THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW by Julian Radbourne
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Having ventured into John Zandig’s world briefly we’re now going to take a trip to the world of Jasmine St. Claire (no, not that world) and the Blue Meanie as we go back to the Electric Factory in Philadelphia in May 2003 for Pro-Pain Pro Wrestling’s A Funkin’ Classic, headlined by old rivals Jerry Lawler and Terry Funk.
The show began with the late Trent Acid going up against Ric Blade.
My heart sank a little within the first few minutes, first because the entrance curtain collapsed as Acid made his appearance, and second because of the position of the hard camera, on a balcony overlooking one of the corners of the ring.
As for the match it proved to be an entertaining opener. There were a couple of botches early on but both men soon worked past these.
Blade got busted open, possibly hard way as a result of Acid’s DDT on the ring apron. From there both men pulled out their big high flying moves, with Acid getting the pin after his trademark yakuza kick.
Tag team action followed as Rockin’ Rebel and Jeff Rocker took on Da Hit Squad, Monsta Mack and Mafia.
Lots of stalling at the beginning of this one before it settled down into a nice little encounter, with Rocker and the Rebel doubling up well on big Mack.
But the most impressive moment came when Rocker was hung upside down in a corner. With Mafia holding a chair in place big Mack went coast to coast with a dropkick, with Mafia getting the pin seconds later. Impressive stuff from the big men here.
It was back to singles action next as Homicide faced Kid Kash.
These two matched up well together, mixing sound technical wrestling with a good portion of fast-paced and high flying stuff.
This really could have gone either way, but it was Kash who took the win after taking Homicide down with his money maker finisher.
Then it was on to three way action between Josh Daniels, Damian Adams and Chris Chetti.
Great sequences throughout here. Adams and Daniels pulled off some great moves, while Chetti was great at playing the heel, complaining as much as he could.
It didn’t help him in the end though as Daniels took the win with a northern lights suplex.
It was back to tag team action for the next match as Roadkill and the Blue Meanie took on Christian York and Joey Matthews.
A bit of a mixed bag this one. Tons of microphone work at the beginning, starting with the annoying Mini Meanie before moving on to York announcing why he had returned.
Then we had the awful comedy moments before the action settled down. York and Matthews put in some good work as they doubled up on the angry Amish warrior, before the big boys made their comeback, with Meanie getting the pin after a Meanie-sault on York. We then got the obligatory dance from the blue haired one as he tried to pass on a few tips to Roadkill.
After a truly awful segment involving Todd Gordon, Jasmine St. Claire (didn’t she used to hold a world record for something?) and a banana eating contest (I think you can guess what that was all about) it was on to the big title match as Kevin Sullivan challenged Gary Wolfe for the 3PW title.
This was a mess. It began with a brawl around the arena, and when they finally got to the ring things got even worse.
All Sullivan seemed able to do was punch and throw chairs, and when he ran he looked like he was running on ice. It’s kind of hard to criticise Wolfe’s performance because of what he had to work with.
Thankfully this lasted less than ten minutes. The end came when Wolfe, hung upside down in the corner, caught Sullivan with a low blow as he trotted across the ring. A three count later and he had retained the title.
The main event was a battle of veterans and old rivals as Jerry “The King” Lawler faced Terry Funk.
The best way to describe this one would be bowling shoe ugly, and although it may not have been pretty it really made sense from a storytelling point of view.
For over twenty minutes these two old geezers beat the hell out of each other. Funk bled for his art after repeated rights from Lawler, and the two exchanged pile drivers, with the Funker taking five, including one on the floor and one through a table. But despite all of this Lawler still couldn’t put him away.
When Lawler went for a sixth pile driver Funk countered with a back drop, which Lawler tried to counter. The Funker came out on top though, getting the pin with a roll up, later challenging Lawler to another empty arena match and a bout at the local zoo!
In conclusion – when I first saw this show a few years ago I just didn’t like it. In fact I called it a “funkin’ disgrace” in my old Two Sheds On TV column.
However, upon viewing this a second time my opinion has changed. Okay, there were some parts that left a lot to be desired, but there was some pretty good stuff here as well.
So in all 3PW’s A Funkin’ Classic gets the thumbs up. A good show, although you should fast forward through Kevin Sullivan’s poor effort.