Report by Richard Trionfo, PWInsider
We are live on tape from London, England and your announcers are Jerry ‘I will not abdicate my throne’ Lawler and Michael ‘Why is Captain Harkness looking at me like that’ Cole.
‘Hoff’ is flashing on the TitanTron so the Druidettes come out and KITT comes out and David Hasselhoff comes out. The Druidettes are some local females as they take off their robes. David says that it is an honor to be here. Hoff says that he feels Hoffsome about tonight. He says that the Hoff has finally come back to Monday Night Raw. He says that he has heard the cries from the WWE Universe that they love Raw, but there is not enough Hoff. He says that he knows how to throw a party that you will never forget or never remember. He says that he will pay homage to the most watched show in the world. There will be a match to honor Baywatch. There will be a Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Tag team match. He says that he was watching Smackdown the other night and he says that there is no number one contender for the World Title. If you beat the champion twice, you should get a match. At Extreme Rules, Jack Swagger will defend his title against Randy Orton. Hoff gets serious and he says that the two number one contenders are in the building and they will be facing each other (even though the match was given away by Lawler as the show started). We will start with a Divas Title match.
Match Number One: Eve Torres versus Maryse for the Divas Title
Maryse slaps Eve and then they each grab some hair. Maryse goes to the floor and Eve goes out after her. Maryse with another slap and then she sends Eve into the apron. Maryse rolls Eve back into the ring and then Eve with forearms to Maryse followed by an Irish whip but she runs into an elbow. Eve with a kick to Maryse and then she hits a neck breaker. Eve goes to the turnbuckles and misses a moonsault and both ladies are down. Maryse with more slaps to Eve and then she sets for the DDT but Eve blocks it and gets the three count with a rollup and bridge.
Big Show and Miz are walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back with the Double Down Showdown: John Cena being screwed by his second tag team partner last week.
The Miz and Big Show come to the ring. Show says that he has something to say before Miz’ big announcement. Show says that he was skeptical at first about whether they would work well as a team. After Wrestlemania and last week, they can be special as a team. Miz says that he cannot believe that a man so big has a small ego. Miz says that it is safe to say that the Shiz is the greatest tag team in WWE history. Miz cannot believe that people booed that comment. Miz wants to know who is better than them. Miz says that nobody in the crowd has any credibility.
Miz is interrupted by Bret Hart’s music and he comes to the ring. Bret says that they call themselves the greatest tag team of all time, but he can name two teams way better than the Shiz. First, the Hart Foundation, voted the greatest tag team of all time in the WWE. Bret also mentions the British Bulldogs. Those were teams that were great for years, not a few months.
Miz says that Hasselhoff isn’t the only 90s icon who is delusional. Miz says that if we were in his era, he would put Bret in a Sharpshooter faster than Bret could put a pair of sunglasses on a fat kid at ringside. Miz says that he likes the British Bulldogs, but he would have no trouble slapping the British Bulldogs in their little British faces. Show suggests that Bret leave, but Bret says that there is a tag team that he knows that can beat the Shiz.
The Hart Dynasty comes to the ring.
Miz says that they are not champions so they can’t go from show to show like the champions.
Bret reminds everyone that he wrestled David’s father in one of the greatest matches of all time.
Miz wonders how that affects them.
David says that his father is watching this match tonight and that is why he is making a challenge. He challenges the Miz to a match tonight. Smith says that if they win, they get a Unified Tag Title Match at Extreme Rules.
Show and Miz think about it and Miz says that Show thinks it is a mistake while Miz says that he likes the opportunity. Miz says that he wants to add a condition, that when he wins, Bret Hart will declare on Raw next week that the Shiz is the greatest tag team of all time.
The Harts huddle up and they agree.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Two: The Miz with Big Show versus David Hart Smith with Tyson Kidd and Natalya
Smith with a rollup for a near fall as the match is joined in progress. Smith with a waist lock and take down as Miz tries to escape. Smith with another take down as Miz gets to his feet again. Miz with an elbow to get out of the hold but Smith with a running shoulder and kicks in the corner. Smith with an Irish whip but he runs into a knee. Smith with a back body drop to Miz and then he punches Smith. Natalya slaps Miz as the referee is out of position. Smith sets for an hits a delayed vertical suplex in a vintage tribute to his father. Smith gets a near fall. Miz kicks Smith in the knees as he follows Show’s advice. Miz runs Smith into the turnbuckles and then he goes up top for a double sledge and he gets a near fall. Miz with forearms to the head and then he puts Smith in a rear chin lock. Smith gets Miz on his shoulders and he runs Miz into the turnbuckles. Smith sends Miz across the ring and then he punches Miz but Miz with a kick and punches. Smith with a clothesline and running shoulder tackle and another clothesline. Smith with a power slam for a near fall. We get a near fall from an inside cradle by the Miz but Smith with a belly-to-belly suplex for a near fall. Smith misses a charge into the corner and then Miz with the running clothesline into the corner. Miz goes back up top but Smith with a big boot and Miz is down. Smith sets for the Sharpshooter. Show gets to the apron and Smith releases the hold and Smith drop kicks Show. Kidd comes off the apron and Show punches Kidd. Show pushes Kidd into the ring and the referee looks at Kidd and then Show punches Smith and Miz hits the Skull Crushing Finale for the three count.
Winner: The Miz
Show and Miz celebrate in the ring as we go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to take a look back at the job that David Otunga did as guest host last week.
We are back and Batista is with David Otunga in the back. They talk about what Batista did to Cena and Otunga says that he thought he broke Cena’s neck. They talk about Batista’s match with Orton tonight. Batista tells Otunga to get him a cup of coffee. Otunga says that Batista almost had him and then he says that since he was going to get a cup of coffee so he will get Batista one.
Hasselhoff and the Bellas say hello to Otunga and he wants to know if Otunga wonders why he is here tonight. Otunga suggests that maybe he can be the Hoff’s adopted grandson. Hasselhoff has a Hasselcough and says that he was invited by John Cena. Hasselhoff asks KITT how long the match will be and then he says goodbye to ‘The D List’.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Three: Evan Bourne versus Carlito
They lock up and Carlito with a knee and punch before sending Bourne into the turnbuckles. Carlito with an Irish whip but Bourne moves when Carlito charges into the corner. Bourne with a head scissors but Bourne has a kick blocked and Carlito with a front face driver. Carlito kicks Bourne and gets a near fall. Carlito with a rear chin lock but Bourne with kicks to get out of the hold. Carlito with a boot to the head as Bourne comes off the ropes and Carlito gets a near fall. Carlito with a belly-to-back suplex for a near fall. Carlito with punches and kicks in the corner and the referee pulls Carlito out. Bourne with kicks to the leg and one to the ribs. Carlito misses the springboard back elbow but Bourne does not miss the head scissors and then he hits a running drop kick into the corner for a near fall. Carlito hip tosses Bourne into the turnbuckles. Bourne is put on the turnbuckle and Carlito misses the lungblower and Bourne stays on top and hits the Shooting Star Press for the three count.
Winner: Evan Bourne
We go to commercial as we prepare for David Otunga’s match against John Cena.
We are back and did you know that on the day of Wrestlemania, that was the number one search term on Google.
Match Number Four: John Cena versus David Otunga in a Non Title [non sanctioned by NXT] Match
Cena with a take down and he puts Otunga in a reverse chin lock. Cena works on the wrist and Otunga gets to his feet. Cena with a full nelson and snap mare into a reverse chin lock. Cena with a top wrist and take down for a near fall. They lock up in a Greco Roman Knuckle Lock and Cena with a kick and punches. Cena with more punches and Otunga goes down. Cena with a suplex or two. Cena pushes Otunga to the side and wants Batista to come to the ring. Cena realizes that his match is still going on and he hits a clothesline and then he puts Otunga in the STF and Otunga taps like an A Lister.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, Cena wants Batista to come to the ring and Batista removes his vest, shirt, and undershirt before walking to the ring. He stops after a few steps and he wants his spotlight.
