TNA iMPACT Report – May 3rd, 2010
Report by Stuart Carapola, PWInsider
Tonight’s show opens with a video package recapping last week’s show, and then we go to Hogan and Bischoff in a limo talking about how bad Ric Flair is going to flip out when they see who Hogan gives his Hall Of Fame ring to, and they also anticipate a sticky situation when they confront Sting tonight.
We head to the Impact Zone as Mike and Taz welcome us to the show and drop the big announcement that TNA Impact is returning home to Thursday nights because of the feedback of the fans. Well, that’s one way of putting it. They discuss tonight’s Sting-Hogan Summit, as Sting told Taz earlier that Sting will break his silence tonight.
Ric Flair’s music hits, but instead of Ric Flair, out comes Jay Lethal, who appears to have ditched the Randy Savage gimmick in favor of impersonating Flair and even seems to have Flair’s ring on. This guy’s ability to do impressions is uncanny. He does a dead on impression of Flair as he talks about Hogan wanting to do this at the end of the show but he couldn’t wait because he’s the 16 time, 16 time, 16 time World Champion, and to be the Man, you’ve got (he stops to tear his jacket off and do the Flair strut off the ropes and kneedrops the jacket), to be the Man, you’ve got to beat the Man. I’m telling you, he does a much more convincing Flair than AJ Styles does. The crowd starts chanting “we want Flair” and almost as if on cue, Flair’s music hits and The Real Man comes strolling out. Flair looks like he’s trying really hard not to crack up as the crowd chants “double vision” at them. Flair asks Lethal if he knows where he is, and Flair tells him he’s standing in front of God. Flair says that nobody walks out here and disrespects him, takes off his sunglasses and stomps on them, then asks Lethal if he wants to be Ric Flair…but Lethal willingly takes off the Hall Of Fame ring and hands it back to Flair and says that he meant no disrespect, he just always wanted to be the Nature Boy, even if it was just for two minutes, and tells Flair that he’s The Man, and as sure as they’re standing here today, he’s going to get this footage, frame it, and hang it on his wall because this is the greatest moment of his life. In Elizabeth, NJ there is a beautiful woman who’s watching this and knows that her little boy has made it because he’s standing in the ring with Ric Flair. Flair thanks Lethal for giving back the ring, but tells Lethal that doesn’t dig him out of the hole he’s in. Flair smacks Lethal, takes his shirt off, then slaps him again. He says that he’s Ric Flair and that makes him God, and to tell his mother that the greatest moment of his life is going to turn into the saddest moment of his life and slaps him again. This time Lethal slaps him back and a brawl breaks out with Lethal getting the better of Flair and putting him in the figure four, but out comes Beer Money, AJ Styles, and Desmond Wolfe to put the boots to Lethal. The four of them are too much for Lethal, and they hold him so Flair can kick him in the nuts. Suddenly, Abyss comes waddling out and tries to make the save, but he gets outnumbered and beat down as well. Finally Team 3D comes out to try and make the save, and they get beat down too. Now the World Champion’s music hits, and out comes Rob Van Dam with a chair, and the heels clear out before RVD even makes it into the ring.
We go back to Hogan and Bischoff in the limo, and Hogan gets a text message and then tells the driver to turn around because they have a problem. As the driver busts a U-turn, we head to our first commercial break!
We’re back, and Van Dam’s crew is still in the ring, having apparently waited patiently for the Hogan/Bischoff segment and commercial break to run their course so they can have their turn to talk. RVD has an idea, instead of beating up on “Macho Dude”, why don’t the Four Horse’s Asses come down to the ring for a fair fight. Flair says if they want more, they’ve got it, and Flair’s team rushes the ring and the brawl breaks back out and spills out of the ring and all around ringside and up the rampway. Flair gets Lethal in the nuts again as Hogan’s music hits, and he comes stalking out, singlehandedly beating up all of Team Flair by himself. What a leader. It’s down to Hogan and Flair alone in the ring, and Hogan beats him up too and tosses him over the top rope to the floor as we go to another commercial break.
