Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain, it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow the one and only Phantom Lord and this is the all mighty Rant Of The Week. As always I am coming to you from the urban slum that is Brooklyn, New York and fall is finally upon us. It’s been rather windy and cool the last few days so it’s nice to have that crisp in the air. Over the last week TNA had Bound For Glory and the Impact with all the post PPV stuff. Yeah you can just imagine what I’m going to be saying about all of that so sit back and get ready because it will be some VINTAGE Phantom Lord fire & brimstone. But before I get to the bad, for my own sanity I will cover the good first. Despite what people might think I am not negative all the time. There’s actually stuff I enjoy.
First off Strikeforce had a really good main event last weekend with Nick Diaz defending the Strikeforce Welterweight title against K.J. Noons. The fight was a great stand up affair as Diaz and Noons just traded punches with each other. Noons it was just revealed had his jaw broken in the first round and his hand fractured in the second. The fight went the full five rounds and it is easily in the top five for 2010. Strikeforce though is TNA to the UFC’s WWE. They have all the talent and a great roster, but as usual the booking always seems to make things fall flat. Promotion also is pretty weak, as I honestly didn’t know there was a Strikeforce event on Showtime until a day or so before. But those things aside Diaz vs. Noons was a damn good fight.
According to MiddleEasy.com there was some good post fight drama as well involving Nick Diaz. If you remember a few months ago there was a HUGE brawl at the Strikeforce Nashville event when Miller got into the cage to trash talk Jake Shields. The Diaz brothers then went after him and all hell broke loose. MMA not understanding that non-MMA purists love scenes like this tried to keep Miller and Nick Diaz away from each other and apparently it didn’t work.
From what I was told, Mayhem was supposed to exit out of the post-fight press conference doors and take a right, while Nick Diaz was going to enter the room in the opposite direction. In short, both fighters would have never crossed paths if this initial plan actually worked, however things sort of ‘screwed up’. As Mayhem Miller was walking down the corridor, he abruptly turned around and walked the other way. As the two were approaching each other, things seemed to be somewhat civil. Out of nowhere, Nick Diaz launched a water bottle directly at Mayhem’s face — almost at point-blank range. It hit Mayhem directly in the face, water exploded everywhere and Miller looked stunned. Security got in-between the two and Nick Diaz held his arms up and said ‘Come on you fat [expletive]!’. He then tried shoving the security away to get close to Mayhem while screaming ‘Let’s do it right now!’. Nick Diaz managed to get within swinging distance, and then more security jumped in and held back Nick and finally got him to walk in the opposite direction, towards the post-fight press conference room. This altercation happened outside of the locker rooms. This is not a rumor, it’s 100% true.
Credit to www.middleeasy.com/
Man I really hope in the day and age with everyone and their mother having a camera phone there is video of this. If Strikeforce were smart they would sign Miller/Diaz all ready and promote the hell out of it. Build it up as the MMA equivalent of Haggler/Herns or something along those lines. Strikeforce doesn’t have many big money fights. They have one with it right here. They need to pull the trigger on it while the iron is still hot. I know it kills MMA purists when stuff like this happens. But these people need to realize that MMA is exactly what Boxing used to be. All the best Boxing matches were built on someone heeling it up and talking a lot of shit at a press conference coughALIcough. It’s a simple idea that works. You have a guy who the people want to see get beat. Of course if that guy is any good he won’t get beat and eventually you build up to a fight where maybe there is someone who can knock him out.
Since I am majoring in screen writing I understand basic plot points a lot better. All sports have them and Strikeforce if it wants to remain viable needs to exploit that in the future. When it comes to TNA, as a budding writer my head wants to explode. The plot points make no sense what so ever and some how this show. But I will get to that in a little bit and believe me there is a lot to get to.
Before I get to that I have to comment on how much I love John Cena having to go against everything he stands for and be subservient to Wade Barrett. Barrett is so great and to see Cena have to bow before him like Superman did to Zod is tremendous. Of course we all know how it’s going to eventually end when Cena gets that loophole so he can OVERCOME THE ODDS, but until then it’s going to be fun. Nexus has been booked pretty bad since Summerslam. But at least with this there is some hope that things will rebound. I really hope Barrett wins the WWE Championship and runs with it till Wrestlemania…that is if the WWE can overcome their A.D.D. when it comes to angles lasting more then a few weeks. Personally I wish the WWE would just go a bit further with Cena being subservient to Wade Barrett. For starters since he’s a member of Nexus he should dress as one. Barrett should force him to wear the shirt and get rid of that hideous purple shit he wears. I mean the kids will still wear it just because the kids will continue to support him no matter what. But it would be fun to see Cena stripped of his image. The heat Barrett would get probably would be mid 80’s Piper at MSG if done correctly.
Barrett as WWE Champion would be much better then Randy Orton right now. Randy Orton is great, but he is so out of his comfort zone right now as the WWE tries to make him the new Stone Cold. Okay sure Orton has the whole sociopath thing down pat. But there has just been something off with Orton the last few months since this new direction with him began. I don’t think it’s his fault. He’s on RAW so like most guys there he just goes through the motions because that’s all they want. It’s not like they have any competition so there’s no reason to go out all out. Well there’s Monday Night Football and some really good shows on against RAW, but in Vince’s mind while the WWE is apart of Americana…those are not competition. I know it’s crazy but you have to realize Vince is a wee bit out of touch with what’s hip. Yes he probably pays people a lot of money to tell him what’s hip, but as we know he doesn’t really listen to them and he ends up doing what ever he wants anyway. I can’t fault him for that though. If I had a company the size of the WWE I’d do what ever I wanted also. Luckily for us this stuff with Barrett is working right now so at least we can hope there will be a good Orton vs. Nexus feud where John Cena has to continue to serve the Nexus at every turn.
I read somewhere that the working idea for Cena and Barrett is supposed to be like the dynamic with Virgil and The Million Dollar Man. I am all for John Cena being a servant to Wade Barrett for the next five years or so.
Okay that will never happen, but one can dream.
Now what isn’t fun is watching TNA. TNA finally unleashed the latest in their continuing series of “EARTHSHAKING SURPRISES” as Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff turned heel along with Jeff Hardy as he won the TNA World Championship. In minor supporting roles of confusion where Abyss and Jeff Jarrett.
It wasn’t really a surprise since this was seen coming months ago. The moment TNA booked the venue in Daytona it was painfully clear what they were going to do. TNA is booked as a nostalgia company so why not go to the building where the n.w.o. Was formed and hope maybe some of that same magic is still floating around. Well that didn’t happen. What did happen was a very sad sight as Hulk Hogan limped and waddled his way down to the ring with a couple of security guards next to him to hold him up just incase gravity won it’s battle.
Hardy winning the TNA Title was lost in all of this as once again the main event was just the backdrop for the screw job of the moment.
I could have lived with TNA doing this, but on Impact they turned the stupidity up to eleven. First off they had to do a thirty-minute opening segment where Bischoff and Hogan explained in detail every small detail of how they stole TNA away from Dixie Carter. In the real world this would be the opening and closing arguments in the criminal case against them as they admitted to multi million-dollar fraud to get the controlling shares of TNA. Yes, Dixie is a moron because she didn’t read what was in front of her. But the fact still remains in the real world just because she was stupid enough to sign it does not mean it would still stand. But looking past that glaring error in logic and reason, this episode was something else. The show went damn near 76 minutes with out any wrestling what so ever. Yeah around the 45 minute mark there was a women’s match of sorts, but that was such an abortion it didn’t count at all (and I will get to that in a little bit).
This whole episode was like they took old WCW scripts and picked through them for the most insane stuff.
Somehow ratings wise it worked. TNA Impact drew a 1.41 rating (even though the ratings dropped like a rock later). The fact that TNA drew such a high rating for such a bad show means everyone in TNA thinks they have found a winning formula. So obviously this means more of this sort of stuff. This also means I won’t be watching TNA in the future if they keep doing this. I sound like a broken record at this point, but I guess I have to keep repeating myself when it comes to TNA. I remember ordering the early TNA ppv’s and they were everything the WWE wasn’t. Sure there was still plenty of the same kind of bullshit that WCW had but at least you were getting some damn good wrestling thrown in with it. Now it’s all bullshit…Nothing but BULLSHIT.
So we have this group Immortals which is headed by Hogan and Bischoff with Baby Hughie Abyss, Jeff “I know who signs my checks” Jarrett, and Jeff Hardy for the WTF factor. Jeff to his credit actually is pretty good as a heel. He was channeling some mid 90’s Raven during his promo when he said the fans were responsible for his pain. Jeff Hardy as a heel by himself with maybe a small stable of flunkies wouldn’t be so bad. But looking at this group, Jeff as the World Champion is FORTH behind Jarrett and Abyss.
ABYSS IS AHEAD OF THE FUCKING WORLD CHAMPION IN THE TOP STABLE IN THE COMPANY.
It gets better (if that’s even possible). After Hogan and Bischoff did their bit about how they run the company, out comes Fortune. Ric Flair and company get a huge pop from the crowd and they get our hopes up that maybe someone will stand up to Hogan.
Nope. Ric Flair bowed before Hogan and kissed his ring.
Ric Flair and Fortune are now the second string in Immortal. Basically the one group TNA somehow managed to work is now the N.W.O. B Team.
There was a lot more stuff on this episode of Impact but much like most of my childhood I am blocking it out for the benefit of my own sanity.
