You know what time it is right? Yes indeedy do, its time for Branded! that ultra special SmackDown! and RAW month in review! I hope you all had a spooky October! Muhahaha!
Okay. That’s enough.
Here comes the “editorial” portion of this month’s column. You’re gonna love it!
Hope You Have Some Money Saved Up
Getting fired is humiliating enough, but it’s even worse when it’s done on the phone. While you’re at home. Injured. Not able to work for six months. Ouchie. That’s just what happened to Test. Johnny Ace called him to let him go and when Test asked what he was supposed to do now that he was injured and unable to work for six months, Ace told him “”well, I had hoped you had saved some money”.
Test was told that it was a “purely financial decision” made by McMahon and he was also told that for the amount of money the company was paying him, they could sign six more developmental talents. But Test wasn’t the only person burned by what could only be perceived as “purely financial decisions”. So far the WWE has cut AT LEAST ten superstars as of late:
Some of these people so did not deserve to be cut and then again, some of them probably won’t exactly be missed. I’ll tell you why.
Chuck Palumbo-Who? Oh yeah. That guy. Good riddance.
Nidia-From what I’ve seen, she’s been a regular on the RAW roster and she’s looked pretty damn good in the ring (and just in general) ever since her trade to RAW. I think with some more time she could’ve grown into something better.
Alternative Cut: That New Stupid Announcer Girl they just hired.
Gail Kim-(sigh) Besides being the focus of many a fan’s Asian fetish themed fantasies, Kim is a bore in the ring. She’s stiff, cold, uncharismatic and just wack. She’s got some cool surprises up her sleeves every now and then, and even though I feel that she could improve with time, this doesn’t seem like such a big loss. Good riddance.
Johnny “The Bull” Stamboli-Nooooo! How could they cut my Italian stallion! He was big, he was strong, he was cute, and he was a decent worker. I mean, I’ve seen worse, and he’s ALWAYS on Velocity! Without him what the hell is Velocity going to do? No, what the hell is Nunzio going to do? Wait. What the hell is Nunzio doing anyway?
Alternative Cut: Nunzio, because what the hell is he without The Bull?
Rodney Mack-Besides being Jazz’s man, he is a nobody. Though his song is still Teddy’s theme even though they don’t do stuff together anymore, his five minute “Whiteboy challenges” were just stupid and sleep inducing. Honey, I hope you know how to say “Paper or plastic” because you just got bagged. Good riddance.
Test-How on Earth could you cut Test? He’s not super duper over but he’s just as important/relevant to the show as Christian or Edge or shit, even Tyson Tomko. Sure he’s injured but give the guy a break. He could’ve came back healthy and over like rover but you f***ed up WWE, you gave up what could’ve been a good thing.
Alternative Cut: Tyson Tomko who’s useless.
A-Train-I haven’t seen ‘ole hairy back for months. The only reason I’d keep him around is because Jay loves him.
Alternative Cut: Fifi the dog.
Billy Gunn-Man, this guy was on the sauce/pipe for a long time anyway. They found him passed out backstage for chrissake! He’s a boring cheesy doody head and I’ve always thought it was a mistake for him to come back. Good riddance!
Jazz-Oh no not my homegirl! Jazz has held it down for the muscular “aesthetically impaired yet wrestling gifted” Diva for years. She’s got talent, she’s got that raspy ass voice, and that look that could kill and she’s got a husband who just lost his job too. Damn. That’s sad. A married couple, no money coming in. Wow. What a tragedy. It’s an episode of Good Times.
Alternative Cut: Gail Kim…oops! She’s already being cut.
Rico-Before Charlie Haas, Rico was Miss Jackie’s main man. I don’t know if any of you remember but on RAW he was constantly referred to as Miss Jackie’s “boyfriend” no matter how outrageously gayilicious he was. Then Haas comes to take away his hag. So we’ve got Rico, (a veteran compared to his other “anglemates” Miss Jackie and Haas) who’s a talented worker, and the only reason why anyone really paid attention to Haas and Jackie in the first place. I’m going to miss his tender kisses on his opponent’s cheeks.
Alternative Cut: Funaki. I like you Funaki but…where have you been?
All I can say to these folks is that I know how it is to be out of a job. But standing on the corner offering “Cleveland Steamers” for monetary trade is not the answer. Guess who learned that the hard way? And now I can pass on the knowledge to you. Godspeed.
Raw: The Month In Review-October 2004
Week One, October 4th, 2004-Virgins Beware
After a mean chair shot to Orton last week, Ric Flair and HHH come out because it’s promo time. Orton says that he’s made many virgins scream, bleed and holler all night long. Flair and Orton will go head to head at Taboo Tuesday and the fans get to decide what kind of match they’ll have. Then HHH craps all over Taboo Tuesday, and for once in his life, he becomes one of us (IWC). But of course there’s opposition to his conversion. Chris Jericho comes out berating HHH for whining about stuff, and says that Taboo Tuesday was his idea that he pitched to McMahon. He gets into it with Evolution and Benoit and Edge make the save.
Shawn Michaels wins over Christian in a match that began over some stupid grudge Christian had with Michaels about him getting props for WM 10. He wants to know why people didn’t give him props for winning in WM XX. Well, we soon find out why when he brings Tomko in to interfere and STILL manages to lose to Sweet Chin Music.
“Snitsky is a dead man!” says Lita to Todd. He killed her baby! After she got into the ring to help him win over her own husband! The nerve of that guy! No freakin’ manners.
Bischoff’s got a deal with a female hand. The rest of the female we do not see. Man, full and complete hookers are expensive. Looks like Bischoff is cutting back. All you really need is a good hand anyway. After this he talks to Coach who doesn’t want to interview Snitsky because Kane is in the hizzouse and he doesn’t want to get in the middle of their dead baby trauma drama. Bischoff says JR will interview him.
Snitsky comes out for his interview with a pretty sweet ride. What an ass kicking baby carriage! JR tries to interview him but all the noobie knows how to say is “It’s not my fault!” Meanwhile Big Daddy Kane comes out but Snitsky manages to beat the hell out of him with a lead pipe that was hidden inside of the carriage. Kane’s all bloodied up.
Benoit and Batista‘s fight was interfered by Orton causing a No Contest. Bischoff has Orton escorted out of the building.
Bischoff talks about some Taboo Tuesday shit. Blah blah blah right? He calls out Eugene because he has a surprise for him-a secret admirer. Carmella comes out and pretends to hit on Eugene in order to convince him to shave his head bald since that’s the stipulation in his and Bischoff’s match. Bischoff says that since bald men turn Carmella on, Eugene should just throw the match in order to snuggle up with the former Playboy bunny. Eugene’s down. But first he wants a little Sweet Lip Music. Too bad, ’cause Carmella won’t kiss him and the truth is that she won’t even fake like she’s into it. Bischoff makes a match with her and Christy and the bouncy coked up big foreheaded red head comes out to kiss Eugene and live a life of “happily ever after”. But you know what? I’m against people having babies with retards. So Eugene, don’t get with Christy. Find someone normal. Someone like Bea Arthur. By the way, Christy reminds Roland of me.
La Resistance get a tag team win against Hurricane and Rosey. Rosey’s mask temporarily obscures his view and he scoops and side slams Hurricane by accident. Oops.
Edge’s argument for getting voted into Taboo Tuesday against HHH is that he’s never had the title shot before. Boo hoo.
Stacy over Molly even with an interference from Trish who was at the announce table.
Jericho loses in the lumberjack match against HHH after Rhyno gives him the Goar. Randy comes out and RKO’s everyone.
Week Two, October 11th, 2004-OK in the UK
Trish retains her Women’s Title against Stacy. So Stace, you got the shot. Wow. Don’t you just love when titles are treated like Cracker Jack prizes? Anyway the female face starts getting beat up by the female heel and her heel friends until the female face’s friends come out to clean house. Got it? (FILLER!)
Regal and Eugene get the pin over La Resistance when Regal uses brass knucks to pin and win. Because of this, the win was overturned and the match started over. The French fries win.
When La Resistance make their way backstage, Eric Bischoff tells them that he’s mad at them for not “softening up” Eugene so he makes them fight at Taboo Tuesday against the two competitors that don’t get to face Trips at Taboo Tuesday. Their jaws drop. Oh how amusing life is oui?
HHH complains to Evolution that his competitors will be coming at him “from all sides”. Batista assures him, that he has his side, his front, his back…everywhere. Okay. I know you’re not feeling the Gay Batista jokes but this is way too easy. Nah. Not gonna take the shot. I’m better than that.
Snitsky is interviewed by JR and says stuff that makes Kane really mad.
Hurricane & Rosey faced Val Venis and Steven Richards in a match that they did not get to fight because Kane came out and destroyed everyone with a steel chair out of anger against Snitsky. So much for that face turn.
Flair and Orton try to out-promo each other as they stare each other down.
Jericho and Rhyno start out in a match that turns into a No Contest when Coach comes out and says Bischoff wants it to be a tag team match. Christian and Tomko between Jericho and Rhyno. Jericho and Rhyno wind up winning.
Batista comes out to attack Jericho after he gets into with Christian and Tomko. Looks like Batista wants a shot at the IC title.
Benoit, Edge and Michaels win against Evolution after Edge tries to be a big shot and steal a tag in order to get all the attention with a pin. However, it was Michaels who made the save with his Sweet Chin Music. Edge grabs the cover greedily though. Pin and win.
Edge spears his own teammates because he’s an asshole. He really wants that shot for Taboo Tuesday. Bischoff hits the ramp and makes a triple threat between them for next week.
Week Three, October 18th, 2004-Christy & Lillian, Sittin’ In A Tree…
Snitsky over Eugene in a match Bischoff set up to show his nephew a lesson or two.
Is there no such thing as a civilized debate? Edge, HBK and Benoit all have podiums set up for them so they can debate about who should get the world title shot at Taboo Tuesday. Todd is running things smoothly, however the whole situation degenerates into nasty violence. Todd, who didn’t want to get involved with any type of “physical” stuff, gets kicked in the arm by HBK by mistake.
Victoria, Nidia and Stacy Kiebler win over Molly, Gail and Trish. So what?
Lita and Snitsky have an altercation backstage. After Lita slaps him and blames him for baby killing, Snitsky says…come on guess! That’s right! “IT’S NOT MY FAULT!” Whoo! Tell them what they win Ed!
Flair and Batista over Orton and Jericho.
Vinnie Mac comes out to promote Taboo Tuesday when Tajiri and Christian come out to argue about who loves Vinnie more. You see, they are asking for his “endorsements” for Taboo Tuesday voters. But some others come out for the same reason: Hurricane, Benjamin, Rhyno and…Coach? Well whatever. McMahon is pissed off by their stupid interruption and makes a six man elimination match. Benjamin wins at the end. Vince gives him his endorsement but Benjamin doesn’t want it. If he were listening when he came out he would’ve found out that all he cared about was the votes of all the fans. Awww.
Christy and Carmella are squabbling about what match they should do at Taboo Tuesday. Then, for some wacky reason Christy kisses Lillian Garcia on the lips.
Edge wins the triple threat match between him, HBK and Chris Benoit. Then Trips comes out to stare them all down since he’s going to be facing them tomorrow at Taboo Tuesday.
