Source: PWTorch.com
WWE Raw Alternative Report
January 1 in Miami, Florida
We open 2007 with John Cena. Pretty strong reaction with the music playing. The boos weren’t there when his music stopped. Lillian Garcia announced Kevin Federline as a “celebrated recording artist and all-around entertainment mogul.” Federline walked out in a boxing ring jacket and danced on the entrance stage. He said there’s been a change to a No DQ match tonight. Federline then introduced his personal trainer, Johnny Nitro.
1 — CENA vs. FEDERLINE (w/Nitro). Federline took his time getting warmed up as the fans chanted for Britney Spears. Suddenly, Nitro brought out boxing gloves for the bout. It’s the boxing vs. wrestler fight we’ve waited thirty years for. Federline wasn’t done and he brought out the headgear. We have a free headlock to start things off, and Federline decided to drop the gloves after Cena shoved him off. After the Masterlock Challenge didn’t work, Federline went for a test of strength. He applied a cross arm breaker out of the hold, before Nitro distracted Cena and Federline landed a kick to the groin. It didn’t matter, as Cena went for the FU, but Umaga hit the ring and laid out Cena with the title belt. This gave Federline the elbow-on-the-chest pin for the win as Cena was laid out spread eagle in the ring. WINNER: FEDERLINE IN 5:00. Good drama leading to the match with classic heel stalling, but a predictable WWE finish to build up the Cena-Umaga money match.
[Q2]
[Commercial Break]
Federline was partying with Nitro and ladies backstage when Maria tried to get an interview with Federline, but Melina cut off Maria from a post-match interview and slapped her in the face.
DX mimed a promo backstage near some furniture as Ross and Lawler talked about Team RKO’s beat down on DX two weeks ago.
The Coach joined Federline’s celebration. He stacked the deck against Cena by booking a four-on-one handicap match with Coach, Armando, Umaga, and Nitro vs. Cena in the main event. If anything, they’re making a star out of Nitro with this Federline program.
[Commercial Break]
This is what you call a segue. They showed Miami Heat players with their kids ringside, then cut to Cryme Tyme’s ring entrance. JTG shook hands with Shaq and brought him out of his seat to steal his wallet. Shaq played it off well.
[Q3]
2 — CRYME TYME & HIGHLANDERS vs. CADE & MURDOCH & SHELTON & HAAS. The heels isolated JTG until Cade predictably missed with a top rope elbow. Shad took a tag and scored a nearfall leading to eight-man action in the ring. Poor Murdoch took the fall when Shad pinned him after JTG snapped Murdoch’s back against the top rope. WINNERS: CRYME TYME & HIGHLANDERS IN 3:00. What you’d expect from four teams that are stuck in an irrelevant tag division. You’d think WWE could find something better for Haas & Shelton to do.
[Commercial Break]
The first of many upcoming references to Hogan-Andre at WrestleMania III aired in a WrestleMania Recall segment.
Jeff Hardy walked out and posed with the IC Title belt. Suddenly, Rob Conway came back from the dead and said he was going to be a winner in 2007. He said he would quit Raw if he doesn’t beat Jeff tonight. What he didn’t say is that he would quit and go to ECW. His too-lame-for-TV “Look At Me” music played on the way to the ring. He didn’t sing to it, though.
3 — JEFF HARDY vs. ROB CONWAY — non-title match. Hardy rolled up Conway with a sunset flip pin in the first 20 seconds. Conway couldn’t believe it. WINNER: HARDY IN 20 SECONDS.
Vince McMahon suddenly walked out dressed in his best South Florida beach wear from the George Castanza’s father’s cruise collection. Conway clapped it up as McMahon entered the ring. McMahon said 99.9 percent of people will break their New Year’s Resolution by the end of the year. He said it took Conway only a minute. McMahon said he would stop being so damn nice. Is that a resolution? He said he would stop letting Donald Trump take advantage of him, but he realizes that Donald his own problems with Yokozuna. They showed a picture of Rosie O’Donnell. Nice. McMahon made sure everyone knew he originated a certain phrase, not Donald on his show. McMahon warmed up the pipes and belted out a “You’re Fired!” at Conway.
[Q4]
[Commercial Break]
Todd Grisham interviewed Kenny “don’t call me Lenny” Dykstra backstage. Kenny reminded us that he beat Ric Flair two weeks ago. He said the story is about him and being the future of Raw. Kenny said death comes in four. 1. James Brown 2. President Ford. 3. Sadaam Hussein. 4. Ric Flair’s career. I believe this is promo number 1,473 promising the end of Ric Flair’s career.
They recapped the Team RKO vs. DX feud going back to when Edge and Orton bashed in Flair’s head with Conchairtos and ending with RKO’s blood bath on DX two weeks ago. After the video aired, they showed DX walking backstage in their old man jeans, presumably heading to the ring. Nice piece of video work re-establishing the feud after a week away from normal storylines.
[Commercial Break]
They promoted Lashley vs. RVD for the ECW Title on Sci Fi tomorrow night.
DX’s music hit two minutes before the top of the hour. Apparently, they handed out green glowsticks to the crowd before the show to make an X. Either that or there were plenty left over from partying on South Beach last night.