The crowd chants ‘You Tapped Out’ at Batista
We go to commercial.
We are back with the Slam of the Week: Sheamus’ attack on Kofi with the Yet Unnamed Pipe before Triple H made his way to the ring for the return of the GameHammer.
Sheamus comes to the ring and he has something to say. He says last week Triple H said that he made a mistake bringing a pipe to a sledgehammer fight. Sheamus says that he did not make a mistake because he made Triple H tip his hand because he only brings out the sledgehammer when he cannot beat someone. Sheamus says that it is official and at Extreme Rules, it will be a Street Fight. Sheamus says that he grew up in the streets in Dublin. It is tougher than any city in the US or in this fallen empire. Sheamus tells Hunter that by showing up at Extreme Rules, he will be making a mistake. He says that it will be a mistake that he will regret for the rest of his life.
Kofi Kingston comes out and he has something to say. Kofi says that it is funny that Sheamus would come out here and talk about mistakes. Kofi says that if Sheamus thought that he would get away with what he did last week without him doing anything, he is sorely mistaken. Kofi says that he talked to David Hasselhoff and he will get some payback because they will have a match tonight.
Match Number Five: Sheamus versus Kofi Kingston
They lock up and Sheamus sends Kofi into the corner. Sheamus gets kicked by Kofi but Sheamus with a kick of his own and a side head lock. Kofi with forearms but Sheamus with a shoulder tackle. Kofi with kicks to Sheamus and then Sheamus yells at the referee. Kofi with kicks and a drop kick and then Kofi drops down and Sheamus goes through the ropes. Kofi goes to the apron but Sheamus returns to the ring. Kofi blocks a shot into the ring post and Kofi goes up top and hits a missile drop kick for a near fall. Sheamus with a double forearm to Kofi and both men are down. Kofi goes to the apron and Sheamus with a running knee lift and Kofi goes to the floor. Sheamus sends Kofi into the apron and then he connects with a forearm to the back. Sheamus gets a near fall and then he goes to an arm bar and cross face. Kofi with a punch but Sheamus with a power slam for a near fall. Sheamus with an elbow to the back of the head and then he tries to suplex Kofi to the floor but Kofi blocks it and then he kicks Sheamus. Sheamus with a forearm and he returns to the ring. Kofi with kicks to Sheamus as he avoids punches from Sheamus. Kofi with another drop kick and then he hits the leaping clothesline. Kofi with the Boom drop and sets for Trouble in Paradise but instead he leaps into the corner and connects with punches. Sheamus misses the pump kick but Kofi does not miss Trouble in Paradise. Sheamus gets his hand on the rope to stop the count. They go to the announce table and Sheamus hits Kofi with the monitor in the ribs and the head and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Kofi Kingston by disqualification
After the match, Sheamus picks up Kofi and runs him into the ring post. Sheamus picks up Kofi again and runs him abdomen first into the ring post. While Kofi hangs from the apron, Sheamus with a boot to the head. The referee tells Sheamus to stop the attack. Sheamus says that is what he is going to do to Triple H as he holds Kofi’s head up after the attack.
We go to commercial.
We are back and Carlito is looking for Hasselhoff for a rematch. Kozlov says that he hasn’t been given a match on Raw. Carlito says the guest hosts don’t care about the guys, they only care about themselves. Carlito says that if he doesn’t go to Smackdown, he will quit. They wonder who the guest host is next week and they say it is the cast of MacGruber. Kozlov says next week, he gets what he wants or he will destroy MacGruber.
It is time to run through the card for Extreme Rules.
Randy Orton is in the back with Josh Mathews and Josh asks Randy about his title match against Jack Swagger. Randy looks at Josh and then he says that Extreme Rules means that there are no rules and he is perfectly fine with that. Randy says that he has sent over a dozen people to the hospital, but that was by playing by the rules. He says that Swagger winning Money in the Bank is a double edged sword. He says that his plans at the pay per view are business, but tonight against Batista it is completely different. Randy says that is something that he has been looking forward to for a long time.
We go to commercial.
Match Number Six: The Bella Twins versus Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim versus Rosa Mendes and Jillian Hall in a Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Match with Guest Lifeguard David Hasselhoff and Guest Referee Santino Marella
Kelly and Jillian start things off and Jillian pushes Kelly but Kelly pushes back. Kelly lands on her feet when she is flipped and then Kelly with a head scissors. Brie tags in and hits a drop kick on Jillian for a near fall. Rosa pulls Brie’s hair and Jillian gets her up and hits a Samoan drop for a near fall. Rosa tags in and she kicks Brie. Rosa with a suplex and a near fall. Rosa tries for a slam but Brie with a rollup for a near fall. Jillian breaks up the cover and then Gail with a clothesline to Jillian. Nikki switches and gets the three count on an inside cradle.
Winners: The Bella Twins
After the match, Jillian argues with Santino and she pushes him and he swallows his whistle. Santino collapses and someone needs to help him. Hornswoggle comes from his duties at the kiddie pool and does CPR and then does a frog splash to get the whistle out. Hornswoggle and Santino hug in the ring.
Batista is walking in the back as we go to commercial.
We are back and it is time to look at a video of the WWE European tour.
Match Number Seven: Randy Orton versus Batista
They stare at each other as the bell rings and then they back off. They lock up and Batista with a clean break. Batista with another clean break on Orton. Orton with a side head lock and a drop toe hold as Batista gets to the ropes. They lock up again and Orton with another side head lock but Batista picks up Orton and carries him to the ropes and Batista pushes Orton and Orton pushes back and punches Batista and Batista goes to the floor and he attacks the ring steps. Orton with a back breaker and then it is time for the Garvin Stomp. Orton misses the knee drop and Orton goes to the floor after being sent into the ring post as we go to commercial.
We are back and Batista with an arm bar. Batista with a running clothesline into the corner and Orton goes down. Batista with a forearm to Orton’s head and the referee warns Batista. Batista breaks the count and then he returns to the floor and kicks Orton in the head. Batista gets a near fall. Batista with a front face lock. Orton with a European uppercut but Batista with a clothesline and Orton goes down again. Batista rips off the protective cover to the announce table and then he rearranges things before pulling Orton out of the ring. Orton sends Batista into the announce table. Batista returns to the ring and the referee continues his count. Batista with a kick to the head as Orton returns to the ring. Batista with a kick to the head and he gets a near fall. Batista waits for Orton to get up for the spear but Orton with a kick to the head and then he sends Batista into the ring post. Orton and Batista exchange punches and the crowd responds accordingly. Batista with an Irish whip but Orton with a knee and clotheslines. Batista with a kick to the head and then he tries for a power slam but Orton escapes and he hits a power slam of his own. Orton twists to the mat and he does some push ups before the RKO. Orton thinks about it and he tries for the free kick but Batista goes to the floor. They fight on the floor and Batista sends Orton back into the ring and Orton with a kick as Batista returns to the ring and Orton with the IEDDT for a near fall. Orton with another twisting fall to the mat as we get more push ups and he tries for the RKO but Batista pushes him off and Batista hits the spinebuster. Batista shakes the ropes and gives the thumbs down. Orton with an RKO and before he can make the cover, Swagger comes to the ring and the referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Randy Orton by disqualification
After the match, Swagger hits a Doctor Bomb on Orton and then he leaves the ring.
Swagger poses outside the ring and John Cena knocks Swagger down before getting into the ring to put Batista in the STF. All of the referees eventually pull Cena off Batista and then Cena stands over Batista as we go to credits.
Report by Richard Trionfo, PWInsider