PPV-Taboo Tuesday-October 19th, 2004
+Shelton Benjamin over Chris Jericho for the Intercontinental Title
+Trish Stratus over Nidia, Gail Kim, Stacy Kiebler, Molly Holly, Jazz & Victoria retaining the Women’s Championship in a “Fulfill Your Fantasy” Battle Royale (School Girls)
+Gene Snitsky over Kane in “Choose Your Own Weapons” match
+Eugene over Eric Bischoff in a “Loser Gets Head Shaved” match
+Edge and Chris Benoit over La Resistance for World Tag Team Titles
+Christy Hemme over Carmella DeCesare in a Lingerie Pillow Fight
+HHH over Shawn Michaels, retaining World Heavyweight Title
+Randy Orton over Ric Flair
Week Four, October 25th, 2004-The Inmates Run The Asylum
Bischoff is pissed off about getting his head shaved. He walks out, giving the power of GM to the locker room tonight. HHH comes out and claims RAW for Evolution. He orders Randy and Flair to have a match. Orton comes out and says that just because they are Evolution, doesn’t mean that they run the freaking universe. Randy says he doesn’t have to listen to him. He doesn’t want Flair he wants a title shot. HHH says that if he beats Flair tonight then that is what he’ll get.
Shelton Benjamin retained his IC title against the rematch against Y2J.
Ouch. HHH calls Maven Tiger Woods after Evolution try to force Christy into going out with them to do nasty stuff all night long. This started after HHH went after Jericho. Rosey, Hurricane and Tajiri backed the faces up.
Edge talked to JR via satellite to whine about not getting the vote at Taboo Tuesday. Hey. If I wanted to waste my vote on a Tuesday I would’ve voted for Nader. Buh dump bump. HBK does come out though with crutches because of his knee surgery. The crowd kissed his ass, yadda yadda yadda. He gave a nice promo about why he risks his body all of the time, especially at Taboo Tuesday. It wasn’t to show off or because of a John Wayne complex. It was simply because the fans had voted for him. He’s injured now but he’ll be back.
Maven slapped Batista and ran when Batista interrupted his interview with Todd. Though Maven ran during his little girly slap, he didn’t run away from victory in the ring. He rolled Batista up for a pin in the match that followed.
Gene Snitsky basically f***ed up William Regal. Snitsky wins.
In Flair and Orton’s match, it seemed Orton would get the win with a crucial RKO. However Batista came out to interfere. But guess what? So did Jericho, Benoit and Maven. They beat Batista down. But out of the blue comes HHH with a killer chair shot to Randy while the ref was distracted. That’s all it took. Flair covered. Pinned. Won.
Trish Stratus-Women’s Champion
Shelton Benjamin-Intercontinental Champion
Chris Benoit & Edge-World Tag Team Champions
HHH-World Heavyweight Champion
The program hasn’t been compelling overall as last month, but there were still some decent matches. Props for giving Benji a title. He deserves it. Un-Props for boring me with a Benoit/Edge title reign, as well as an Edge whine fest. Simon Dean is going to make a big impact in November, that’s when I’ll talk about him…but so far…so good.
RAW: Behind The Scenes
The “Eye Scream” Man Says, “I Quit”?-There have been rumors floating around about Kane leaving the WWE and that the movie he’s filming is supposedly an excuse for him to ease his way out because of salary disputes. The Honky Tonk Man himself is calling the WWE “liars” because he thinks even the movie is a fraud used for a cover up. I mean, when you’ve got a movie called “Eye Scream Man” that’s just to kitschy to sound for real anyway. Though there may be truth to Kane having issues with management over salary negotiations, it remains to be seen whether he really will pack up his mask and go.
Making Virgins Bleed, Scream and Holler since 1904-Flair and McMahon traded words backstage after Flair’s controversial promo on Orton about making virgins “bleed, scream and holler all night long”. Many backstage say the altercation became damned near physical, as McMahon confronted Flair on his choice of language. Many wondered why McMahon got so upset when a number of things including whole angles were based on bad taste and bad language, but word is that some corporate sponsors were in the house and McMahon didn’t want to look bad. Many said McMahon was so angry they felt as if he were on the verge of firing Flair. Damn. It is to be noted that Gene Snitsky came out later that night with an empty baby carriage to mock the fact that Lita had miscarried her son.