[Q5]
HBK handed off the mic to Hunter, who milked the crowd like Hogan at the Hall of Fame. HBK interrupted Hunter’s Michael Buffer intro and said he can’t just pretend like what Team RKO did to them two weeks ago never happened. HBK went into shoot promo mode and the crowd went silent. He said DX has stood the test of time in the WWE while the others have left or are jerking the curtain somewhere else. HBK said a couple of guys – Orton and Edge – finally came along who appear to have a set, but they did the unthinkable and drew blood from DX two weeks ago. HBK said there’s a big difference between having a set and knowing what to do with them. He said they’re kicking them down their throats at the PPV. Hunter said he was set up for disappointment because he thought they were having a fight tonight, but the two girls didn’t show up thanks to a double yeast infection. He said the last time someone challenged them, they shoved his head up Big Show’s ass. A veiled reference to Vince McMahon for fans whose short-term memory goes back more than four months. Hunter said DX is like a Frosted Shredded Wheat cereal. There’s the entertaining, sugary side that everyone loves, but Team RKO is getting the other side on Sunday. Hunter went right to the point and said they were going to beat ass, draw blood, and break bones. HBK lost the audience, but Hunter brought them back with an intense promo.
[Commercial Break]
[Q6]
4 — MELINA vs. MARIA. Before the match could get underway, Victoria walked out with her checklist and did commentary, hinting that Melina was next on her list. Maria jumped Melina leading to an impromptu catfight. Melina tied up Maria by the hair in the ropes before Maria fought back with kicks to the face. Melina avoided a dropkick, then needed two roll ups to pin Maria. WINNER: MELINA IN 3:00. Afterward, Victoria went into the ring to add another name to her checklist. Or not. Melina and Victoria slipped out of the ring after acknowledging each other and Victoria grabbed Lillian Garcia. She went for the Widow’s Peak, but Mickie James made the save to set up their Women’s Title match at the PPV. Nice swerve with the checklist and the post-match angle worked with the crowd hot for Mickie.
[Commercial Break]
They showed a video package on the Tribute to the Troops show last week.
[Q7]
5 — RIC FLAIR & CARLITO (w/Torrie) vs. CHRIS MASTERS & KENNY. Goodness, Kenny has horribly generic music. Ross and Lawler made a big deal out of Kenny being the only 20-year-old to beat Ric Flair in a match. Flair tagged in and worked on Masters to set up the figure-four. Kenny finally broke the hold leading to a commercial. After the break, Masters and Kenny isolated Carlito in their corner for several minutes. Basic power offense from Masters before going for the Masterlock. From out of nowhere, Flair went for the back of the leg and broke the Masterlock to set up a hot tag. He ripped off a round of chops before Masters broke up the figure-four. Carlito and Masters brawled up the ramp while Kenny went for the figure-four in the ring. Flair shoved him off, but Kenny rolled up Flair and used his feet on the ropes to score another win over Flair. WINNERS: KENNY & MASTERS IN 12:00. Competent match with a good, dramatic build-up to the finish.
Afterward, Flair took the mic and said he wanted to keep the fight going. Edge then popped on the apron and distracted Flair allowing Orton to hit Flair with the RKO from behind. The fans wanted DX as Edge and Orton retrieved chairs. Edge gave Flair the Conchairto, then looked to the entrance ramp, but there was no DX. Team RKO left through the crowd as Flair remained motionless in the ring. Medics checked on Flair as they cut to a break. Well-executed to get the attention on Edge & Orton as ruthless heels.
[Commercial Break]
[Q8]
After recapping the attack on Flair, Ross and Lawler said they found out DX left the building, thinking Team RKO wasn’t going to show up. Didn’t they learn their lesson the last time when they left with Arn and Dusty to plan Flair’s big party? Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Or something like that.
Ross and Lawler broke down the PPV card, then recapped Federline’s win over Cena. They showed Umaga leading his team to the ring backstage. Armando didn’t bring his wrestling gear to Miami.
[Commercial Break]
Kevin Federline walked out again. He said he shocked the world when he beat John Cena and now he’s going to watch Cena take another beating. Federline joined Ross and Lawler on commentary to discuss the Cena-overcomes-the-odds main event.
[Q9]
6 — CENA vs. UMAGA & ARMANDO & NITRO & COACH. Cena walked straight into the ring and jumped Umaga. He cleared the rest of the heels before Umaga cut off Cena. It really doesn’t matter whether it’s a broomstick or a wrestler on the other side of the ring from Cena, the fans are going to come alive. Cena blocked a corner rear splash with his knees, then went into knock down mode. He dropped Umaga with a drop toe hold and applied the STFU, but Armando broke it up. Cena grabbed the chair Armando tried to bring into the ring and smashed it over Umaga’s head twice, earning a DQ. WINNER: UMAGA & ARMANDO & NITRO & COACH VIA DQ IN 3:00.
Nitro took an FU, leaving Coach in the ring for an FU. He then went after Federline and threw him into the ring. The crowd went nuts as Cena gave Federline the FU. He grabbed his title belt and stared down Umaga, who was on the entrance ramp with Armando. Lawler said that if Federline could beat Cena, then Umaga could certainly beat Cena. Ross posed the question of whether Cena would be the first man to beat Umaga. Hindsight being 20/20, I question Umaga being vulnerable in the STFU and having to be saved by Armando. The crowd was hot for the finish, Federline got his in the end, and they presented the Cena-Umaga feud in a compelling way to close the show. They did enough good things on this show to encourage buys for a PPV without the luxury of the Elimination Chamber for the first time in three years.
