team 3D. Devon was just his sidekick and would get him the tables. Now Ray has a new brotha who’s bigger and badder and tougher. He says Pope is right, there is a God. Pope says trust him when he tells ya, Devon is just an after thought. Pope says Joe went to TNA management and set it up to make Samoa Joe vs. D’Angelo Dinero at the pay-per-view. He says they could have just talked this out like men. Now there’s no escape and Pope will reign down with great vengeance. And that’s what you call a sloppy Joe.
* Bully Ray & “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero vs. Samoa Joe & Devon. Match hasn’t started yet. Devon and Ray brawl. While Ray chokes Devon with a chain, Joe chases Pope up the ramp. An Asian guy comes out and chases Pope off while Joe follows. Devon and Ray continue to brawl all over. Referees and security break it up. Ray spits some kind of liquid in Devon’s sons faces and runs off. Devon is furious and checks on them. They leave with him to the back. Match never happens.
* For the TNA Championship, Jeff Hardy vs. Mr. Anderson. Hardy attacks Anderson from behind while he’s doing his intro. He continues beating him. Referees run out to break it up. Al Snow and Simon Diamond come out to help. Anderson and Hardy get broken up multiple times but they just start fighting again. Finally they get in the ring and the match starts. Referee got bumped during the match. Immortal runs out to help Jeff. They start beating up Anderson. However, Fortune don’t help and turns on Immortal. Fortune clears the ring. AJ Styles finishes it off with a botched Styles Clash on Hardy. He does it again and hits it this time. Anderson covers Hardy and a new referee runs in and counts 3. Winner & still TNA Champion, Mr. Anderson.
* Fortune celebrates with Anderson after the match. Immortal leaves with their tails between their legs. Before Immortal goes down the tunnel, AJ Styles gets on the mic. Look what we’ve got here. He told Eric Bischoff that AJ and Fortune were not taking a backseat to anyone. This is all on Bischoff. This is Fortune and this our home. Who did Bischoff think he was talking about? Them is us. Bischoff calls AJ an ungrateful son of a b—. You inbred hillbilly. You four were nothing before he and Hogan took them in. Kurt Angle, Scott Steiner and Crimson join Fortune during this. AJ says Bischoff is mad that they saw through his smoke and mirrors. Bischoff put a million dollar company out of business. Things started going downhill when Bischoff and Hogan came in. Bischoff said this company turned around thanks to guys like him and Jeff Hardy. Bischoff says Hardy needs to write down March 3rd on his calendar. That’s when Hogan will get control of the company. AJ asks how that will happen when Fortune takes them apart piece by piece. He’s going to put his foot so far down Bischoff’s throat he’s going to be peeing shoe laces. Segment over.