Source: James Caldwell of the Pro Wrestling Torch
The show started with an “In Memory of” for S.D. Jones.
After the ECW intro, there was Teddy Long staring into the camera as Ron Burgundy. WTF? Someone in creative read the Daily Word today. He was doing the “How now, brown cow” before introducing some news for today. Miz & Morrison have the Dirt Sheet on DX. Six-man tag with Henry & Chavo & Bam Neely vs. Finlay & Evan Bourne & Matt Hardy. He told us to kick back and enjoy the show. And stay classy, San Diego, I’m a moron. He asked some playas who put that in the teleprompter. Suddenly, Hornswoggle appeared on the scene as the perpetrator behind the teleprompter error.
In-ring: Evan Bourne came out first for the six-man tag to open the show. Bourne did his usual left-arm pose, but he held his ribs in pain from last night’s World’s Strongest Slam from Mark Henry. Matt Striker and Todd Grisham then narrated still-photos of the Bourne vs. Hardy match at Cyber Sunday. ECW champ Matt Hardy came out next and he shook hands with Bourne. Finlay and Hornswoggle then came out as they showed some kids dressed up as Hornswoggle in the crowd. Out first for the heels, Chavo Guerrero and Bam Neely dressed up as a wrestler for Halloween. They showed clips from Smackdown of Bam and Chavo having a rough time of it. Mark Henry, with Tony Atlas, then came out ready for a fight. I wonder how many copyright infringement lawsuits there could be over the “Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked” line in Henry’s theme music.
1 — EVAN BOURNE & ECW champion MATT HARDY & FINLAY (w/Hornswoggle) vs. MARK HENRY (w/Tony Atlas) & CHAVO GUERRERO & BAM NEELY
Match started with Bourne and Chavo exchanging moves. Bourne took out Chavo with a head scissors that popped the crowd, then he settled into an arm bar before tagging in Finlay. Grisham said he spoke with Rey Mysterio after the Bourne match and Rey told him Bourne is amazing and he took him to the limit. Nice follow-up on the Raw match so far. Bourne tagged back in and tossed Bam to the outside before landing a flip-dive on the floor. Bourne came up holding his right ankle, though. I slowed it down in slow-mo on the DVR and all of his weight came crashing down on his right ankle while Bam tried to break his fall. The babyfaces stood tall in the ring as they cut to break.
Back from break, the heels working on Bourne’s left leg. He actually potentially injured his right ankle on the pre-commercial break, but the heels are working the left. Bam, then Henry started working over Bourne’s lower body as Bourne screamed out in pain.
Chavo Guerrero flipped into the ring to show-off, then he went to work on Bourne in the corner. Bourne tried to fight back with his right foot, then he finally made a hot tag to Hardy, who cleaned house on Chavo. Hardy then went to the second rope and nailed an elbow smash. He wanted to end it, but Bam became involved. Hardy ducked a Chavo clothesline and nailed the side effect. Bam tried to break up the pin, but Hardy moved and Chavo ate the elbow smash. Henry then entered the scene and gave Hardy the World’s Strongest Slam. Hornswoggle became involved to run interference on Henry that popped the crowd, then Finlay smashed Henry with the shillelagh. Atlas then yanked Finlay out of the ring. Hardy was KO’ed, then Chavo took advantage with a top rope frog splash on Henry for the pin and the win. Whew. That was chaotic.
Afterward, Chavo pumped his face as the announcers speculated on whether Chavo is in line for an ECW Title match now. The heels then celebrated on the outside while Chavo pointed at Hardy, who was tended to by the babyfaces, including a grimacing Evan Bourne.
WINNERs: Team Chavo in 10:00. Very hectic, but exciting finish. Looks like we’re in line for some Hardy vs. Chavo action. Meanwhile, Evan Bourne could probably use a nice ice bag and a few days of rest after three grueling matches in three days and a potential ankle injury to boot. (**)
Video package: They re-aired the John Cena video package from Raw last night. … Announcers: Grisham said he cannot wait to see John Cena back in action. Striker said there are some other questions to be answered first. Namely, from Jack Swagger. Cue up the interview on ECW last week when Swagger blew off Grisham’s line of questioning about Tommy Dreamer.
Backstage: Dreamer shook his head, then Lena Yada asked him about the disrespect from Swagger. Dreamer said tonight is the 19-year anniversary of his first wrestling match and he’s suffered more injuries than he can count. He said his legacy has never been about wins or losses, but “the fight.” He said Jack should be able to beat him in five seconds, but what happens if he beats him. What happens, then, Jack?