Hey, on the classy scale, dead babies are way classier than bleeding virgins. It’s even mathematical! Let us demonstrate:
Dead Babies > Bleeding Virgins
Bleeding Virgins = HHH humping dead people.
Dead babies are Classier Than Bleeding Virgins, and Bleeding Virgins are Equal to or less classier than necrophilia. You just gotta know your math Flair.
Spike May Be Dropped-It’s being reported that the WWE is shopping for another cable network distributor for RAW. McMahon blames the low ratings on Spike TV’s “low-profile” status…not on the fact that the show just may suck…just a lil’ bit.
Angle on Raw?-Yet another rumor. Heyman wants Angle to go to RAW in order to break up the “political presence” backstage at SmackDown!. If he does go, he’ll probably be feuding with Michaels. The idea is on hold for now especially since Michaels will most likely be out with an injury.
Christy Gets Her Own PPV-The “Fanatic” series of PPV’s will focus on Christy and her winning of the Diva Search. There will also be a Diva Search DVD coming out in November. Now instead of complaining about how the Diva Search segments eat up RAW time, you can complain about it eating up your own personal time! If you’ve got masochistic buddies, stuff this in their Christmas stockings.
Here We Go Again Xenophobes-New stars are coming to the WWE in November. Arab American stars who whine about how tough life is for them since 9/11. Straight from www.parents.wwe.com:
“Muhammad Hassan and Khosrow Daivari are U.S. citizens who have grown up in America. They love their country. However, they now face a new and different kind of relationship with their fellow U.S. citizens as a result of being Arab-American in a United States still struggling with the tragic events of September 11, 2001. RAW will explore the challenges Hassan and Daivari face as Hassan tries to make his mark as a new WWE Superstar under the guidance of Daivari as his manager.”
Please. The WWE ain’t “exploring” shit. They are going to be “exploiting” this crap to get some heel action going, but that’s okay because teaching kids to hate is the new “in” thing, just like…I don’t know, what are the kids into nowadays…drugs? Hardcore porn? Those crazy kids.
Goodbye Pat-Pat Patterson has given his notice to the WWE after tension with management over HHH’s colossal and ever present push. Patterson complained that HHH’s push has prevented other wrestlers from getting any shine. He was so frustrated over this that he actually went to talk to McMahon about it, but the discussion they had didn’t seem to solve anything for Patterson. McMahon is rumored to love “Yes” men, but Patterson apparently wasn’t one of them. After forty-six years in the wrestling biz, Patterson is retiring. Good luck Pat.
SmackDown!: The Month In Review-October, 2004
Week One, October 7th, 2004-An Apple A Day, Keeps The Championship Away
Cena is greeted warmly in his hometown of Boston when new guy Carlito Caribbean Cool comes out to wreck his homecoming. The debuting superstar says that Cena isn’t “cool” and he winds up challenging him for his belt. Things go awry and Carlito winds up spitting apple bits in Cena’s face. That’s his trademark. Get used to seeing it. Yuck.
Mysterio & RVD over Floppy (aka Rene Dupree) and Suzy (aka Kenzo Suzuki)
Hardcore Holly over JBL via countout. For some reason JBL runs from the ring like a beeyotch during this match.
Heyman and Long have yet another long “concerned” conversation about Heidenrech. The guy’s nuts. At No Mercy he helped JBL put Taker away in the hearse for their “Last Ride Match”. Then the guy rams a truck into the hearse and smashes it. Tonight we find out that Paul’s all nervous and jittery because when firefighters opened up the smashed up hearse with the Jaws of Life, Taker’s body was nowhere to be found. That implies that he’s a) still alive and b) on a mission to whoop ass. So naturally, Paul’s petrified. Long lectures Paul about Heidenrech’s crazy behavior at No Mercy and on prior episodes of SmackDown! before that but all Paul is thinking about is how Heidi’s gonna read a poem later.
