By: Daniel Wilkenfeld of PWTorch.com
[Opening Credits]
Speaking of the devil, here’s Jeff Jarrett. Hopefully he’s just here to announce a procedure for picking someone else as captain, but I’m not optimistic. He reminds us what happened last week. He adds that there was going to be a series of matches leading up to Lockdown to determine who gets the early numbers advantage. Since Joe decided not to be captain, it’s up to Jarrett to pick a replacement, and the choice didn’t take him all that long. So here’s the new captain, The Phenomenal AJ Styles. Jarrett says he was proud to pick AJ, and that AJ should pick two new members over the next couple of weeks. AJ says he’s honored, but he has to decline. Whoa—I did not foresee that. He says that he’s not qualified to be captain. What has he done? If anything, he’s let Jeff down. Seven years ago Jarrett started a company and invested in a bunch of new guys no one believed in—the crowd pops like mad when AJ mentions Christopher Daniels—and AJ thinks that someone who’s spent seven years building this company should lead them to victory. !@#$!@$!# IO$U!!! That’s it, I’m grabbing a drink on the commercial break. Jarrett happily accepts with a handshake, when Scott Steiner’s music hits. He’s looking really good for someone killed a couple of weeks ago. Steiner says that Jeff should listen to AJ, cause he’s telling him the truth. When Jarrett started TNA the roster was filled with nobodies and wannabes, and, save the MEM, it still is. Scott says that he’s not here as Scott Steiner, but as Jeff’s friend of 20 years. Scott reminds them of their shared history, and says that Jeff is the same as the MEM. He knows Jarrett must be confused since Mick went crazy last week, but he has to realize that he can’t trust the company to nobodies like AJ Styles. Scott says that in addition to Jeff, all those years ago he met Jill. ~!@#!@#E–make that two drinks. The last thing Jill said to him was to help Jeff, and Jeff should trust that that’s what he’s doing here. Jeff should also think, when he has an emergency, who does he go to to watch his three girls. Jeff needs to trust him and come back to where he belongs. AJ thinks that there’s a whole roster of wrestlers in the back who Jeff should trust in before the MEM. He should trust in his vision from seven years ago. AJ says that if Steiner wants to talk about what’s right, here’s an example—AJ and Steiner have the first match towards the determining the Lockdown numbers advantage right here, tonight.
JB is in the MEM locker room, and he wants to know what Kurt thinks of Steiner’s offering Jeff a spot in the MEM. Kurt says that everything is falling into place. Jeff and Mick thought that if they could win Sting over at Destination X, they’d have an unstoppable triumvirate. Jeff was really close, but then Mick went into business for himself. Now Sting’s back with the Mafia, Mick’s trapped in his own head, and Jarrett’s left to find a new place. That place should be with the MEM. JB asks if Sting’s really back with the Mafia, and Kurt informs him that he never really left. It was all Kurt’s fault for being paranoid, but Sting showed his true colors two weeks ago when he kept Jarrett from hitting him with a guitar. So tonight, Kurt will be going to the ring to issue Sting a public apology. Kurt will bring Sting, and Steiner will take care of Jarrett, so they just need Nash to keep “that bimbo” Jenna Morasca from using her millions to throw off the balance of power. Kurt instructs Nash to “charm the pants off her”.
[Commercial Break]
Sheik Abdul Bashir has asked for some time, so Lauren tells him that he has 15 seconds. He says that TNA’s problems have gotten bigger than just the Middle Eastern Nightmare. Kiyoshi & No Limit walk into view. Bashir promises that the uprising will begin tonight.
(1) LETHAL CONSEQUENCES & LAX vs. SHEIK ABDUL BASHIR, KIYOSHI & NO LIMIT
Bashir starts things off with surprising energy, pounding on Homicide in the corner. Homicide comes back with a Release Overhead Belly-to-Belly Suplex. He tags in Hernandez, who hits a big shoulder block for two. Hernandez hoists Bashir over his head and tags in Lethal, who comes in with a Double Axe Handle off the top rope for two more. Bashir creates some distance and tags in one member of No Limit, who work over a quick double team on Lethal. Kiyoshi tags in with a Double Axe Handle off the top for two—I guess that’s the move of the match. Kiyoshi looks for a Back Drop, but Lethal slips out and tags in Creed. Creed hits some lightning offense, culminating in a Cross Body Block off the middle rope that Creed almost blew but somehow saved. Kiyoshi tosses him out to No Limit, so Lethal and Homicide go out after the heels with tandem Suicide Dives (Homicide throwing in a somersault just for kicks). Hernandez goes out after them to floor everyone, but Bashir apparently tagged in at some point and is able to nail his finisher on Creed for the win.
