Full Credit: PWInsider.com
A Recap of Last Monday’s events opens the show. Triple H as Vince McMahon states that he loves great pioneers, all of whom happen to be named ‘Dick.’ Then, Shawn Michaels as Shane McMahon wants another chance to beat HBK by dancing. Finally, the duo get down to footage of Vince McMahon dancing and singing “Stand Back” at the 1987 Slammy Awards. When the real McMahons and the Spirit Squad come out to stop them, they get sprayed with waste.
As we go live, Triple H and Shawn Michaels are backstage in the parking lot heading towards the arena and are confronted by Executive Assistant Jonathan Coachman and a slew of security. Apparently they haven’t read WWE.com lately since it was announced that DX was banned. Triple H says he doesn’t even know how to turn on a computer. Coach explains they are banned from RAW tonight and HBK stutters in surprise. They don’t know what else to do with their time and Coach tells them to leave now. Hunter says no problem and the two head back the way they came, leading into the RAW theme.
Tonight we are live from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Jerry Lawler announces the IC Title match and the Triple Threat Tag Team main event. Jim Ross jumps in after his mic kicked out.
Edge and Lita make their way to the ring wearing Edge’s new ‘Sex & Violence’ t-shirt as Ross speculates that Lita will not be Edge’s partner in the ring tonight. Edge tells the people to mark it down, as the Rated R Superstar will own this summer. Tomorrow night he goes into the hardcore surroundings of ECW to defeat RVD for his second WWE Championship. Then, it’s on to Saturday Night’s Main Event to defend his title against two guys he loves putting the beat down on, RVD and John Cena. He says RVD is like the Phillies: bland, overrated, and has no heart whatsoever. Cena is like the Eagles: he’s good, just not good enough to be champion. Edge is like Terrell Owens, he just wants to get the hell out of this town. Tonight Lita is going to show Torrie Wilson what a real cover girl should look like. He moves on to the main event and is about to reveal his tag partner and is then interrupted by John Cena. Edge yells how impolite it is and Cena storms the ring and hits Edge with a barrage of punches to knock him out of the ring. RVD’s music hits and Van Dam walks to the stage with a mic. RVD is met with boos and cheers and explains how he had this match with Cena last week and how he keeps hearing how close Cena came to making him tap out. They’ll never know what could have happened but he knows he’s a fighting champion. He tells Cena to forget all this triple threat tag team stuff and challenges Cena to another one on one match for the title tonight. Edge chimes in and says that his match tomorrow would be void if Cena won and he won’t be screwed again. RVD says he would just interfere anyway. He suggests they do SNME tonight with a triple threat for the title tonight. Edge agrees and tells the two that the new champ will be Rated R. RVD says the next champ will be rated RVD. This means the triple threat tag match is now replaced with the SNME main event. One has to wonder if RVD’s recent legal problem has anything to do with it.
A limo drives up to the arena and out walks Vince McMahon, who sneers at the driver. Coach greets him and Vince tells him he wants to know that DX is not there. Vince stops when Coach says they were here, but is assured that they ran with their tails between them. They walk away talking about the Holiday weekend, when suddenly a convertible with a bunch of screaming girls pulls up. The drivers can’t be seen.
On Unlimited, Edge and Lita are in the ring and he tells her that he has to get ready for his match. He tells the crowd that they can say what they want about him but they are dealing with a woman here and better treat her with the respect she deserves. Edge leaves to his theme and Lita gets on the mic as the crowd chants at her. She calls them all loud, cheesestake eating losers. She points to a guy and uses her psychic powers to predict he’s single. She says she’s not and will be going home with the new WWE Champion.
Promo for Batista’s return this Friday night airs.
Lita waits in the ring and Torrie’s music hits and she comes out with Chloe.
Match One: Torrie Wilson vs. Lita
Lita gives Torrie a free shot and Torrie misses Lita, who hits a suplex and gets a one count. Lita hits a side Russian leg sweep and gets another one count. J.R. says fans can hear from the Diva Search contestants on WWE.com on Wednesday. Lita chokes Torrie on the bottom rope and hits more shots to the face. Lita taunts her and Torrie springs up and slaps Lita. Torrie follows with a slam, two clotheslines, and a dropkick. Torrie whips her to the corner and hits another clothesline. Torrie pulls up her tights for the stinkface and Lita pulls down the referee, who gets the stinkface. Lita charges and hits a DDT followed by a pin and the win.