Jindrak and The Big Show have a match tonight. Being that Angle is too chickenshit with his so-called “bronchial infection” he sends Jindrak in to do his dirty work, but sits ringside to watch it. When it seems like the Big Show is going to win, Reigns comes out to help Jindrak. However, he didn’t count on Eddie Guerrero making the save for his new friend Big Show. Show winds up winning anyway.
Kidman BK Bombs Miss Jackie after she interferes in a match with him and her guy Charlie Haas. She tries to stop him from doing the Shooting Star Press because all of a sudden, that’s the deadliest move EVER! After he puts her out of commission Rico comes to chase him out of the ring as he does a smug little swagger up the ramp.
Orlando Jordan acts really patronizing towards Booker T by doing the “wassup brotha” thing and asking him to do say “sucka!” However, Booker T has too much dignity for this and shuts homeboy down.
Heidenrech and Heyman come out for the poetry reading. When people aren’t receptive enough for him he beats up a couple of them sitting in the audience. Oh yeah John that’s real mature.
Carlito becomes the champion and screws Cena in his own hometown. Now we got a new no-neck loser for a champ. How cool is that?
Week Two, October 14, 2004-The Champ Is…Not Here?
Teddy Long has gathered all of the stars together to let them know that Cena won’t be appearing on SD for a long time because he was injured in a night club altercation. Someone stabbed him in the kidney. This leaves the number one contender spot for the title up in the air. Though everyone’s sad Cena’s in the hospital, seems like everyone wants the shot. Teddy makes a Battle Royale for the number one contender tonight.
Suzuki sings James Brown’s “Living In America” just to show how proud he is of his new country. After that Dupree gets his whooped by Rob Van Dam.
Long says that his job is on the line because of Heidenrech’s crazy antics. He warns Heyman to keep his man calm.
Kidman does the Shooting Star on Haas to win. Haas was already limping when he came out. Now after the match and the SSP he’s selling till Kingdom Come. Dawn Marie is comforting and supporting Haas instead of Jackie since she’s hurt. I missed the angle when the two ladies were fighting over him.
This show is in the Manchester, UK tonight, and JBL says to Josh that if he were a proctologist, and if he needed to give the UK an enema then Manchester is where he would stick it. BURN!
Do you believe in miracles? (Or in the miracle of scripting?) Rey Mysterio wins the battle royale for the number one contender’s spot.
After Rey is interviewed by Josh, Carlito comes out to pop some junk and then winds up attacking and spitting apple on Rey. He doesn’t want to wait to have their title match, Carlito wants to do it tonight.
JBL over Hardcore Holly in a Hardcore match.
Heidenrech comes out to apologize for beating people up last week like Long wanted him to but he winds up having a nervous breakdown in the ring, punching himself in the head as Heyman kneels near him saying, “John, I care about you…”
WTF? You tell me what I just saw. Really. Tell me?
Carlito keeps his belt in a decent match against Rey.
Eddie wins in a match with Luther Reigns via DQ after SmackDown’s “Queer Eye” brigade of Angle, Jindrak and Reigns try to shave Eddie’s head in a manic makeover. Big Show makes the save for his little friend.
Week Three, October 21, 2004-The Tough Enough Special
Carlito, spits apple bits on Torrie after he’s realized that his pick up lines didn’t work. Rico comes out to avenge his hag and puts on a good match even though he loses to some weird neckbreaker.
Long books Booker T in a “Champion’s Showcase” match where he will be fighting alongside his enemies RVD and Rey Mysterio against JBL, Kenzo, and Dupree. Somehow he convinces Booker that this is a cool thing to do.
Chavo returns! Emotional, he addresses the audience and thanks them for their support while he was injured. Kidman came out and acted as if he were really concerned with Chavo. He claims that he was victimized in this situation also because the audience turned him into a maniac. Chavo doesn’t fall for the bullshit and he beats the crap out of Kidman.
Heidenrech has to enter and leave the ring in a strait jacket from now on, dictated by orders from Long. He manages to squash the hell out of Shannon Moore with one hand virtually tied behind his back.
