Replay of key moments from last week’s iMPACT lead to the fireworks in the iMPACT Zone, no opening intro video tonight. The Beautiful People vs. Taylor Wilde and Sarita for the TNA Knockouts Title ((Of course iMPACT wouldn’t be iMPACT without one of the three blond bimbos wrestling, right?)) Team 3D vs. Ink Inc vs. The Band along with Kazarian vs. Lethal announced for tonight.
Jeff Hardy comes out with face paint and regular ring gear on. He says hello to the creatures and says he’s out for a simple reason, to “find out what is going on with Mr. Asshole himself” ((Guess you’re allowed to say “Asshole” in TNA, for those of you who were worried.)) Mr. Anderson comes out, also in ring gear and takes Jeff’s microphone. He says multiple variations of Jeff’s name (Jeffy, Jethro, etc.) He says that he does things like giving assists to maybe confuse people, maybe to confuse Jeff, to confuse the people, or because “I’m an asshole.” Loud cheer and a “We want asshole” chant starts up. He says Jeff has Green Hair, Face Paint, cool tattoos, he mocks his ring dance. He says some people says, and he mocks an old lady voice: “That guy is an asshole.” He point to various people in the audience and says that “He’s an asshole, she’s an asshole, would you like to be an asshole?” He proceeds to spell out “Asshole” while the audience chants on with him. AJ Styles comes out with Ric Flair and the rest of his “team” (Beer Money and Desmond Wolfe.) He says that he just got here and he was told he had a match, so he went to Bischoff and “he said you personally requested this match.” Jeff says that he didn’t request a match with anyone tonight. AJ says he wasn’t talking to Hardy and he was talking about Anderson. He asks Anderson if he knows who he is. That he is “AJ Styles, ‘The Phenomenal One’ AJ Styles, The One.” Anderson says he knows who he is but he wants to let AJ know who he is. He fakes introducing himself before giving Jeff his microphone back and calling for his microphone. He does his routine introduction and his music plays to close out the segment
Team 3D and Ink Inc. are in the ring talking before the Band’s music plays. Taz says the Band wrestles under “Band Rules” ((Did they really have to rename it? Really? It’s Freebird rules for those of you who are confused)) and they wrestle that way even during non-title matches.
TNA Tag Team Champions the Band (Eric Young and Scott Hall) vs. Team 3D vs. Ink Inc. (non-title)
Eric Young and Shannon Moore start off the match and Shannon quickly gains control with several fancy X-Division style moves and gets a two count. Shannon hits a top rope bulldog and gets a two count. Neal gets tagged by Moore and a double-team hip-toss only gets Neal a two count. A “Lets go Jesse” chant starts as Neal hits a spinning back fist from the top rope and gets two. Eric is able to get Neal in a corner and hit a right hand before Brother Ray tags himself in. Ray nails Neal with right hands, slaps to the chest and back, and stomps. Referee Slick Johnston gets on Ray for right hands and Brother Devon tags himself. During the little argument, Neal tags Moore back in ((Have you noticed Scott or Kevin haven’t been in the match at all. )) Moore gets a quick advantage on Devon and a two count on a quick roll-up. Jesse Neal is tagged back in and Bubba tags himself back into the match. Bubba hits several rib and head shots and stomps him in the corner. Decon tries to reason with Bubba but Bubba grabs a steel chair from the outside. Devon grabs the chair from Bubba and Neal hits a spear on Ray and gets the three count. Winner by pinfall: Ink Inc.
After the match the Band laughs as Bubba gets a Mic, He challenges Jesse Neal to a match at Slammiversary and Neal accepts. Brother Devon tries to reason with him and Bubba tells him to stay out of it.
Kazarian says he’s more confident than he’s ever been and it’s all because of Ric Flair. Ric comes in and tells Kazarian to manhandle Jay Lethal in their match tonight. Flair says he needs to beat him up and it will be harder than what it looks. AJ Styles comes in and says he’s been looking for Flair all night. Flair says he’s talking to Kazarian about his match with Lethal and AJ says he’s got a big match with Anderson tonight
RVD is on the backstage cam and says he is going to call out Sting tonight
Kazarian vs. Jay Lethal
Jay points down to the TNA logo on the ramp during his entrance and they play a video package showing him fighting Flair at Sacrifice and the fight last week on iMPACT. Kazarian has the early advantage before Lethal kicks him in the head. Kazarian gets dropkicked, monkey-flipped back into the ring and suicide dived and gets a two count. Drop kick by Lethal to Kazarian brings out Ric Flair who struts down the ramp. Kazarian kicks Lethal in the back of the head and chokes him with his boot in the courner. After a springboard leg drop by Kazarian, he acknowledges Flair. Lethal turns it around and hits several clotheslines and a moonsault for a two count. Jawbreaker by Kazarian leads to an enseguri-type kick from Lethal. Lethal grins at Flair and applys the Figure Four Leg Lock on Kazarian. Kazarian gets the rope and Lethal breaks the hold. Flair yells at Lethal and gets decked. Kazarian rolls up Lethal and pulls the tights. Winner by pinfall: Kazarian
After the match Flair takes his shirt and rolex off and starts nailing Lethal with chops and thrusts at the crowd. Lethal turns it around with a bunch of chops on Flair and he flops to the mat. Flair gets flipped and clothselined out of the ring which brings out AJ Styles. AJ immediately starts stomping and kicking Lethal. Kazarian pushes AJ out of the way and they start arguing. Lethal dropkicks both of them out of the ring. Flair starts yelling at AJ for it and AJ throws a tantrum.
They hype RVD calling out Sting and AJ Styles vs. Mr. Anderson later tonight. Backstage Shannon Moore is layed out with the Red Ace of Spades playing card on his back.
Video package plays highlighting the Abyss/Wolfe/Chelsea situation.
Orlando Jordan vs. Abyss
Orlando Jordan walks down the ramp a little bit before crawling on all fours. He has stickers of Abyss’s face on his nipples. Abyss comes out and calls for Chelsea. He tells her where to stand during the match. Taz just notices that Abyss has “pasties” on his breasts. As the bell rings Orlando makes his pecks dance ((Isn’t it bad enough when Chris Masters does this on Superstars.)) Orlando tries to go after the injured arm but Abyss gets him in a hammerlock. Jordan reverses and hits his arm. Abyss rips off the pasties and is favoring his arm. He charges at Jordan in the turnbuckle, but he moves and his injured arm slams into it. OJ bites the injured arm and rips the bandages off. He elbows and pinches the arm as he tries to reopen the cuts from Desmond on the last iMPACT. Orlando hits Old School ((Yes, you read that right)) on Abyss and puts one of the pasties back on and gets a two count. ((The sad thing is that Jordan is a good wrestler, but the bi gimmick really freaks everyone out, me included)) Abyss flattens him with a big boot and a big splash, but Jordan blocks the choke slam by raking the injured arm. Jordan goes to the top rope but Abyss catches him and slams him face first into the match. They go to the outside and Jordan pushes Abyss into Chelsea. Abyss decks Jordan twice before going back to check on Chelsea. Desmond comes down the ramp and hits Abyss in the back with a steel pipe. Winner by Disqualification: Abyss
Desmond rolls Abyss into the ring and him and Jordan starts stomping on the injured arm before the TNA Global Champion Rob Terry comes out. He decks Desmond and clotheslines Jordan. Desmond runs to the back and Jordan gets hit with the Freakbuster. Abyss carries Chelsea to the back and Terry stands over an unconscious Jordan.
RVD is walking to the ring, so he must be calling out Sting next
Another video package plays, this time highlights of Stings’ recent heel turn
Rob Van Dam and Sting Segment
Rob Van Dam searches the audience for Sting as he comes down the ramp. He asks Sting if he wants the TNA World Title ((Huh? He’s in a title match, what’s your guess.)) He says that he knows of his iconic status and that he has won a few titles himself. He says that he is surprised that his and Sting’s paths has crossed before, but there passing now and he is inviting her to the ring. Video plays on the big Titantron of Sting attacking Rob Van Dam. Sting says that “What I did to you is only a small taste of what you’re going to get.” They show that Sting is in the rafters he says that it will be showtime at Slammiversary
Hulk Hogan is seen in the backstage with Mr. Anderson. He tells Anderson that everyone hates him and asks him if that is what he wants. He mentions Anderson calling himself an “Asshole” ((Look who’s talking Mr. Sue happy)) Hulk tells Anderson that he better figure out what he is or he won’t exist in TNA. Anderson says that he’s been doing some serious soul searching and when he extended his hand to RVD, he meant it. He tells Hulk to watch his match with AJ tonight and that actions speak louder than words. They shake hands.
Puppet the Physco drawf, owner of Pint Sized Brawlers ((A new show of Midget Wrestling debuting soon on Spike)) is on commentary with Taz and Mike Tenay.
They go backstage to Christy Hemme interview Roxxi. Roxxi says she is excited she can wrestle after her injury in her match on the December 31st iMPACT against Hamada. Christy informs her because of her win last week, she gets to face Madison Rayne next month at Slammiversary for the TNA Knockouts Title. She is excited and says she never thought she’d have the chance to wrestle for the Knockouts Title ((Honestly, I never thought she’d be in a title match on a TNA PPV anytime soon))
TNA Knockouts Tag Team Championship: The Beautiful People (Lacey Von Erich & Velvet Sky) vs. Sarita and Taylor Wilde
The Beautiful People tease the group kiss twice during the entrance. Sarita mocks their dance before trying a surprise rollup and gets a two count. Sky tries to tag in Von Erich but she’s not close enough. Taylor and Sarita hit a double team drop toe hold/drop kick for a two count. Von Erich gets tagged in and locks in the claw and chokeslams Taylor for a three count. Winner by pinfall and still TNA Knockouts Tag Team Champions: The Beautiful People
After the match Puppet comes down to the ring and dances with the Beautiful People. He smacks Velvet Sky on the butt and gets pressed against her and Madison Rayne. He gets slapped by Velvet and DDT’ed by Madison. Lacey pleads for them to leave him alone. Once Madison and Velvet get to the top of the ramp, Puppet and Lacey roll around the ring and kiss as Madison Rayne is about to gag. ((I’ve never wanted to be a midget before, but I would have loved to be Puppet there 🙂 ))
Desmond Wolfe vs. Jeff Hardy
Kurt Angle is on commentary for the match. Kurt praises Desmond and Taz makes a “Lonely like a wolf” comment, referring to Chelsea’s absence. Surprisingly Kurt Angle stated he’s never faced Jeff Hardy, and would love to. Wolfe starts the match with a right hand to Hardy. Wolfe hits Hardy with Stiff Uppercuts and Angle says he likes Desmond’s ring style. Hardy mule kicks Wolfe, which knocks him to the outside, and Hardy hits a cross body to Wolfe. Jeff throws the Hardy sign for the fans and gets elbowed in the face by Wolfe. repeats his “Lonely like a wolf” comment after Angle mentions that he likes the “Creatures of the Night” name. Hardy’s Twist of Fate attempt was countered into an arm wringer by Desmond and gets a two count. Desmond tries to hit the Tower of London but Hardy avoids it. Hardy gets hit by a running uppercut, but Jeff tries again for the Twist of Fate, which was countered into a Hammerlock DDT and only got a two count. Jeff accidentally kicks the ref while coming down for a moonsault. Hardy hits the Twist of Fate but the referee is out cold. Desmond reaches into his trunks and grabs a sack full of quarters ((Didn’t Jerry Lawler do that like thirty years ago?)) and nails him with it. Hebner wakes up and Wolfe pins Hardy. The Winner by Pinfall: Desmond Wolfe
Kurt Angle said he is sticking around for the AJ Styles vs. Mr. Anderson match
Matt Morgan is in the ring. He said that two weeks ago “We” got attacked by Samoa Joe and “we” got robbed by the Band, now “we” have to find another partner. He issues an open challenge to anyone that wants to tag with him. He sees Angle up in the broadcast booth. He tells “the little bald guy” to come on down. He walks down to the ring and security follows him. Morgan said they would be no brutality and called security idiots. He calls Angle “kid” and asks him if he wants to be one half of the tag team champions? Angle said first that he wasn’t a little bald guy, and second “the last time we were in the ring, didn’t I kick your ass?” Morgan laughs and said that he has a since of humor and “we’re” looking for that. He says he knows he’s star struck, so he’ll ask one more time slowly. He piefaces Angle and Angle starts unloading on Morgan and Security tries to hold Angle back. Samoa Joe comes out and Morgan heads to the back. He said since “we” didn’t find the answer we were looking for “The Blueprint is off the clock.” Angle and Joe stare off. ((Although I would rather see The Motorcity Machine Guns face the Band for the tag titles, I’m interested in seeing if Joe ends up being Morgan’s partner))
AJ Styles vs. Mr. Anderson
Taz remarked that he would take the guy in blue ((FYI, both of them were wearing blue.)) AJ and Anderson tie up and Anderson backs AJ into a corner and let’s go. AJ Styles applies a headlock to Anderson and Anderson counters. They counter each other before they get back to their feet. Anderson kicks AJ in the gut and AJ nails a picture perfect dropkick for a two count. Anderson reverses a dropkick with a standing Green Bay Pledge and gets a two count. AJ rakes Anderson’s eyes and hits an enzuigiri. AJ rolls up Anderson, wraps both legs around the bottom rope, and grabs his trunks Winner by Pinfall: AJ Styles
After the match, Mr. Anderson smiles and raises his hand for the mic. One fans yells “Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner” ((What Mr. Anderson said when he advanced in the second round of the 8 Card Stud Tournament at Against all Odds 2010)) Anderson asks assholes if AJ pulled his trunks. They chant “yes he did” so Anderson starts hammering AJ with right hands. Beer Money comes out and James Storm chokes Anderson with his boot. AJ and Robert Roode stomp on him until Jeff Hardy runs to the ring with a steel chair. AJ and Beer Money run up the ramp. Hardy extends his hand and Anderson shakes it to close the show