We’re back from the commercial break, and this stupid fight is STILL going on. I mean, it’s really easy on me to recap, but come on! Finally Hogan grabs a mic and says that since they just beat The Man, they can quote The Man, and says TNA is the best thing going today. Hogan’s not mad about this, but the TNA fans want action and that’s what we’ve got here. He singles out Desmond Wolfe and says that since he wants action tonight, it’s going to be Desmond Wolfe against RVD for the TNA World Title, and he’s also going to put AJ Styles in the ring with Abyss in a Monster’s Ball. Also, Beer Money, Team 3D, and the Motor City Machine Guns will have a three way match tonight. We see Sting wandering around in the rafters as Taz reminds us of the Hogan-Sting Summit later on tonight, where Sting will break his silence. And we’re back to commercial!
We’re back with the Beautiful People in their dressing room, and Lacey’s complaining about her back hurting because she wears her championship belt to bed. Both titles are on the line tonight and Madison Rayne says that the titles aren’t going anywhere tonight, and Lacey says “See, I knew you weren’t supposed to take them off.”
We go back to the ring with Brian Kendrick and Doug Williams, and Williams is very upset over being stripped of the X-Division Title. With all the weather and flying conditions, he thinks it’s just not right that he was the one who was punished, and to make matters worse, he finally gets back to TNA and is stuck in a tag match with Kendrick. Kazarian’s been running around calling himself the champion, but before he can call himself the champion, he’ll have to beat Williams at Sacrifice. We go right into our next match…
Douglas Williams & Brian Kendrick vs Shannon Moore & Jesse Neal
Neal and Williams start and Williams outwrestles him. Williams tries a charge in the corner but eats an elbow and Neal gets a crossbody out of the corner for 2. Williams catches Neal with a gutwrench suplex and tags in Kendrick, who viciously goes to work on Neal. Matt Morgan joins the announce team as Williams slams Neal and drops a series of knees off the ropes and gets a 2 count. Morgan is upset because he feels like Hogan’s trying to stack the deck against “them” by putting “them” in a match with Neal and Moore at Sacrifice, and demands Hogan tell him who “their” partner will be at Sacrifice against Neal and Moore. Neal makes a hot tag and Moore comes in and cleans house on the heels, hitting an atomic drop and leg lariat on Kendrick for 2. Moore gets a Blockbuster out of the corner and Neal hits the Spear on Kendrick for the win.
Winners: Shannon Moore & Jesse Neal
Williams and Kendrick have words after the match, and as they argue it out, Samoa Joe comes out and destroys both of them, then takes the mic…then changes his mind, throws down the mic, and walks off as we’re back at commercial.
We’re back and JB is in the back with Team Flair…oops, he’s not because Flair kicks him out. Flair is irate over the five of them getting their ass kicked yet again, and goes to them one by one and tells them all to go out there tonight and make it happen or he will find replacements for all of them.
We go to a pretaped promo with Hulk Hogan, who says that the last two years of his life has been a shambles, and now he comes to TNA and is met with problem after problem. He wonders why Sting is doing what he’s doing, and tonight he’s going to find out what’s happening with Sting. He’s done, and tonight he’s getting in Sting’s face. We go to Mike and Taz as they debate what we’re going to see out of Sting and Hogan later tonight, and then discuss the matches that are yet to come. Also, we’re going to have Jeff Hardy live at the top of the hour…but wait a minute, there’s something going on backstage! We go back and see a brawl between Pope and Ken Anderson, and Anderson gets the better of him and repeatedly rams a crate into Pope before stealing his sunglasses and leaving Pope laying.
We’re back and Ken Anderson is coming out to the ring dressed as an altar boy. He tells the ladies and gentlemen of the congregation not to judge him for his beautiful attire, because he stands before them at a loss for words. The crowd chants “you suck” at him, and he says “forgive them father, for they know not what they say.” Great ad lib. Anderson says that he has had a revelation, and that’s that…(crowd chants “we want Pope”)…Anderson says that unfortunately Pope will not be able to be here tonight, but he has had the revelation that he will not go to Heaven, but will instead burn in Hell. Jeff Hardy’s music hits and he comes bopping down to the ring to confront Anderson. Hardy says that the Congregation and the Creatures of the Night are one and the same, and since his good friend the Pope won’t be cleared to wrestle for some time because of Anderson, Hardy says he needs a match at Sacrifice and he wants that match to be against Anderson. Crowd starts a big “Hardy” chant. Anderson is aghast that Hardy would come out here and challenge him and asks Hardy if he thinks Anderson’s not going to accept the challenge…and then says any other night is fine, but he’s busy that night. Anderson says he’s tired of Hardy and all the sinners and is going to leave, then turns around and tries to attack Hardy, but Hardy sees it coming, knocks Anderson out, rips off the altar boy outfit, and asks Anderson if he accepts the challenge for Sacrifice, then moves Anderson’s mouth for him and goes “I would love to, Charismatic Enigma! It’s always been a dream of mine!” Funny stuff. We’re back at commercial!