Long confronts Carlito about Cena’s “incident”. Though Carlito maintains that he wasn’t even in the same club as Cena that night, Long says he’s heard differently from the authorities. Carlito walks away, saying he’s not answering any more questions from anyone about Cena without the presence of his lawyer.
JBL sends OJ to kiss up to Booker T before their match. OJ tells Booker that JBL wants to meet with him before the Champ’s Showcase. Booker just walks away from him agitated.
Jindrak steals a win over Eddie G.
Heyman says Heidenrech wants a “favor” of Long. He asks for a match against Taker at Survivor Series. Long says if he wants the match then Heyman will have to obtain Taker’s signature himself on the contract.
The Tough Enough Segment was hyped throughout the broadcast. When they finally showed it, I thought the wrong people had got cut and the wrong people stayed. But what does my opinion matter?
JBL finally gets his meeting with Booker. JBL and Booker laugh and “bond” about both being from Texas, but then Booker makes a joke about OJ being JBL’s houseboy. Ouch. Their match is up next.
We are made to believe that Booker T has turned on his teammates and has hatched some evil scheme with JBL to beat the crap out of them when Booker holds Rey against his will as if he’s going to let JBL take a shot at him. However, when JBL goes to hit Rey, Booker goes nuts on all of the heels and Booker and his team win.
Week Four, October 28, 2004-Big Show Crushes Amateurs
Big Show wouldn’t let the Tough Enough contestants come inside the locker room telling them to change in the Women’s locker rooms. Then he changed his mind saying the girls had actually paid more dues then they had. After one of the Tough Enough guys muttered something slick under his breath Show got all mad and ordered the guys out to the ring to be punished. They all tried to do promos once in the ring, but they all sucked. Big show chokeslammed each of them, and we were all reminded that there was no voting for eliminations to be done this week since one of the finalists quit, thereby eliminating himself.
Chavo Guerrero over Nunzio.
Booker argues with OJ and JBL about stuff. Long says that if Booker beats OJ tonight, he’ll get a title shot at survivor series.
Undertaker signs the contract against Heidenrech for Survivor Series.
Rey Mysterio over Kurt Angle.
Long orders Eddie and Angle to pick four man teams to fight at Survivor Series. Eddie has RVD and Rey and Angle has Jindrak and Reigns so all each captain has to do is fill one spot.
More apple spitting from Carlito, only this time he has a little help from his friends. Some dude named Jesus comes and yokes Josh up during an interview. He’s down with Carlito.
Dawn Marie and Torrie have a sexy costume contest”. Torrie’s a fairy or something and Dawn Marie’s a nurse. Dawn Marie gets on the mic, talking shit about how Haas is all into her when Jackie comes out to SPEAR that bitch and whoop her ass. Yes! Miss Jackie! That is how you do it.
Show was made Eddie’s fourth member for Survivor Series. Meanwhile Angle told the Dudleys w/The Boss, aka Spike, that if they could take care of Big Show then one of them could have a spot on the team.
Booker winds up whooping OJ’s ass. And that’s the story of how a much deserving wrestler, got a much deserving push.
Spike Dudley-Cruiserweight Champion
Rene Dupree & Kenzo Suzuki-WWE Tag Team Champions
Carlito Caribbean Cool-US Champion
John Bradshaw Layfield-WWE Champion
Doing just as average as RAW, but maybe a little less. C-.
SmackDown!: Behind The Scenes
It’s Not An Angle, He’s Really Like That- Kurt Angle’s character, the self-serving sycophant in storyline angles, is not such an exaggeration on his real life persona. Backstage at SmackDown! the guy’s known for playing politics and talking in management’s ear in order to put himself over and keep other guys down. Normally this wouldn’t even be that much surprising or even loathsome, but people are especially mad that he’s gunning for Eddie Guerrero. According to wrestleinc.com:
“A clear example of this is him convincing management to have the baby face Guerrero, who had just lost his program to JBL, to be cleanly beaten again, by Angle at SummerSlam. That caught the attention of a lot of guys backstage, as they know that WWE would have done things differently if Angle hadn’t gotten in their ears.”
