Written By: Sam Jerry
VISIT MY WEB SITE: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
It’s that time again. It’s time that Grandpa Dudley and I took a look at what’s been going on in The Empire. We’re sitting here with a case of cool Steveweisers and have nothing better to do. We could go over to Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville and set some bags of doggie do afire on the doorsteps, but the residents there use there for weenie roasts. Guess you’ll just have to put up with our thoughts. Here’s what’s been happening as we see it:
1. Princess Stephanie Gives Birth: The Princess gave birth to Aurora Rose. The big question seems to be “Who’s The Daddy?” HHH was at the hospital to try to pin the man down, but he never saw the proud papa. If I were a betting man, I’d say he was the culprit. For those of you who have spent the past two years living on another planet and are completely clueless, HHH is married to Princess Stephanie, and I don’t mean the time he kidnapped her in Las Vegas and got married at a drive thru chapel. They tied the knot in a mega bucks wedding in Upper Blue Nose, Connecticut. The question now is, “Is Aurora Rose a demon seed?” Only time will tell.
2. The Chumpster To Face Cowboy Bob III At SummerSlam: Cowboy Bob III has been putting the moves on Brooke Hogan, and daddy isn’t too thrilled about it. Despite his obvious disrespect towards daddy, Brooke’s face lights up every time she sees him. It’s the old “But I love him daddy” story playing out. The Chumpster is back mainly to help advance Brooke’s singing career. This could end up killing it. Oh well, she can always try out for 2006 Diva Search. The Chumpster can return to Shady Acres Rest Home For Very Old Wrestlers, and Cowboy Bob III can return to harassing the WWE Divas.
3. The Big Slowass Is Still ECW Champion: I never thought I’d ever say it, but it looks like Slowass is finally doing something right. He has faced most of the big men in The WWE and is still Champion. Granted he has used a few underhanded tricks, but who hasn’t. Time was the thought of him holding a Title gave me reason to barf, but he has become entertaining. However, knowing how wonderful WWE’s planning has been the last year or ten, I can see them having him drop the Title to The Brooklyn Brawler, or someone else of that caliber. Slowass has arrived, let’s hope it wasn’t via a swinging door that hits him in the ass on his way thru.
4. The 2006 Diva Search Is Down To Five: We only have to endure four more weeks of this crap before we find out who wins the $250,000 and short term contact with The WWE. It wouldn’t be half the annoyance it is if we didn’t have to put up with The Miz. Another thing I thought I’d never say, “Fat Tony isn’t the worst wrestling ‘mouth’ ever.” I’d replace The Miz with Fat Tony in a Dudleyville second. But I digress, why not just announce Erica as the winner and save the wasted time on RAW and SmackDown for wrestling.
5. Steroids In The WWE? Perish The Thought: Over the past couple of weeks, several wrestlers have been taken out of competition due to “elevated liver enzymes.” Steroids or other performance enhancing drugs could be the problem. With the drug testing that they say they do, it blows my mind how stupid some people are. Why risk your career, and health? You may get some short term benefit, but it’s a long term loser. Let’s hope this serves as a wake-up call for everyone else.
That’s about it for Grandpa and me. There is something else I’d like to cover. A month or so ago I received an invitation to apply for a writers spot for a Newsletter or Web Site, I don’t remember which. The owner had some not to nice comments:
“I didn’t feel there was much to this column except that you came up with nicknames and puns for every person in WWE almost. The spelling/grammar for only a three page column was pretty poor. The topic matter was just a random topic look at things which is cliché and doesn’t show off any writing ability whatsoever.”
I told him I try to elicit a smile or two from my readers, and it wasn’t my intent to write in the same hackneyed way many others do, giving their opinions. My experience has been that many of those Articles aren’t even read. I have no intention of changing my style and that most people who read my crap seem to like it. I am only telling you this because a person I considered a friend writes for the Newsletter/Site and he agreed with the owners comments. This person is someone who I helped get started writing and introduced to various Newsletters and Web Sites. It seems that the hand you extend to help may be to the same one that later sticks a knife in your back. Please don’t ask who he is. I haven’t told anyone about this before and I am not looking for sympathy. I couldn’t care less what the owner said, but having a person I considered a friend turn on me hurt. It’s been on my mind and I wanted to get it out. Who knows, maybe the guy is right. If enough of you who read my stuff think so, I’ll be only too happy to take my keyboard and play on-line poker.
Grandpa is a little peeved and wants to go shoot some rats over in Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville. I’ll have to steer him away from Rancho Dirtbag Doophus Page and Kingie Booger’s Castle. Last time he went hunting, he almost bagged Queen Sharmutt (no, he wouldn’t shoot her, he just wanted to put a paper bag over her head). I gotta go and catch up with him; I hear his surplus Sherman Tank starting up.