We’re back, and it’s time for some Knockouts Title action!
Tna Knockouts/Knockouts Tag Team Title Match: The Beautiful People vs Tara, Sarita & Taylor Wilde
Tara and Lacey start, Tara controls early but Lacey gets a spinkick. Sarita tags in and sunset flips Lacey, but Lacey makes the tag to Velvet Sky. Velvet tries a charge on Sarita in the corner, Sarita gets the boot up, and gets a flapjack for 2. Sarita tags out to Taylor and suplexes Taylor onto Velvet for 2, but Velvet fights her way free and tags out to Madison Rayne. Taylor goes to make the hot tag to Sarita, but Tara tags herself in. Sarita is upset by this and tags herself in, causing Tara to turn around and nail Sarita, then lays out Taylor as well and follows her out to the floor as the Beautiful People drag Sarita back in and hit a double DDT for the win.
Winners: The Beautiful People
Tara is obviously very upset with the way this match played out, and calls Taylor and Sarita a couple of losers.
Still to come tonight: AJ Styles vs Abyss, Desmond Wolfe challenges RVD for the TNA World Title, and a three way tag match, all of which has to get crammed into the next 45 minutes! Actually less than that, because it’s time for another commercial break!
We’re back, and Christy is interviewing Tara, who says she’s tired of this because she doesn’t get respect from anyone unless she has the Knockouts Title around her waist. She challenges Madison Rayne to put the Knockouts Title on the line at Sacrifice, and says that she’ll put her career on the line in that match as well. I guess we all know how that match will turn out.
Okay, back to the ring!
Motor City Machine Guns vs Beer Money vs Team 3D
Sabin and Roode start the match with a fast paced sequence, then Storm and Shelley tag in for another fast paced sequence that ends with Shelley getting a 2 count on Storm. Trust me, it was too fast to recap. Shelley tags out to Devon, who nails Storm with a clothesline for 2, then beats him down in the corner. Roode gets a boot to the back of Devon from the outside and tags in and starts putting the boots to Devon. Tag back out to Storm and they hit a double suplex and then do the Beer…Money gimmick before covering Devon for 2. Beer Money work Devon over and whip him into the corner, but Storm misses a charge and Devon clotheslines Roode, then makes the hot tag to Brother Ray, who comes in and cleans house on Beer Money. 3D does the Whazzup, a joke which died an obscure death ten years ago, and then Hall and Nash rush the ring and attack Team 3D, drawing the DQ.
Eric Young comes out with a kendo stick to chase off Hall & Nash and then, predictably, nails 3d with it instead and does the Too Sweet handshake. The MCMG come in and clear out all three members of the Band, but get nailed by Beer Money, who hit the DWI on Shelley as Young puts the boots to Brother Ray. This show is just falling apart more and more by the segment.
We’re back, and it’s time for the debut of the O-Zone! Jiz Man comes out in one of his cute little outfits and spreads his legs wide open on the couch for all our viewing pleasure. He says that everyone thinks he has a little freak in him, but his guest tonight really is the freak…TNA Global Champion Rob Terry. Orlando raises his hand at a curtain which raises up to reveal a cardboard cutout of Rob Terry. Orlando says he thought he had the perfect body and some amazing bulges, but look at Rob Terry, his abs are absolutely amazing. What Orlando wants to know and what everyone watching wants to know is what kind of fantasies does a freak have? Who does Rob Terry fantasize about? Orlando figures Terry must fantasize about him, and he’s honored. Suddenly, Rob Terry’s music hits and he comes out, shoves Jordan down, tears up the cardboard cutout of himself, and tells Orlando not to make him come back. Then he takes his belt and goes to leave, but Orlando attacks him from behind and puts the boots to him, then chokes him out with his kinky chain, then stomps him some more and throws his birdbath onto the prone figure of Rob Terry. I never thought I’d see the day when a birdbath was used as a weapon on a wrestling show, but I guess I should know by now not to take anything for granted in this business. We head back to the ring for our next match…
Monster’s Ball: AJ Styles vs Abyss
AJ jumps Abyss on his way to the ring and tosses a trash can at Abyss, but charges Abyss and gets backdropped back into the ring. Abyss wedges a chair in the corner, ducks a chairshot from AJ, and levels him with a big boot. Abyss grabs a crutch (funny how crutches always seem to become a foreign object in these kinds of matches. Are there just a lot of cripples hanging out backstage at wrestling shows or something?) and takes a swing at AJ, but AJ ducks and hits the Pelle kick, then stomps away at Abyss in the corner. AJ comes off the ropes and Abyss just presses AJ about seven feet up in the air and AJ comes down hard. Abyss dodges a leapfrog, rams AJ into the chair in the corner, and hits Shock Treatment for 2. Abyss goes and gets the thumbtacks and pours them in the ring as Flair brings Chelsea down to the ring and tells her to take her clothes off. Chelsea seems really upset by this request and Abyss tries to defend her, but AJ nails him from behind with several chairshots and then a springboard crossbody onto the thumbtacks for the win.
