Written by JERRY AND GRANDPA DUDLEY
Just when Grandpa Dudley and I thought it was safe to go into the water, or at least talk about
Women’s Extreme Wrestling (WEW). It looks like their TV show has gone to the big ring in the sky. I watched it early Sunday morning and attempted to record it on my DVR. For the time ever, I kept getting an Error Message I’ve never seen before, and it wouldn’t copy. Not to worry, I went to the early Thursday time slot figuring I could record it then. Great idea, however, like the Titanic and every idea Douchbag Doophus Page (DDP) ever had, it sank lower than whale poop on the ocean floor. It was not listed, and in it’s place was one of those early in the morning Paid Commercials, trying to sell you some crap you don’t need.
Because of the above, my report today is based on what we remember. Considering Grandpa’s advanced age (he’s been collecting Social Security checks since the Nixon Administration that I know of) and that I have trouble remember anything … period (that’s according to Sam). The show opened with the usual promos by two of the young females who would be wrestling on the show. I have never seen or heard of the first one, but I recall that her name was followed by ‘III’. Her opponent was Lollipop. I think it is safe to say that Lollipop is one of WEW’s ‘finest.’
After the usual seven minute video by yet another unknown (probably forever) band, the first match took place. It was ‘III’ vs. Lollipop. III’s entrance to the ring was greeted by virtual silence, interrupted by an occasional ‘You Suck’ (most likely wishful thinking) indicating they too had no clue who she was. Lollipop made her entrance sucking on what else,a lollipop. She was greeted as one would expect. After the whistles and marriage proposals quieted down, the match began. Lollipop had the better of it at the start, twice pinning III, only to be foiled by a slow count. We estimated the referee could have counted to 15 each time. When III attempted a pin, she got a three count faster than The Road Runner ever ran, with or without Wile E. Coyote on his tail. The slow counts got Eric Gargulio (sic), who later had his name and face shown for the first time in memory promoting the second match, in his best imitation of Fat Tony, crying repeatedly about the referee being paid off. Note to Eric: This was WEW, not WCW.
After the usual Belly Dancer routine, followed by pitches for the WEW Web Site and PPV tapes, we had promos from the combatants in the second match. It was here that the bulb above me lit up, as this looked eerily familiar. The four were Jazz (who kept calling herself ‘The Bitch’) as well as the best wrestler in WEW. Next up was Angel Orsini, Leader of The FBI (Full Breasted Italians), followed by Mercedes Martinez, and lastly came the only female to have graduated from the Shawn Michaels Wresting Academy, and dipped if I can think of her name … so I’ll refer to her as Miss X . No problem … what is important is that Jazz and Mercedes Martinez were the faces in this Four Way Dance for the WEW Title. Huh? As of last week, Tai Killer Weed was WEW Heavyweight Champion (God only knows what the Lightweights weigh).
It was here that Eric Gargulio appeared on screen and said Francine, WEW General Manager, had ordered this match because Tai Killer Weed required surgery on her injured leg. This was confirmation that the show was a rerun. Tai Killer Weed had this injury over a year ago, which coincides with Francine running WEW. Tai came to the ring on crutches and surrendered the WEW Championship Belt. She was greeted warmly by the fans. She hugged and kissed a few (the same few as on most shows) as she circled the ring and left.
The match began with Jazz and Martinez joining forces, as get Angel and Miss X. Eric made several disparaging remarks about Francine and said Martinez was the one who deserved the Title, a sure Kiss of Death for her. As expected, as soon as they threw the Heels out of the ring, Jazz and Martinez got into it. Also as expected, we got the ‘To Be Continued Next Week’ message. The show ended on time at 3:28 PM, and once again, the shortest half hour show on record.
Based on our judgement, there will be no next week. The world will be the worst for it. Grandpa may go to bed and Grandma may actually get some sleep. I’m not sure if Lollipop was enough for the old guy to overcome the probable demise of WEW’s TV show. It is always possible it will be on, or maybe move to another Network, ala SmackDown. One, or two, can only hope. If not, it was short but sweet.
Signing off from Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville.