“The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.”
Dorothy Parker (1893 – 1967)
Yep. “Joe’s Thoughts”. Not quite modeled after Linda Robin, but in the same instance this column will simply be a review, a rant, whatever you want to call it. My thoughts on Wrestlemania and if it even made the grade, or if it was even worth the 50 dollars you might have paid for it…First let me do a quick run down of the matches…
Eddie vs. Rey Rey –
This match gets a disappointing TWO stars. Why only 2? Because it’s Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio and I expected a better workrate, I expected better chemistry, and overall I expected for them to “bring the house down”. The match moved pretty slow even for Guerrero and although this was a nice opener, it didn’t meet my expectations.
6 man ladder match –
Once again, disappointing! Not because of the match, the match was great, something you would usually see on TNA only better. So what was the problem with this match? EDGE. I think telling a story is important, and in that story should include a winner worthy of winning. Quite frankly, Edge did not contribute to this match at all. It’s as if Vince McMahon told the other 5 to “go ahead and out your bodies on the line because we need to keep Edge healthy for his title shot” In a match like that, the good story is to tell the one or ones taking the most beating, to overcome the odds and win. Benoit busted his ass, Jericho busted his ass, Benjamin had a nice high spot, Christian and even Kane…Edge? I rarely remember him in the match at all. He comes in at the end and wins it like that? Horrible. This also set forth something else horrible that night…Dave f***ing Batista. This match gets 2 stars.
Mohammad Hassan rules. I don’t care what anyone says, get him another 20 straight wins and have him powerbomb Stacy (even push the envelope and kidnap her) and he would be the biggest heel on RAW.
The Deadman vs. the born again legend killer – I expected more out of this match. The finish was GREAT, I loved the RKO countered from the chokeslam, but this match was really summed up by the last minute and the last minute was the only exciting part. The best part though was having the Undertaker go 13-0 and hopefully shut up all of the Randy Orton fans who demanded that Taker do the job because it would help Orton out more. Remember, it’s called dignity and respect, and Taker will go out on top. Orton on the other hand, he has at least another 15 years of wrestling left in him. I think he has a little time to grow. 2 stars.
Bitch vs. Slut –
Trish Stratus RULES. Simple as that, but even she could not save herself from a 1 star rating in this match. It’s obvious Christy was too green to even be thrown into a house show match, much less a Wrestlemania match. Her timing was off throughout the match, and it was obvious that Trish was having a hard time putting Christy over. No wrestler should have a hard time putting another over. I only hope that Lita stays injured, and maybe Victoria can make a comeback. Then again, it’s the womens division! WHO CARES!?!
Legend vs. Legend –
If there ever was the showstopper, the match that saved the show, the picture perfect match, it was HBK vs. Kurt Angle. This was the best match I have seen in YEARS. It had everything you could possibly ask for, ring psychology, great wrestling, great storytelling, high spots, and a beautiful finish. I can never say enough about this match, but I will say that as far as I’m thinking now, this is now the match of the year surpassing A.J. Styles and Christopher Daniels Ironman. This gets 5 stars without a doubt, even if Michaels had won, still 5 stars. I marked out for Angle, I have been for 5 years now, and this made me very, very happy.
Fatass vs. Fatso –
I had no expectations in this match, it was something to watch, no one will ever think about it again, nor will I ever talk about it again. 2 stars, average rating, lets move on.
Eminem vs. George Bush –
2 stars. This match should of gone longer, and although I knew Cena was going to win it, I think JBL should have gone down with a bigger fight seeing how long he kept that title. Decent finish, sub-par match, let’s see if John Cena can carry Smackdown. Not much to say about this match, I didn’t expect it to meet my expectations.
The inexperienced, untalented animal vs. The Nose –
Oh the complaints! First off…Congrats on Batistas win. He won’t last very long. I don’t have faith in him as a draw, or as a champion. Once he leaves Triple H, he will die. Backlash will have horrible buyrates because Batista will likely be facing Edge. If we have a rematch between HHH and Dave, then it will further conclude my point…Batista cannot survive without Trips! Furthermore this match SUCKED. This was a squash match compared to other Tripe H matches. I know they want to have Batista make an impact, but its ridiculous for Triple H to dominate Raw for so long, and get his bloody ass handed to him like he never had a chance in the world. Batista looked like he barely broke a sweat. If they want to build a monster, so be it, but when your best match of the night had the type of wrestling only guys like Angle, HBK, Christian, Y2J, Benoit and Benjamin can provide, Batista is going to wear out fast for the simple fact that he is not Goldberg. Monty Brown is a better sell for a monster champion, at least he has main event experience, at least he has seemingly earned his way there. It goes back to my point about Edge winning the ladder match, Batista won the rumble coming in the late 20’s. That’s crap. I want to see my champion actually WORK his way to the title, not get it handed to him because “LOOK! He’s a monster! He’s FUNNY too!” Crap!
Overall Wrestlemania 21 gets a C+. it will rank in the top 10 of Wrestlemanias, but likely around 9th or so. Angle/HBK saved the night from being a total disaster, and with Piper/Austin/Cool putting out an enjoyful segment and some satofying wins (not matches) like the Undertaker and Trish Stratus, it sqeaks out to a C+. Worth the money? Overall, NO. If you had fun though and watched it with your girlfriend or friends, I’m sure everyone had fun. By yourself? Eh. Overall, I will NOT be curious to see what happens on Raw tonight. Mania left me with no questions, only complaints, and it hasn’t really setup much of anything. The only curiosity is “what will the do next?”…Do I care? Only, slightly, barely…Bleh.
Plugs:
I forgot all the crap I was going to plug. Re-send any plugs you want me to plug (its free advertising!) and I promise I’ll actually do it this week…First though…
NEXT WEEK ON THE HIGH SPOT! – A look at how a wrestling show should be built. I’ll use an actual ladder and a graph to show you how this works, and if TNA and the WWE’s ladder can even stand up on its own.
NWS E-FED! – The official e-fed of the High Spot is coming. I need WRITERS! At least 4 writers will be hired for this spot so if you have experience and would like to join a 5-STAR fed, just e-mail me with a sample of your work, and you’ll likely be hired…e-wrestlers can apply too, but I want to get my staff FIRST.
Wrestlepolls! In the future I will start and heavily advertise a website strictly for creating many many wrestling polls and opinions. It will try to represent the internets and most fans point of view on what they think about the current state of wrestling. There will be multiple polls and lots of questions on every aspect of TNA and the WWE. If anyone is interested, let me know, it will motivate me to actually do it!
FIRE DUSTY RHODES! Click this link! Sign it! All the TNA fans should sign this to better the product! Leave your opinion! The only way to make change in ANYTHING is to speak out! You can do so here.
Bye.
-Joseph Bachman
