Can there be two words more frightening to an individual like myself?
So, Iâ€™d like this RAW Rage to be up to regular crappy standards â€“ but it will probably be shorter. Here was my day yesterday. I was called for jury duty. Now, in Texas â€“ you must show up for jury duty no matter if you have a job or not. They will find you and either fine you or put you in jail if you donâ€™t report. So, I have to go into downtown Dallas â€“ but I have to get there about an hour before Iâ€™m to report at 8:30 AM because there are a limited number of parking spaces in the garage. Now, you have to pay to park there â€“ but youâ€™ll get a reduced rate of $3.00 for the day. But if all the spaces are taken â€“ you have to find a space in one of the seedy, scary places around town where you will pay $15 and probably get your car broken into.
So, I get there early and go to the basement level where the jury room is. After about a thousand people show up â€“ they show us the slide show about being a juror at 8:30 â€“ and then tell us to take a 30 minute break. Seeing as how there is NOTHING to do while on break â€“ this is retarded. So, I wait. And wait. Then an hour later â€“ they finally come in and start calling up juror numbers. Now, my number is 1855 so when they started calling with #5 â€“ I knew I was in for a long day.
Finally, after many periods of doing nothing â€“ they finally call my number at ten minutes until noon. They tell those in my group to meet in the court at 1 PM because they are breaking for lunch. Mind you, they ainâ€™t buying your lunch â€“ so I gotta go and get some food from their cafeteria â€“ which is supremely overpriced. At 1 PM, they let us into the court room â€“ there are around 60 of us â€“ and they hand out a three-page questionnaire. Of course, this takes me 5 minutes to complete â€“ but as most of the general population is mildly retarded â€“ it takes the group 40 minutes to complete. After this, the bailiff tells us to meet back at 2 PM because the judge isnâ€™t ready. We come back â€“ wait another hour â€“ and then the bailiff comes back to tell us that the judge has some other things to do, so come back tomorrow at 2 PM.
So, I have to go back today. Iâ€™m thinking of blowing my own brains out before then.
Letâ€™s do some very brief RAW Rage.
Someoneâ€™s Trying to Get off Steroids
So Kurt Angle asked for his release from his contract with the â€œEâ€ and was granted it. He says itâ€™s due to his many injuries and need to rehab â€“ plus he figures he can do some soul searching with the family while heâ€™s out â€“ so if he feels like coming back â€“ heâ€™ll resign.
I used to think things like this were no big deal and after some time, the guy would be back and all would be well. But after Jericho decided to take his sabbatical and has pretty much figured out what most people would in his situation â€“ heâ€™s probably not coming back because he doesnâ€™t have to be in constant pain every single day of his life. Now, Jericho had made himself a mild enough celebrity to be able to make deals with VH1 and comment on â€œThe Eightiesâ€ for a paycheck â€“ but Iâ€™m not terribly sure that Angle has done that. Sure, heâ€™s an Olympic Gold Medalist â€“ but that means about jack poop in the real world.
But, maybe he will come back. It does make me sad as he is one of the main reasons why I continue to watch pro wrestling today. Iâ€™m left with less and less excuses to actually turn the shows on now. Hopefully he can get off the roids and be ready to go in a year or so. He definitely is the best wrestler going today (as proven by our list from December).
Five Things to Like About RAW
I told you we were going fast here.
Here are five things to like about RAW last night:
1) Cena may be leaving RAW. He probably wonâ€™t â€“ but you have to admit that his feud with Edge has been one of the better ones for WWE in a while. Unfortunately, itâ€™s been built as the secondary main event as opposed the top story going â€“ but take what you can get. As a bonus â€“ nice line from Cena â€“ â€œShe comes for mooooneeeey.â€
2) Although there were multiple Vince segments and clips â€“ not having him on the show and having Shane run things alone really made me look forward to the day that Vince finally gives things up. Shane is much more convincing to me as a person (not the cartoon character that Vince plays). I feel sorry for the guy though. I mean, you can just see it all over his face how much he really doesnâ€™t want to be a part of whatever his dad is doing because he can probably think of a thousand better storylines. Pray for Vinceâ€™s death people.
3) Jeff Hardy beating Orton was nice to see. I like that they are not giving Jeff the microphone. Because if they do, he just kills whatever heat he builds. Although one has to wonder what he thinks going from challenging for the TNA title to the IC title in WWE.
4) Shawnâ€™s plug of the McMahon DVD made me laugh (truth be told â€“ finding five good things about RAW last night is slim pickinâ€™s).
5) Hell in a Cell might actually sell a few more PPV buys. Although, not from me.
Five Things to Hate About RAW
And for the flip side of thingsâ€¦
1) Way to have Chris Masters show back up and get chumped out. Not that I missed Masters or anything â€“ but usually when a guy comes back after a while (COUGHgettingsteroidsoutofhissystemCOUGH) â€“ they try to make him look good. Sorry Chris â€“ youâ€™re still a loser.
2) Nobody believes Carlito could get Trish Stratus â€“ so quit trying to sell it. Sheâ€™s leaving anyway. Plus, the whole â€œkayfab/shootâ€ hybrid going on from WWE.com is really not working. Trish is leaving because sheâ€™s getting married to someone not named Carlito. If you want to break stories to beat the IWC to it â€“ then break stories. Donâ€™t go halfway and confuse all the marks. Itâ€™s dumb.
3) Thanks for wasting more TV time with the paddle on a pole match. Maybe if we keep saying it â€“ someone will actually listen. So, I say it again â€“ porn is readily available for those who want it and because of that â€“ scantily clad women we see every week doing â€œrisquÃ©â€ things is not risquÃ© at all. Its lame and a complete waste of time. Nobody wants to see this. Please stop.
4) If Nitro and Melina didnâ€™t prove they CANNOT pull off a promo last night â€“ I donâ€™t know what could. Iâ€™m actually keeping that â€œpress conferenceâ€ taped because if I am ever diagnosed with some disease and only have 24 hours to live â€“ I can watch that promo again because it felt like a FREAKING ETERNITY.
5) Iâ€™m sorry â€“ Finlay, Regal, and Kennedy donâ€™t exactly elicit excitement on SmackDown â€“ so why would I think they could ever beat DX on RAW? And if you had Big Show backstage â€“ why not put him in the match from the beginning? MAKE ME THINK DX MIGHT ACTUALLY LOSE! FOR ONCE!!!!!!!
RAW sucked. I hate myself for wasting my time with it last night.
Anyway â€“ thatâ€™s it for this week. I hope that things will get back to normal next week and that I will A) Actually write RAW Rage; B) It will be its normal length; and C) I do not get picked to serve on this jury.
P.S. â€“ Itâ€™s good to be back on TBL and syndicated. Check out all the websites that RAW Rage is carried on: