Dear Mr. Vincent K. McMahon,
I have waited patiently by my email inbox for your response to my last letter but have not received a reply as of yet. I know that you are a tad busy with Linda’s failed run for Senator and you being in a coma and all, but while waiting for your reply, I noticed a few more items that I’d like to mention to you about the decline of your RAW brand product. I think a few tweaks to these items would help to increase your ratings and merchandise sales. I have listed these items below for you to consider changing.
* John Cena/Nexus angle (please refer to prior letter sent)
* Michael Cole as a heel announcer – Bobby Heenan was the biased manager when heel wasn’t cool. Jerry Lawler was the creepy uncle that loved to drool over your younger girlfriends. Even Larry Zbysko was a heel announcer that you loved to hate but Michael Cole?? Really? He is annoying and comes across as a total idiot because unlike the other three guys mentioned; he never was in the wrestling business as a manager, wrestler or even referee so he seems that he is no more than a wrestling mark trying to sound cool (see Eric Bischoff).
*Separating the Hart Foundation – It looks inevitable that RAW is separating the Hart Foundation and turning Tyson Kid as a heel. I think this is a HUGE mistake. They are one of the most dominant tag teams in the WWE right now. Not only are they attractive to the younger generation because they are young and cool (plus they have Natalya, va va voom!) but they are attractive to the older nostalgic generation who remember the Hart/Neidhart combo. I can only hope that both Kid and Smith get an equal push as singles wrestlers because they are both excellent mat technicians.
* The Miz doesn’t have a belt!! – This is by far the best talking wrestler on RAW. I would have to say that he is also the number one heel on RAW and he needs to be wearing a belt. Now I know that he owns the “Money in the bank” case but that doesn’t guarantee that he will win the belt only have a shot. Let him get into a good, long feud like in the old days like Macho Man v. Steamboat where both guys can carry the feud in the ring and on the mic as well, but it seems that you keep shoving him around on a different angle every week (please let him lose the NXT flunkie too).
*Daniel Bryan has a belt!! (should be MIZ’s) – I admit that Bryan is a very talented wrestler but he has zero mic skills , lousy music ( always makes me look for an angry swarm of bees following him down the entrance ramp), and an overall BORING personality. Please get him a manager STAT!
*Not enough Maryse – GOOD LORD SHE IS HOT!! She is by far the hottest WWE Diva of all time including Sable, Wendi Richter and Luna Vachon. If looks weren’t simply enough, I don’t know a man alive that doesn’t love to hear that heavenly French accent. (Can you ask her to send me an autographed picture, preferably glossy color?) She should definitely have her own segment. It is not like the French has ever done anything else for us. Here are a few ideas for Maryse segment names:
Frenchie’s Pit (co-host Roddy Piper)
The Salon (co-host Brutus Beefcake)
RAW is Maryse! (co-host Chris Jericho)
The Italia-French Connection (co-host Santino) (BEST OPTION but tell Maryse to beware of the Cobra)
I hope this letter finds you well and your coma is going as expected. My condolences to Linda.
P.S. As a personal note, I heard a rumor that El Gigante was making a comeback in the WWE as the tag partner of Rey Mysterio. They are going to call the tag team “Opposito Mexicanos”. Can you confirm or deny?