WINNER: BASHIR, KIYOSHI, & NO LIMIT in four minutes. This was pointless.
JB’s in Jarrett’s office. He wants to know if Jeff was shocked by Steiner’s offer. Mick spins around at Jeff’s deck, and says that there’s no room to be shocked in a crazy world. Jeff snaps a bit, asking what Mick has been up to lately and why he’s at his desk. He never thought he’d see the day, but he’s starting to regret inviting Mick to join the company. What happened? Mick explains that repressed memories happened—he had a chair in his hand, and suddenly he decided to use it. Besides, do people really want to tune in to watch big guys getting along? TNA needs the MEM for conflict. Jeff says that maybe Mick just wasn’t cut out to be a leader. Mick is amused that Jeff seems to have taken over Sting’s job of saying what Mick is or isn’t, as if they’re the co-deciders of Mick’s life. Well tonight Mick will be making his own decision, and it’ll be a big one. He walks out, leaving Jeff and JB to wonder what Mick’s up to now.
[Commercial Break]
Team 3D are in Jim Cornette’s locker room, asking him to return the favor they did him two weeks ago. Apparently they were the ones who kept the rest of the MEM away from the ring during the big tag match between Sting & Angle and Jarrett & Foley. MEM security storm in, annoyed that Team 3D are getting involved in MEM business. So they want Team 3D in the ring tonight. Ray and Devon burst out laughing and accept the challenge. Cornette comments that more big loud Italians are just what TNA needs; Ray starts to agree, but then realizes the implications.
They run down the card for the night, adding Taylor Wilde vs. Madison Rayne. The Beautiful come out to the announce table and comment on the fans’ screams when they hear about the women wrestling. They’re picturing what they would do with The Beautiful People, but those marks are never going to get to. They should be grateful that they get to breathe the same air. So if Tenay wants to hype tonight’s show, he should stress Taylor Wilde’s forthcoming hair cut.
They hype Lockdown, tell us to cross the line, and preview the interview we’re about to see with Mick Foley.
[Commercial Break]
We go to a sit-down interview Tenay had with Foley earlier today. Tenay comments on the fact that after weeks of prying Sting away from the Mafia, Foley suddenly blasted him with a chair. Mick says that it had actually been building for weeks. Sting is arrogant, presumptuous, and a bit of a jerk. He takes it upon himself to be the conscious and decider of TNA. Tenay points out that it’s the same Sting Mick gave credit for his career just a few weeks ago. Mick said he might have overstated that match when he said he dropped the best elbow of his career that night on Sting, cause his career isn’t over yet and he plans to drop a perfect elbow from on high in Philadelphia. Tenay asks whether Mick had been planning to become TNA champion six months ago when he came to the company. Mick says that he wasn’t, cause he was a settler. He had settled into his position in life. But the ratings are on the rise, and the action in the Impact Zone is infectious. As to whether he can win the match, he’ll tell Tenay the same thing he told his son when he asked if there was a St. Patrick’s Day Leaprauchan—why the hell not?
Abyss is in the back with Dr. Stevie, who’s not happy that Abyss has used weapons. Abyss says that he’s agreed to a match with Matt Morgan at Lockdown where the only way to win is to make your opponent bleed before you pin him. Stevie closes the door and pounds on Abyss a bit for making such a stupid decision.
[Commercial Break]
On tonight’s Rough Cut, Team 3D talk about the meaning of “hardcore”. They say that it’s a mindset, a willingness to go out there and break your body. Devon suggests that people who believe that the props are fake should try getting in the ring with them. Ray adds that their favorite matches are the ones where they can use absolutely everything. I’m a little disappointed they didn’t work in a Tazz reference.
(2) MAIN EVEN MAFIA SECURITY (BIG ROCCO AND SALLY BOY) vs. TEAM 3D
Beer Money are on commentary. When Team 3D stop to jaw at them, Security attacks from behind. Storm and Roode assure everyone that they respect Team 3D, and are just here to observe. Rocco works over Ray in the ring with some kicks. He tags in Sal, who uses his fists instead. Ray starts firing back with quick punches, but Sal floors him with a head butt and makes the tag to Sal. Sal comes in and hits a Splash on Ray for two. He whips Ray into the corner, then kicks him in the head. Ray gets to his knees fighting, but Rocco bites him in the face and makes the tag. Sal goes for a clothesline, but Ray reverses into a Rock Bottom and makes a leaping tag to Devon. Devon hits a Spinning Reverse Elbow and a Neck Breaker for two. Rocco tries to break up the cover, but Devon dodges and Sal takes the hit. He goes to deal with Rocco, but turns back into a right hand from Sal. He comes back with a quick Flying Clothesline, but Rocco distracts him and Sal retakes control. Sal tries to finish things off from the top rope, but Devon catches him and signals for Ray to help him toss Sal across the ring. Rocco tags in, but Team 3D put him away with a Double Team Neck Breaker.
