Full Credit: The LAW
Eric Bischoff says he has obtained “the greatest acquisition in ‘Raw’ history.” Jonathon Coachman warns him that Paul Heyman may show up tonight.
HIGHLIGHT REEL: WWE CHAMPION JOHN CENA COMES TO RAW.
Chris Jericho says that tonight is the night everyone has been talking about because Fozzy will be playing in the city tonight. He says the new superstar’s impact won’t be as great as Jericho’s when he came to “Raw” and insulted The Rock. The acquisition is WWE Champion John Cena. “The champ is her!” he says.
“The last time there were two champions on the same show, I beat them both and became the undisputed champion,” Jericho says. Y2J says his musical career is ahead of Cena’s. According to Jericho, if Cena wants to make it as a musician, he must alienate the wrestling fans.
“To all of Raw, you want some, come get some!” Cena says.
Christian and Tyson Tomko come to the ring. Christian says he will expose Cena as a fraud. “This is my show, poser,” says Christian.
Cena says Christian used to wear a “Seinfeld” pirate shirt when he was in The Brood. “Gangrel was suckin’ blood, but you was suckin’ somethin’ else,” Cena says. He calls Tomko Christian’s “life partner.” Cena and Christian brawl. The champion delivers an F-U to Tomko.
SHELTON BENJAMIN DEF. DAIVARI AND MUHAMMAD HASSAN IN A HANDICAP MATCH TO RETAIN THE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE.
Jim Ross says Hassan threatened to sue Bischoff, so Bischoff made this match as a compromise. Hassan hits the flatliner and gets the pin after only a few minutes. However, Referee Jack Doan notices that Benjamin’s foot was on the ropes, so he re-starts the match. Benjamin hits the T-bone suplex on Daivari to get the win.
Thirty-five minutes into the show, and only one brief mention of ECW?
William Regal finds Tajiri and forbids him to take part in One Night Stand, calling it “nostalgia garbage.”
Benoit walks in and says ECW was history. “The fact is, ECW gave me a chance, just like Tajiri.”
Regal says he will be part of the anti-ECW crusade.
Tajiri begins chanting, “ECW!” and the fans chime in.
Coachman says he heard Heyman isn’t coming alone. Hassan and Daivari enter, and Hassan demands the ruling be overturned and that Bischoff make Hassan the IC Title. Bischoff says the referee’s decision is final, but that a “one-man committee,” Steve Austin, will hear Hassan’s grievances next week.
CHRIS MASTERS DEF. VAL VENIS VIA KO.
Venis attacks Masters from behind before Masters gets to the ring. A Perfectplex by Venis only gets two. Masters applies the Masterlock, and Venis passes out.
Ric Flair warns HHH, “Don’t do anything but get him [World Hvt. Champion Batista] to sign it.
HELL-IN-THE-CELL CONTRACT SIGNING
In the ring with about 15 security guards, Bischoff dares Heyman to come tonight. The general manager says ECW failed because it didn’t have matches like hell in the cell or superstars like HHH. The Game comes to the ring. Jerry Lawler reminds us that HHH has never lost a hell in the cell. Bischoff says if HHH or Batista are drafted to Smackdown, hell in the cell will still happen.
“I don’t give a crap about this draft,” HHH says. “It doesn’t matter if it’s Smackdown. It doesn’t matter if it’s Raw. There’s not a man in this business who can do what I do the way I do it.” HHH shows a video of his history in the specialty match. “Lightning struck a second time, but it will not strike a third time.”
Batista comes to the ring. “I don’t know what it’s like being in a hell in a cell,” he says. “I know we’re both gonna go until we can’t go anymore. I’m ready to pay for my sins; how about you? Hunter, I don’t fear the cell, and I don’t fear you!”
HHH signs first, followed by Batista. “You just signed your own death warrant,” HHH says.
Batista answers, “Good, because you’re gonna have to kill me to get this.”