Lita leaves the ring after the match and Vince is shown backstage as Coach comes in. Vince, worried that DX isn’t really gone, wants to know why his private bathroom and catering isn’t working and why no one is in the hallway. Coach speculates that people took the day off since it is a holiday weekend. Vince tells him that he’s never had a day off in his life and instructs him to find out what the Hell is going on.
On Unlimited, a promo for the WWE Wreckless Intent album is aired.
Scenes of the Highlanders promos are aired and Jim Ross talks about their upcoming debut tonight, noting that they are cousins.
Lillian announces a ten-man tag team match. The Spirit Squad comes out to the ring with new pyro, similar to what they had at Vengeance. Their mixed opponents all come out at the same time. J.R. calls them a possible “Fab Five.”
Match Two: World Tag Team Champions The Spirit Squad vs. Viscera, Eugene, Snitsky, Val Venis, and “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan
Val and Nicky start out. Nicky beats Val and tags Mikey who hits a snapmare and a kick to the head. Val suplexes Mikey and tags Eugene who hits shots to the head and misses a clotheline. Two squad members chopblock and clothesline Eugene and Johnny blind tags and slams Eugene into the squad corner. Chants for Eugene as Kenny comes in and hits more shots. He hits a jumping elbow for two. Tag made to Mitch who gets another two count after a shot. Tag to Mikey as the two tackle and beat Eugene. Crossfaces to Eugene and another two count. Nicky chokes Eugene until he is headbutted and Kenny tags in to continue beating Eugene. He misses a splash as Eugene tags Snitsky who hits hard clotheslines. He hits a sidewalk slam leading to a double breakup by the squad. They clothesline Val Venis outside and give Viscera two dropkicks to knock him outside. Hacksaw comes in and starts beating on all three members until finally getting overwhelmed and dumped outside. Snitsky is now in with all five members and is hit by a double vertical suplex. Kenny hits a legdrop while Mikey hits a senton at the same time and Mikey gets the pin.
Winner: The Spirit Squad
Suddenly the tron shows us outside, where DX is manning a grill while people party and yell ‘chug, chug’ under a tarp. Triple H asks the Spirit Squad how they’re doing and says since Vince banned them from the arena, they are outside having a Fourth of July bash. He says they have McMahon sized hot dogs as he holds up an inch long dog, and DX sized dogs as he holds up a foot long. He asks who wants a dog and Terry the bus driver does. He talks to Terry as says that it must get lonely as a bus driver. He has a surprise for Terry and instructs two girls to flash him (first he tells HBK that Mr. Fuji is off screen and he leaves before they flash.) They do and the screen goes black for a second as they must have turned and shown a little more than USA wanted. HBK comes back and says the squad has two options: stay there and smell like the feces they got dumped with last week, or come out and get the feces beat out of them. Triple H asks who writes this stuff and then says they have two words for them: Suck It!
On Unlimited, the Spirit Squad leave to their music and Matt Striker comes out with Rob Conway. He says he’s going to put on a wrestling clinic with Conway. He says they are in Philly, the home of ECW. He asks if the people want to see tables, violence, and blood. The crowd cheers and Striker says that that’s tomorrow night. Tonight, you get a pure wrestling lesson from Rob Conway and Matt Striker, your teacher.
Jim Ross hypes the triple threat match for later tonight. Matt Striker and Rob Conway wait in the ring. Bagpipes fill the arena as the Highlanders make their way out to the ring. Lillian announces them as weighing in at 34 stone. J.R. explains Rory is the bald one and Robby is the other.
Match Three: The Highlanders vs. Rob Conway and Matt Striker
Rory catches Striker with a knee to the chin and hits the ten punches in the corner finished with a crotch shot. Tag to Robby who hits them both from the top. Rory complains and they regroup to give a double headbutt. Robby blind tags and headbutts through the kilt as Conway kneels under Rory. Robby works into an armbar and Conway counters with a slam. Conway wants the tag and Striker refuses, saying he is smart. Rory hits chops and a back body drop. Both Highlanders get in and they stand back to back while each holding an arm and leg of Conway’s. They drop him to the mat and J.R. says they call it the Scot Drop. They get the pin and win as Striker disappears.
Winner: The Highlanders
Outside Candice approaches Triple H and asks him how it’s going. She says she saw HBK go into a truck and asks what the truck is for. Hunter is about to explain when he starts talking oddly and groans and strains. He explains through the struggling that the truck is the production truck where all the video for the show goes through. He calls it the nerves of the show and suddenly Candice moans out in a similar fashion. They start repeating how the truck is the TV truck and how awesome it is. Triple H offers to show it to her as they hold on to the table and knock over beers. Hunter squeezes on a mustard bottle and shoots the contents up in the air. They calm down and a girl comes from under the table in front of Hunter and smiles. Another girl comes from under Candice and they both smile as Triple H says he may need a second.
The Unlimited player seemed to be malfunctioning and the video wouldn’t stop buffering, resulting in my missing the segment. I apologize.
HBK is in the production truck as he, Candice, and the other girls make their way up the steps and inside. Candice and Triple H look at the other girls rears as they go up the steps. In the truck, they point out all the screens and say that there must be a camera in every room of the arena. HBK goes to press a button and Dave, a production guy, stops him. Triple H offers his girls to Dave and he leaves, leaving HBK to take over his spot. He presses the button and the screen goes static for a second before cutting to the announce booth. King wonders if it’s a good or bad thing that DX is in the truck. He also mentions that he wants to go to the barbecue and J.R. asks if Uncle Jerry wants a hotdog.
Backstage Coach needs to talk to Vince and he blows him off as he now has to use the public bathroom. He tells Coach to stand guard as we see DX telling the crew to go to camera ten. We cut to the inside of the bathroom and we see Vince standing at the urinal and whistling. He looks down and mimics the announcer saying, “The Eighth wonder of the World, Andre the Giant!” Coach barges in and Vince turns, hitting Coach with his stream. Coach explains that DX is in the production truck and he is on worldwide TV right now. Vince storms out of the bathroom and J.R. comments that he didn’t wash his hands.
The Unlimited player is now working again, however there was no segment during this commercial break.
Back from break and Vince McMahon is now entering the ring with a microphone. He says last week was the most humiliating night of his life as I stood on the stage and was showered with excrement. As a result, he banned DX and didn’t even mind their little BBQ, however they have now stepped over the line. Therefore … suddenly his mic starts cutting in and out. Vince demands a mic that works and the PA system gives feedback whenever he tries to talk with the new mic. The crowd chants ‘A**hole’ and Vince vows he will never be embarrassed again. His voice suddenly gets very high pitched on the mic. He says, “Dammit, you people think this is funny,” and the crowd erupts with laughter. He says he’s not Alvin the Chipmunk and his voice is now very low on the mic. He says he’s not Barry White or Darth Vader and demands they normalize his mic. His voice is now normal and he says that he feels much better right about now. A large fart sound goes over the PA and Vince insists that it wasn’t him. He says DX has no respect for the people, himself, or the business. What DX really are, are children. A green marker starts writing on the screen, similar to that of a play-by-play of football. The marking draws a chicken and then a speech bubble which makes Vince look like he said “I Love C*ck.” The crowd chants the same thing and Triple H over the PA says that if he thought they couldn’t embarrass him anymore, then look at this. A DX music video is played with the DX graphic and music mashed together with scenes of Vince being pelted with excrement. Vince asks where Coach and security are and we see Coach telling guards to find the others while he gets DX out of the truck. Coach pounds on the truck door and is knocked off the stepway when Shawn Michaels opens it. HBK says “Hello? Hello?” and then closes the door. We see Coach hunched in pain on the ground below. Vince says they may think this is funny, but they won’t find it so funny when DX faces The Spirit Squad in an elimination match at Saturday Night’s Main Event July 15th from Dallas, Texas. The crowd boos for Dallas and Vince repeats it. He wants to know DX’s reaction to that and laughter comes over the PA. He says he’ll be the only one laughing after SNME and the sound of crickets comes over the PA. Finally, Vince asks for enough respect so that he may leave to his theme music. His music plays and he leaves the ring. He heads up the entryway until the footage of his “Stand Back” performance airs. Vince storms off through the curtain.
On Unlimited, Todd Grisham is looking for the sign of the night. The signs included: Thank You RAW, Vince McCrapped On, RAW is Lillian (Lillian comes over and hugs him,) Striker Flunked Me, Carlito I Swallow, Philly Welcomes Highlanders, Hey Vince Crap Happens, Chocolate Covered McMahon, Let Paul E run ECW, Once so true DX pooped on you, and a ton of more DX signs.
Back live on RAW, Johnny Nitro’s music hits and he and Melina make their way out to the ring via red carpet and paparazzi. J.R. wonders if Nitro’s coat is made of road kill and Melina does her splits. The video suddenly replays Melina’s coming into the ring several times (to show her cleavage.) King says he loves DX. As Nitro poses the video of Melina’s back split is shown and replayed without Nitro in the way, showing her underwear. Carlito comes out after the replays.