WINNER: Team 3D in four minutes—also pointless.
Roode and Storm give Team 3D a thumbs-up. Slightly distracted, Ray and Devon let Security attack from behind with steel chairs. Beer Money run down to the ring, talk Security into giving up their chairs, then immediately turn on them. The commentators, showing all the wrestling IQ of your average rutabaga, are shocked.
JB is in the back with Mick Foley, to whom he suggests making peace with Jeff Jarrett. Mick says that where he comes from there’s a word for people like Jeff Jarrett—party-pooper. JB says that’s two words. Mick says that he thinks it’s a compound hyphenate, but maybe JB’s written a couple of best-sellers Mick doesn’t know about. A knife comes out of the darkness. Samoa Joe says he wants every last member of the MEM, and Mick can make that happen. Mick agrees that maybe he can.
[Commercial Break]
Lauren is in the back with Beer Money Inc., and she wants to know why they just saved Team 3D. Roode explains that last week people saw a very different, serious side of Beer Money, and tonight they aimed to reassure all the skeptics. At Lockdown they want Team 3D at their very best, so there are no excuses. Until then, they have Team 3D’s back. Storm says that they have sacrificed everything to prove that they are the best team on the planet. So Team 3D can have their crazy fans—hell, they can jump into the cage if all they want. Beer Money just want to see the look on their faces when Beer Money are announced the new New Japan Tag Team Champions, and everyone has to acknowledge that they are the best tag team in the world today. Sorry about their damn luck.
The MEM come down to the ring, obviously without Sting. Angle humbly asks Sting to join them, and the champ is indeed here (in make-up—I’ve yet to figure out if there’s a pattern to when he puts it on). Angle says that it takes a big man to come out here and admit when he’s wrong. Angle reminds us of how he questioned Sting’s integrity, his loyalty, and his word. He even spat in Sting’s face. But if Sting had lived the life Kurt’s lived, he’d be paranoid too. That’s a conversation for another time. For now, all Kurt can say is that he was wrong about Sting, and he can only apologize. Kurt extends his hand. Sting thinks Kurt has to be kidding him. After everything Kurt’s done to him the past couple of months, he can’t honestly expect it to be over with a handshake. Kurt didn’t just question him as a wrestler, but insulted him as a person. When they formed the MEM it was supposed to be about respect, but that’s not Kurt’s thing. They sometimes talk about the spoiled brats in the locker room, but Kurt’s the most spoiled brat of all. Kurt agrees. He can’t change who he is, so all he can do is apologize. Sting starts to leave the ring, but Nash isn’t pleased. He doesn’t think it’s right to just walk away from a man apologizing in the ring. The crowd disagrees, starting a surprisingly well-organized “walk away” chant. Nash wants to know whatever happened to turning the other cheek. Sting’s one of the only people in this business Nash respects, and now he’s the only one who can make this right. He begs Sting to give Angle a chance. Sting seems to be considering it, but before he can respond Foley’s music hits. Mick, in the rafters, thinks this is a special moment—the band is back together. He wishes he could have joined them, but he’s been getting reacquainted with an old friend (he holds up a barbed-wire rapped 2×4). Now he wants to make sure Sting is ready for their match at Lockdown, and ready for him. So he’s booked Sting in a match-a-roo here tonight, against Samoa Joe. That seems like an abuse of authority.
[Commercial Break]
The artist formerly known as The Governor is on Dr. Stevie’s couch. Wait, that’s Daffney? I totally missed that for the last few months. She says that she was in an institution for years, but she got out and plied her trade acting. Her gig as Sarah Palin was supposed to just be a job, but then they cut her hair, and everything came back to her. Some things just always come back.
(3) MADISON RAYNE (w/THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE) vs. TAYLOR WILDE
Taylor takes quick control, drop kicking Rayne out of the ring. She stupidly follows her, where The Beautiful People take advantage. They roll her back into the ring, where Rayne gets two. Wilde gets up firing, nailing a Leg Lariat for two. She kicks Rayne in the side of the head, but Rayne comes back with a Neck Breaker for two. Taylor escapes some attempted slam and hits a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Rayne whips her into the corner, but she manages to come back with some sort of rolling pin cover for three.
WINNER: Taylor Wilde in 3 minutes. The reign of pointlessness continues.