Winner: AJ Styles
AJ beats up Abyss some more after the match as Chelsea takes off her trenchcoat anyway and reveals a really hot outfit underneath, I guess showing Abyss what he’ll never have. I give up trying to figure this company out. We’re at commercial.
We’re back and still have RVD vs Desmond Wolfe and the Hogan-Sting Summit with 15 minutes left. Gee, I wonder which of those will get more time.
TNA World Title Match: Rob Van Dam vs Desmond Wolfe
Wolfe jumps RVD before the bell and viciously works him over at ringside and again back in the ring. Desmond with a charging European Uppercut in the corner and goes for the Tower Of London, but RVD blocks and reverses a whip across the ring, but Desmond catches him in the corner with the kick/forearm combo for 2. RVD starts firing back, but Desmond with a hammerlock takedown for 2. Wolfe rams RVD into the corner and then does the RVD pose, but when he charges off the ropes, RVD goes up top and hits a flying jump kick and Rolling Thunder, then tries the Five Star Notebook Splash, but Desmond crotches him and goes for the Tower Of London, then changes his mind and goes for the Tower Of London on the apron, but RVD fights out again and hits another jumpkick and they’re on the rampway. RVD backdrops Wolfe back in and hits the Five Star Notebook Splash for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
RVD celebrates after the match but AJ Styles runs out and nails RVD and invokes the rematch clause, saying that he’s going to take the title when he gets his shot at Sacrifice.
Backstage, Hogan is checking on Jeff Jarrett, who says that he was jumped by Sting. The Hogan-Sting Summit is next!
We’re back for what we all knew was the real main event of tonight’s show, as it’s time for the Hogan-Sting Summit. Hogan comes out first and says that when he came to TNA, he realized what he was in for, but when he talked about change, he had no idea that the guy he was going to count on most to be the leader of TNA was going to change, so it’s time to find out what’s real and not real, and he calls Sting out to the ring to find out what’s real. Sting comes out to the ring and Hogan tells him that he can fool some of the people some of the time, but Hogan’s been around too long to be fooled. He knows who Sting is and what he’s all about, and asks Sting to let him in on this latest change. Sting grabs a mic and says he can’t wait to tell Hogan what makes him tick: it’s TNA. It’s like Hogan’s asking Sting what his agenda is, and it’s exactly what it was when he came to TNA five years ago, and that’s to give back to the sport of wrestling that he loves so much, especially to TNA because he loves this company. When he thinks about all the years that Hogan was in the WWF, he had this canopy of protection over him the whole time, and in WCW he saw firsthand that he had the same veil of protection over him, but this is TNA and in TNA he doesn’t have this protection. Hogan says he understand now, it’s not about TNA, it’s about Hogan and Sting. Hogan says Sting can’t take cheapshots at people and choke Dixie Carter, and Sting still has blood on his hands. He just left Jeff Jarrett laying, and asks if that’s what makes Sting tick. Sting gets a good laugh, and says that Hogan is one of the best chess players of all time, and now it’s Hogan’s move. Sting points the bat at Hogan’s throat, and Hogan tells Sting to take his best shot. Suddenly, Jeff Jarrett comes down to the ring and attacks Sting with the bat, but Hogan stops him…and that’s the end of the show.
TNA iMPACT Report – May 3rd, 2010