In-ring: Tommy Dreamer came to the ring. Okay… Jack Swagger came out next doing his heelishly annoying chest-pounding strut to the ring. So, they’re having a match? No one really made that connection. Seemed like the announcers and Dreamer were setting up for a match next week.
2 — TOMMY DREAMER vs. JACK SWAGGER
Striker: “The heart of the WWE Universe is Tommy Dreamer.” Well, that’s good to know. Dreamer landed a hard clothesline near the ropes that sent Swagger to the floor, then he followed with a baseball dropkick into the announce table. Back in the ring, Swagger landed a high knee-lift as Dreamer tried to get back into the ring. Swagger sold pain in his chest muscles as they cut to break.
Back from break, Swagger was becoming frustrated with Dreamer’s resiliency. He grabbed him by the hair and screamed, “Why won’t you give up?!” Dreamer shot back, “Never!” Good moment to break up the monotony of heel mat work. Swagger slapped on a Dragon Sleeper, but Dreamer kicked out. Swagger then pounded on Dreamer with clubbing fists before missing with a springboard Vader’s Bomb. Dreamer came back with a swinging neckbreaker for a two count, then a running bulldog. He pumped up the crowd with his extended arms pose before hitting a clothesline from the second rope. Dreamer then wanted the Dreamer DDT, but Swagger countered with a Northern Lights suplex for a two count. Dreamer tried to come back with a bridge pin, but Swagger slipped out and countered into his gutwrench powerbomb finisher for the win.
WINNER: Swagger in 9:00. Fine match. They made us forget about Dreamer’s terrible win-loss record in ECW and overall lack of quality matches to make Swagger struggling with Dreamer for nine minutes at least acceptable. Swagger struggling a little bit was good for his development on TV. (*3/4)
Dirt Sheet: Two men have rising above in a world of winners and losers, said The Fink. In the ring on the red carpet were Miz and Morrison. Morr flashed his abs to the crowd, then he suggested the money value of the diamonds on his abs is enough to deport every illegal alien in this city. Miz talked his part, then he plugged their match against DX this Monday. 21st Century vs. 20th Century on Monday. Morrison said they will break from tradition tonight and take a fair and balanced look at DX tonight. 1997 – they were in high school. Miz said they’ve graduated since then. Created the number one talk show on the ‘Net and become the greatest tag team of all-time. Channeling their inner Team 3D there. Morrison said that between HBK and Hunter, they’ve won 16 titles, found the loves of their lives, and started families. But, they have to ask the question of how well they really know Michaels and Hunter. So, in the spirit of the political season, they ask us to watch this video.
Cue up old school clips of Michaels on the old Raw. Miz suggested there’s a problem with Michaels. Mullet? Maybe it’s the dance in his manly chaps? Morrison did a voice-over that they sent the shaman of sexy to do a man’s job. Meanwhile, Hunter likes to call himself the king of kings. Cue up old school Hunter Heart Helmsley clips. Is the sledgehammer really compensating for… deficiencies? If you know what I mean. Morrison and Miz approved this message.
Back in the arena, Miz and Morrison asked if they maybe crossed the line on that one. Morrison then welcomed in their special guests, D-Generation-X. Out came the fake Michaels and Hunter, with Michaels just running circles on stage in a classic Michaels parody. Hunter had the huge nose. Michaels bounced into the ring, then Hunter spewed water before coughing it out. Miz told Michaels those are some high pants. Mom jeans, if you will. He asked them if they have any wacky antics to get off their chest.
Fake Hunter started talking with deep breaths in between each word. Morrison interrupted said the Dirt Sheet isn’t about tired attempts of humor. He said they are the elite of the elite. Morrison said they do not appeal to the lowest common denominator like DX does. Miz said if the fans don’t get their brand of “entertainment,” then it’s their problems, not Miz & Morrison’s. Miz said they are better than DX ever was and they will prove it this Monday.
Michaels interrupted and said he has two words for him. Miz yanked the mic away and said he has five. He landed a closed fist blow to the face, then Morrison gave fake Hunter the Midnight Ride. Miz finished off fake Michaels with the Reality Check. Morrison capped it by saying in life, there are winners and there are losers. On Monday, they will have two words: Be Jealous. Miz and Morrison then posed in the ring as Striker said the real Hunter and Michaels will be informed of these developments on Raw if they aren’t watching right now. What else could they be doing on a Tuesday night? Grisham suggested the squeaky wheels will get greased on Monday. End show with Morrison’s abs glimmering.
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Source: James Caldwell of the Pro Wrestling Torch