“Good, because you’re gonna have to kill me to stop me.” HHH says this match will end the Batista-HHH feud. They shake hands, and then go nose-to-nose.
VICTORIA AND THE HEARTTHROBS DEF. CHRISTY HEMME AND WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS THE HURRICANE AND ROSEY BY DQ WHEN HEMME FAILED TO BREAK A CHOKE.
Hemme chokes Victoria and is disqualified. The Hurricane and Rosey break up the catfight.
Bischoff says he will give Heyman “one hell of a fight.” Cena enters and says it’s great to be on “Raw.” Bischoff announces next week’s main event: Cena and Jericho vs. Christian and Tomko. Bischoff asks Cena to be a part of the anti-ECW coalition, but Cena refuses.
Cena says he doesn’t play politics. “Me and my boys used to watch ‘Nitro,’ but at nine we switched to ‘Raw,'” he says.
Lawler says he heard that Viscera and Lillian Garcia may have eloped and that they were seen on a nude beach in Florida.
KANE-EDGE-LITA INTERVIEW
Edge comes out and says he will face Kane at Vengeance. Edge calls Kane a shell of his former self. Lita comes out next, and Edge puts his arms around her. Lita says she and Edge will get married in Las Vegas after the match, and they make-out.
An ECW promo, featuring Sabu, airs.
CHRIS BENOIT DEF. GENE SNITSKY IN AN ECW-RULES MATCH.
Jonathon Coachman joins the broadcast booth. Benoit begins with true garbage wrestling, using a trashcan and lid. “Extreme Heat” is advertised for Sunday. Benoit gets a table from under the ring. The Crippler places Snitsky on the table and climbs to the top rope, but Snitsky knocks him off. The Dudley Boyz come to the ring and put Snitsky through a table with a 3-D. The crowd roars. The Dudleyz escape through the crowd.
During the commercial break, Benoit hits the flying headbutt on the prone Snitsky to get the pin. Coachman and police find the Dudleyz and Heyman, and police arrest them. Heyman says it’s just like Bischoff to challenge ECW and arrest them when they show up. Coach orders the police to release the Dudleyz and Heyman and challenges the ECW representatives to meet Bischoff’s army tonight.
Bischoff comes to the ring with Edge, Christian and Tomko after another commercial break. Only three guys? Not too scary. Bischoff says he will take-out Heyman and The Dudley Boyz tonight so he doesn’t even have to show up on Sunday. The general manager calls them out, and they walk in via the arena floor instead of the aisle.
“Eric, you keep making the same mistake,” Heyman says. You keep making this about me. It’s not about me; it’s about ECW. ECW had the guts, the soul, and the bond with the audience that you could never duplicate. ECW never backed down to anyone.”
The Dudleyz face-off with the wrestlers in the ring, and Bischoff calls more wrestlers to the ring. Tommy Dreamer, The Sandman, Rhino, Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten walk to the ring from the upper level. The crowd pops huge. Dreamer wears a smile so big that it must be genuine. A brawl erupts. Dreamer uses the cane, and Rhino delivers a gore. The other WWE wrestlers retreat and leave Maven in the ring alone. Rotten crushes Coach with a chair. Maven gets a Dudley Death Drop. “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” plays over the speaker. (Why not the ECW theme?) Still, a great moment for all ECW fans.
Grade: A. From a pure wrestling standpoint, this wasn’t a great show, but from a storyline standpoint, it was must-see TV. A major surprise in Cena, an intense lead-in to hell in the cell and an emotional ECW ending made this show seem like it was the Monday Night War again when every segment on “Raw” was important, exciting, and often surprising. I didn’t think WWE could pull off so much in one show; it seemed overloaded.
But the company proved me wrong, and put on one of the best episodes of “Raw” in some time. One or two really good wrestling matches would have created the perfect show. Maybe the fans who were watching tonight will tell their friends who have tuned out, “You can’t miss this pay-per-view Sunday, or ‘Raw’ next week.”