Match Four: Carlito vs. Johnny Nitro (w/ Melina) for the Intercontinental Championship
The two lock up and Nitro hits a thumb to the eye. Carlito whips and ducks and Nitro rolls on his back and hits a hurricanrana. Carlito goes for a slam and is reversed into a drop from Nitro. Nitro does a break dance move into a single leg legdrop. Nitro locks in a headlock. Carlito hits a kneelift and a clothesline, followed by a whip and a springboard elbow. Melina gets on the apron and Carlito grabs her. Nitro lunges forward and Carlito moves and hits the backcracker. He goes for the pin but Melina breaks it and disqualifies Nitro so that he retains the title.
Winner: Carlito by DQ
Trish runs down and pounces Melina. Melina fights back in the mount position as Trish gets back on the offensive. Melina tries to escape but Trish grabs her by the hair while she’s on the apron. Trish hits a chick kick to the back making Melina fall face first on the floor. DX replays Trish running, and bouncing, down to the ring and also replays Melina’s skirt going up while they fought. Carlito and Trish talk.
RVD is backstage with both belts as Paul Heyman comes in. He says he respects RVD as a double champion and says that it’s enough that it’s ‘their’ rules, ring, and referee. He says that this triple threat has the hell scared out of him. Rob says he understands but believes in himself and ECW. Heyman looks on as J.R. continues to hype the match.
As misfortune would have it, the Unlimited player has stopped working again. I apologize again.
A Diva Search promo airs on the eight finalists. Maryse has been speaking English for only 6 months. Amy was raised by three women would love to be here. Layla is from London and is now a Miami Heat dancer. Jennifer from Ohio is the most requested Playboy Playmate of all time. Milena is a tomboy who loves to fight. J.T. has a great body. Rebecca has a large family (the 7th child) and has real boobs. Jen was in the movie Dodgeball and has modeled for Guess. The finalists will be live on RAW next week.
Coach is holding an icepack on his head and back and Vince doesn’t give a damn. He tells Coach to get his limo ready because he’s leaving despite the championship match. He says Coach better be happy he even has a job.
Umaga, with a new tribal necktowel, comes out to face Scott Wright from Philly. Armando Alejandro Esssssssstrada gets on the mic and starts to do his name shtick until HBK interrupts with a graphic of the new DX t-shirt. HBK says he has interrupted your usual tired, repetitive speech to tell you that the new DX shirt is available at WWEShop.com. He also rolls all of his r’s making Estrada very upset.
Match Five: Umaga vs. Scott Wright
Umaga slams into Wright and power bombs him into the turnbuckle. He hits a jumping headbutt and runs into his head in the corner as he did to Ric Flair. He hits the Samoan Spike and gets the pin.
Estrada gets back on the mic and a burping sound fills the PA system. It happens every time that Estrada opens his mouth. Estrada tries to wait and then talks without interruption, however the camera cuts to Mr. McMahon heading for his limo. He gets in and tells the driver to take him home. The driver gets into the car and, suddenly, fireworks shoot from the moon roof of the limo. The driver scrambles out of the limo and runs to the side door as green smoke fills the lot. Vince is covered in a green substance and groans in pain as DX walks up to him holding sparklers and American flags. They say that next week maybe they’ll be let in and wish him a happy 4th of July.
On Unlimited, Charlie Haas comes out with a smirk on his face. He heads toward Lillian and takes the mic from her. He says she has way too much class to flash just anyone, but he has no problem doing this just for her. With that, he tucks the mic in his tights and takes his RAW shirt off in front of her. He grabs her and brings her to her feet, forcing her hands to rub his chest. He lets go and walks away, with Lillian disgusted.
WWE 24/7 Presents: This Week in Wrestling History. On July 7, 1996 at WCW Bash at the Beach, the recent invaders the Outsiders faced Sting, Lex Luger, and Randy Savage. The Outsiders promised a third tag partner but showed up without him. Luger was removed from the bout after a nasty bump and Hulk Hogan came out to help team WCW. To everyone’s shock, Hogan attacked Savage and joined Hall and Nash to form the infamous n.W.o.
Randy Orton’s music hits and he comes out in street clothes and poses as his pyro goes off. He remains at the stage and comments on the inspirational video package we just saw. It didn’t do as much for him as Brooke Hogan’s music video did last week. He notes that she’s 18 and that there’s no getting around how hot she is. It’s his understanding that on an upcoming episode of Hogan Knows Best, Hulk will choose a date for Brooke. If things work out his way, Brooke will get to see first hand why he’s a legend. If Hulk has a problem with that, then he’ll see first hand why Orton is a legend killer.
Edge is with Todd Grisham, who wants to know his final thoughts before the main event. Edge says despite being completely unprepared, he’s going to walk out being something Philly hasn’t been in 23 years: a champion. The triple threat is next.