After the match, The Beautiful People go on the attack. Love hands Rayne the clippers, but Taylor Wilde is able to make a break for it. The Beautiful People are not happy with Madison Rayne; they order her to chase after Taylor Wilde.
[Commercial Break]
We’re told to cross the line.
Taylor Wilde, in a bath robe in the shower, is pounding on Madison Rayne. The Beautiful People come down to help out their girl, and they’re able to cut a few locks off Wilde’s head before security breaks things up.
We run down the card for Lockdown.
[Commercial Break]
Lauren is in the back with Jenna Morasca. She wants to know if Jenna heard what Kurt had to say earlier, but Jenna was in the Impact Zone watching the show. Before Lauren can inform her, Nash comes down for their date. He clears up that Kurt called her the hottest thing in TNA.
(4) SCOTT STEINER vs. AJ STYLES
Tenay claims that the importance of these Lethal Lockdown Challenge matches cannot be overstated. “The Lethal Lockdown Challenge matches are the most important thing in the history of the universe.” That wasn’t so hard after all. AJ shoots Scott into the ropes to start, but Scott comes back with a shoulder block that floors AJ. He hits a big Knife-Edged Chop in the corner, but AJ comes back with a Reverse Atomic Drop and some mounted right hands. He punches Steiner down in the corner. Slick Johnson criticizes AJ’s use of the closed fist, which gives Steiner an opening to rake the eyes and floor AJ with a Body Slam. The crowd is behind AJ 90-10. Steiner lifts him up for a Back Drop; AJ slips out, but Steiner nails a low blow on AJ on his way down.
[Commercial Break]
You know what this world totally needed? Another Fast and the Furious movie. Anyway, Steiner is working over AJ in the corner with punches to the head. He whips AJ across the ring and tries to charge, but AJ gets a boot up. They get up trading punches, till AJ gets bored and nails a spinning jump-kick for two. AJ goes for the Styles Clash, but Steiner takes him over with a Back Body Drop. Steiner charges with a clothesline, which AJ reverses smoothly into a bridging Suplex for two. AJ goes for a Hurricanrana, but Steiner catches him with a Power Bomb for a long two count. Steiner tries to take AJ into the corner, but AJ fights him off and then floats over into a Back Breaker. AJ rolls out to the apron, but when he tries to come in with his patented Flying Forearm Steiner pulls the referee over to take the hit. Kurt Angle runs down and slides Steiner a chair. AJ ducks beneath it and nails a Pele. AJ goes to get the chair as Jarrett pulls away Kurt Angle, but Slick Johnson is back up. Jarrett sees that and pulls the chair away from AJ. Johnson goes to get Jarrett off the apron, which gives Steiner the distraction he needs to nail a Flat Liner on the chair for the 1-2-3.
WINNER: Scott Steiner in 10 minutes. *1/2 The trend of Steiner’s matches in TNA all being better than every match he ever had in WWE continues.
JB is in the back with Sting, and says that Sting will be facing Foley at Lockdown in possibly his biggest title defense to date. Poor Rhino. However, because Mick can, he’s booked Sting in a match against Joe. Sting says that he doesn’t have the time to worry about Mick, since he’s seen what Joe’s been doing lately. However, next week Mick will get what’s coming to him.
[Commercial Break]
I just realized that it’s 10:56. Did Spike TV give TNA an overrun when I wasn’t paying attention, or are we about to get royally screwed? Is anyone willing to place money on an overrun? Bueller?
(5) SAMOE JOE vs. STING
Joe hits the ring fighting, nailing quick kicks and jabs. Sting tries to fight back, but Joe kicks his left leg out from under him. Joe keeps kicking when Sting gets up, which lets the Stinger get him in a Scorpion Death Lock. Joe immediately kicks him off. Sting comes back at him, but Joe floors him with a Yurinagi. Joe sets Sting up on the corner turnbuckle and starts punching. The ref tries to get in the way, so Joe eats him. That earns the DQ. Joe then hits a Muscle Buster on Sting, then locks in the Kokido Clutch for good measure.
WINNER: Sting by DQ, in about as much time as it took you to read this sentence. Now that’s what I call a main event match—though that’s probably just the two drinks I had in the first segment talking.
After the match Booker T comes down to make the save. Booker goes for a high kick, but Joe ducks beneath it and hits a leaping kick of his own. He gets a steel chair, so Sharmell drapes herself over her husband to make the save. Joe doesn’t look all that impressed, but that could just be a comment on the fact that whoever did her makeup today clearly wasn’t paying attention. He eventually drops the chair and leaves the ring, but then pulls Sharmell out and carries her out of the Impact Zone. The crowd chant for TNA, which I have to assume is sarcastic.