If you read the spoilers for the October 21st edition of Impact then you can only imagine what my reaction will be to that show. I won’t ruin it for the one or two of you who actually likes to be surprised. But lets just say the word DUMB and ASSESS will be used a lot that night.
Speaking of dumbass moves, TNA managed to destroy the once viable Knockouts division. Every now and then there is a glimmer of hope but in typical TNA fashion they just kill that hope. Ever since TNA ran the likes of Awesome Kong, ODB, and Alyssa Flash out of the company for various reasons the once mighty Knockouts division which was TNA’s only proven draw has become a shell of it’s former self.
I believe this chart of sorts was posted originally on Nodq.com and it explains my point better then I ever could.
Tara started off champion.
April 5, 2010: Angelina Love won the title in the Lockbox Challenge.
April 18, 2010: Madison won the title in a tag match by pinning Tara.
July 11, 2010: Angelina Love won the title by DQ.
July 13, 2010: Madison was awarded the title in a decision reversal.
August 9, 2010: Angelina pinned Madison to win the title.
October 10, 2010: Tara pinned Velvet Sky to win Angelina’s title.
October 11, 2010: Tara laid down and let Madison Rayne pin her to win the title.
In the past six months, there has been seven title changes, and the challenger pinned the reigning champion once in a competitive match.
That’s pretty damn amazing even for Russo booking. I really feel sorry for the women of the Knockouts division. They get paid next to nothing and the little television time they get is turned into a joke. I’ve always said the people who run TNA have women issues (ironic since the company is run in theory by a woman) and the way the Knockouts are treated proves it.
Last month there was this bit of news from an interview that Indy darling Sara Del Ray gave and this is what Sarah del Ray had to say about TNA in a recent interview
When asked whether she has had any contact with TNA about joining the Knockouts, she said: “Yeah, they’re not interested.” Later, speaking on whether she was ever told to be more ‘girly’, Del Rey said: “I’m feminine but I’m not super girly. I don’t want to be something I’m not and no one’s really told me that I have to be one way or another.”
She added: “TNA did tell me I need more of what The Beautiful People have and I kind of took that in the sense to be more feminine, but then I thought, ‘Oh, you already have a roster full of that.’
Yeah I can totally see why TNA wouldn’t want someone like her.
The Knockouts used to be everything the WWE divas weren’t. Now they might as well be clones of the division. Don’t get me wrong I love The Beautiful People. But centering the whole division around them as faces is just horrible. Evidence of this was the segments they had last week with J Woww of The Jersey Shore. In went over like the proverbial lead balloon. Add to that the fact TNA paid her $15 Thousand…yes THOUSAND (more then all the Knockouts combined make a month) for those segments and it just shows how stupid this company really is. Oh sure it might have gotten TNA some exposure (such as MTV saying she would be appearing with TNA Boxing), but over all it did not a damn thing for the product as a whole.
Plus that little show she’s on IS UP AGAINST IMPACT.
I feel sorry for Mickie James for signing with this company. Okay sure she doesn’t have to deal with Old Lady McCool anymore, but at least the WWE is somewhat competent when it comes to the women.
Don’t jump all over me. I didn’t say they were good, I just said they were somewhat.
The funny thing about Mickie James debut that should have honestly been much bigger then they handled it. In typical TNA fashion instead of hyping the hell out of it they just cut to the back and oh hey look it’s Mickie James. Mickie’s first TNA match was also squandered, as it wasn’t on a PPV or even on an Impact. It was just a random match on Xplosion. Mickie took on Sarita and that just proves my dumbass theory about TNA. I mean that right there is a match a lot of us would want to see. Instead it’s buried on a show THAT DOESN’T EVEN AIR IN THE UNITED STATES.
Oh there’s plenty of time for the mutual admiration society meetings with Hogan and Bischoff or Dixie Carter’s fine acting chops (SERGE…SERGE). But God forbid they give five minutes on Impact for a match that might actually draw in viewers.
I’ll probably continue to watch. I’m a glutton for punishment so I’ll just watch despite the fact I clearly know better. Besides ROH isn’t on regular cable television and there are no local wrestling companies here in New York City that are on television either. So on the off chance I want to see something interesting I’m stuck with TNA for the time being. Besides if they ever got their shit together and put on decent show I would probably have to officially retire writing columns. As long as TNA is the way it is then I’ll have a wealth of material for sometime to come.
On that note I am done for this week. Hopefully I will be back sooner rather then later with my next column. But school is getting pretty busy now and who knows if I’ll have the attention span for it. I will try to be back though as the WWE has another PPV most people won’t be ordering next weekend so depending on how that goes there could be interesting stuff to come out of it.
But until next time, remember someone has to give you this information and it DAMN well has got to be me.
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