People are sympathetic to Eddie because they know he’s going through a tough time right now with his issues of anxiety and depression. It’s not really clear whether Angle cares about this or not, or about the fact that Eddie is a hell of a worker and deserves to be more than just a tool to make him look good.
Why The Belt Is Gone-The strap was said to be taken off of Eddie because he couldn’t handle the stress and pressure of the championship. The WWE felt that the more he was in the spotlight, the more likely he was going to be stressed out, depressed and over sensitive. By using him at key times, they feel they’ll have a happier Eddie with a better workrate. They actually think he should take some time off due to his bumps and injuries.
You buy that?
Carlito Carried-The WWE expects Chavo Guerrero to “carry” Carlito in their upcoming program. They say that though Carlito is good on the mic he lacks charisma in the ring. They are hoping Chavo can make him look good.
Times Are Hard-Farooq is selling himself on eBay. Well…his conversation that is. He’s allegedly put a three-minute phone call from him up for auction starting the bid at fifty bucks. Supposedly, the auction didn’t even get one bid.
Thank God For Charisma-Ouch! People backstage at SmackDown! Think that John Cena’s work rate SUCKS! One worker said, “He should thank God every day for having charisma because he’d have nothing without it.”
You mean he’s not actually great in the ring What gave it away, that fantastic finisher the FU! I’m surprised because it ranks right up there with The People’s Elbow or me Blowing My Nose On A Sweat sock.
Someone’s Getting Faaaat!–Undertaker snapped the top rope during a match with Heidenrech at a house show on the European tour. He fell to the middle rope and worked through the spot. Maybe the rope was defective and he’s not a big fat fatty.
Ultimo Without The Mask-Ultimo Dragon will be coming back to SmackDown! Without the mask as some dude called Asai. It’s rumored that he’ll be in a faction with Suzuki. With Suzuki’s habit of breaking out into song, the two are said to be thinking about taking a cabaret act on the road.
Haas On The Shelf-Suffering from a major knee injury, Charlie Haas will spend one month out trying to recuperate.
John Cena Album Coming to A Suburban Music Outlet Near You!-Just when I thought the guy was half real about trying to be an authentic “rapper”, it’s announced that on his upcoming CD there’s nothing but WWE superstars doing cameos. This gives me the impression that the CD is a WWE production and that no matter what you do, no matter where you do it, whether inside or out of the ring that…
THE WWE OWNS YOUR ASS.
They’ve got to put their stank all over your artistry baby, whether you want to act, sing or rap, they are making sure you have their name carved into your ass. Such rapping heavyweights will appear on the CD like, JBL, Gail Kim and Eugene. Ahhh…its like The Fugees all over again. The album is supposed to hit the racks in January 2005.
Heel/Face Changes-Booker T is set to go face and team up with Eddie while William Regal is rumored to soon turn on Eugene for a full and complete heel turn. The world is topsy turvy ain’t it?
General Behind The Scenes News/Rumors
The Saga Continues-Austin’s stormy relationship with ex-girlfriend Tess Broussard is the stuff of tabloids. The National Enquirer in particular. The Enquirer claims that Austin has filed a $125 million dollar lawsuit against the woman. Among other charges Austin claims that the woman:
-Put a gun in his mouth when she was mad about him having some friends over the house.
-Vandalized his furniture and home by carving up the walls and furniture with a knife.
-Stole his eight championship belts.
Well, we all know Broussard is good with a knife. Not too long ago she stabbed Austin’s business manager. She’s also plead guilty to prostitution charges in 2003.
Boxing?-Shane McMahon told the Irish Independent newspaper that the WWE might branch off into boxing.
The Rock Back?-It’s been rumored that The Rock is interested in wrestling again though he doesn’t really have the time with all of his filming commitments.
And that’s been another edition of Branded. See you next month.