On Unlimited, Todd walks out and has three signed Carlito shirts for whoever can answer trivia. Drew from Philly is asked what year his town hosted the King of the Ring: 1994, 1995, or 1996. He said ’95 and was right. Langston, wearing an n.W.o. shirt, is asked which star debuted against Jerry “The King” Lawler at In Your House: Mind Games: Goldust, Mark Henry, or Brian Pillman. He said Henry and was right. Amanda is asked which star beat Mr. Perfect at Summerslam 1990 for the IC Title: Bret Hart, Texas Tornado, or Brutus Beefcake. She said Hart and was wrong.
We are back live and Edge is making his way to the ring for the new main event for the WWE Championship. J.R. points out that Stone Cold started his 3rd WWE Title run at Wrestlemania XV in this very building. John Cena’s music hits and he comes out to a mostly silent reaction (although the crowd acoustics weren’t very good.) Edge still has a laceration above his eye from earlier. Rob Van Dam’s music hits and he has an ECW marquee. He rolls in the ring and salutes the crowd. Lillian waits for the music to stop and introduces all three combatants as well as the fact that the match is no DQ and no count-out. During the announcing RVD seems to get the biggest pop, albeit mixed.
Match Six: Edge vs. John Cena vs. WWE/ECW Champion Rob Van Dam for the WWE Title in a no DQ match
Cena goes after Edge in the corner and RVD joins him until Cena moves him aside and pounds Edge to the canvas. RVD moves in and kicks him until Cena pushes him aside. Cena whips Edge and RVD hits a running heel kick. RVD then whips Edge and Cena hits a modified fisherman suplex. Cena strikes Edge and the two work together to toss him outside the ring. Lita attends to Edge as the other two stare each other down.
On Unlimited, the crowd does the classic ECW boo for Cena’s punches and cheer for RVD’s punches. Edge tries to get back in but is knocked down. RVD beats Cena in the corner and counters an Irish Whip with a flying kick for a two count. RVD gets him up and punches him into the ropes. He gets him up again and Cena fires back as Edge tries to get back up while the others pound each other. They notice Edge and both slam him back in. They take turns striking Edge and the crowd boos for Cena and cheers for RVD. Cena hits Edge on the turnbuckle and says ‘go ahead,’ as we go back live.
Back live, Edge is now outside as RVD gets Cena on the top turnbuckle. He goes for a superplex but Edge shoves Cena off and pins RVD with his feet on ropes. The ref sees the feet and stops at two. Van Dam gets a rollup for two and kicks Edge. He does the cartwheel moonsault for another two count. Edge is whipped to the opposite side and Cena grabs him from outside, pulling him down. He slams him into the steel steps and Van Dam does a crossbody into Cena over the ropes. RVD gets him back in the ring and gets a two count. Cena whips him and RVD jumps up to avoid the strike but Cena gets him into F-U position. RVD counters and Edge clotheslines him while Cena hits Edge. Cena holds up Edge for the vertical suplex and Van Dam gives him a crossbody from the top rope. The move is replayed and RVD rolls to lunge at Cena and Edge. They catch him and give him a double flapjack. Edge and Cena clothesline each other and all three men are down. Cena strikes the other two men and all three get up and take turns hitting each other. RVD finally kicks Edge and windmill kicks Cena. RVD is then dumped to the outside as Edge walks into a Cena clothesline. Cena hits shoulder blocks on Edge and a front slam. Cena does the “You Can’t See Me” and hits the Five Knuckle Shuffle. He signals for the F-U and gets Edge in position. Edge holds the top rope and Cena F-U’s him to the outside. Cena rushes Lita, who came in with a chair, and gives her an F-U. As Cena holds the chair, RVD dropkicks into a VanDominator as he smashes the chair in Cena’s face. He goes to the top rope for the Five Star Frog Splash, but Cena gets out of the way and RVD crashes and burns. The fans are standing as Cena finally gets up and hits the F-U on Van Dam. Edge runs in and slams Cena with the title belt and then pins RVD to get the three count and the win.
Winner and new WWE Champion: Edge
Edge celebrates in the ring and goes to pick up Lita. He then brushes her off and basks with the title held high. Replay of the finish and Edge then gets his hand raised. Van Dam is shown with a frustrated face and Edge kisses the still prone Lita. Edge and Lita backup toward the stage as Edge helps Lita and kisses her. They replay the finish and Edge poses while licking the title belt as if he was making out with it. Edge does the ‘You Can’t See Me’ hand motion as the show ends.