~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
Volume 3, Issue 23
Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
“Still an Internet Original!”
“It’s What You’ve Been Waiting For”
I’m Gonna Get Fired
Yeah, I’m late again. But, I really didn’t anticipate that I would have a busier weekend than I had last weekend. But I made a promise that you would get a Newsletter this week and you are. So, forgive me (and love me…long time) and I will love you forever. Anyway, here is all the news you can use!
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Brock Lesnar is being seen as someone with a big head (figuratively) backstage. However, some dismiss it due to him still being young and hasn’t figure out how to deal with his newfound fame yet.
Lesnar recently bought a $400,000 plane to help with his travel – the WWE is picking up his travel expenses and the salary for his pilot. It is said that the new plane will actually save WWE some $50,000 to $75,000 per year.
Lesnar was also a bit upset that he lost to Eddie Guerrero prior to Wrestlemania, because it would mean he lost money since he won’t be as high on the card. But he was happy with the way the match came off.
Source: PW Torch
Word around the campfire is that many wrestlers are getting sick of Bob Holly. They say that he’s always grumpy and bitter – and thinks he should get the huge pushes because he has been with the company for so long.
Source: PW Torch
WWE Magazines Giving Away Angles
Even though the WWE has a strict policy about not giving away future angles, the companies own magazines have done just that.
The current RAW magazine discusses the Rock And Sock Connection and mentions the reuniting of the team. That angle has not yet been on television.
The current SmackDown magazine also spoke of Angle’s heel turn before it happened.
Source: PW Torch
The Battle For Edge Continues
Both RAW and Smackdown continue to battle for the rights to Edge when he returns in a few weeks. Edge has already started training for his return at OVW.
The main question right now seems to be how WWE will balance the talent if they end up sending Edge to RAW. WWE has seemingly made RAW appear as the more important brand over the past few months by having Chris Benoit pursue the RAW World Title and by having Brock Lesnar go after a RAW wrestler in Goldberg. Not to mention the Kane/Undertaker feud.
The plan is to push Edge straight into a main event program with either Brock Lesnar or Triple H, depending on what brand he ends up with.
Source: PWInsider.com via 411mania.com
Lockwood’s Death Ruled a Suicide
The results of Mike Lockwood’s (Crash Holly) death has been ruled a suicide. The toxicology tests have determined he died from an overdose of painkillers. There is a possibility that a contributing cause was that his wife has served him divorce papers and friends say he was depressed all week because of it.
Source: PW Torch
Flair Injured – Could Be Forced to Retire
Ric Flair has been pulled from RAW brand houses due to a neck injury that could potentially force him to retire. Flair wasn’t expected to wrestle as much as he has when he originally signed with WWE a few years ago. He is currently working most house shows, TV events, and international tours. It is not known whether the neck injury was suffered in a specific match or is the result of a long career.
No Way Out Draws Low
The early numbers for No Way Out are coming in low. The PPV, headlined by Brock Lesnar vs. Eddie Guerrero, only drew 250,000 buys . Last year, the same event drew 450,000 buys and they year before, 550,000 buys.
WWE To Expand PPV Schedule
There is serious talk in the WWE about expanding the PPV structure from 12 a year to 14 a year. This would include running two PPV’s in June. The show would reportedly run two weeks apart. The WWE has already informed PPV companies to expect two in June, but that is still only a plan right now.
It seems the ultimate plan is for the WWE to run 20 PPV’s a year. While it would stand to reason that a shows buyrate would drop with so many PPV going for the year, management feels the overall profit would go up.
Source: Wrestling Observer Newsletter
Edge Injury, Return Pushed Back
Edge suffered an ankle injury while working down in OVW recently. The injury will likely delay his return by a month. Edge has been the subject of a war between RAW and Smackdown for his services. Triple H has been pushing for RAW to get him so that the two can have a program following WrestleMania XX. Many Smackdown wrestlers have grown frustrated about how so many young, talented wrestlers are getting moved to RAW and how WWE more or less treats RAW as their #1 show.
Source: PW Torch
Kendrick and Kanyon Likely to Go To TNA
Kanyon and Brian Kendrick will likely sign with NWA:TNA once their 90 day no compete clause with the WWE is up. The two were recently released by the WWE.
Source: PW Torch
Concern over Angle Lingers
There is still concern with WWE Managment over Kurt Angle’s neck. There is even some concern over whether they should continue to push him as a main event star. With the way that Kurt downplays the pain, many believe that asking him directly is not the way to go and that he could seriously injure himself at any time.
Source: PW Torch
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THE LOGICAL APPROACH
By Rick Elsey
Total Non-Stop Talent Today I would like to spend my time with you discussing NWA-TNA, the WWE’s closest competition. Jeff Jarrett’s organization is on the brink of getting TV and they really have a seriously large amount of untapped talent at their disposal. The only thing they are missing right now is that they don’t have a set roster. The following stars have appeared in one form or another consistently over the last few months:
-EL Leon (Gran Apollo)
-America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm)
-3Live Krew (Konnan, Ron Killings & BG James)
-Red Shirt Security (Kevin Northcutt & Joe Legend)
-Glen Gilberti & David Young
-The Gathering (CM Punk & Julio Dinero) w/ Minister Mitchell
-The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas)
-Shane Douglas w/ Tracy
-Slash & Sinn
-Danny Doring & Roadkill
Now I want to break this group down and give you my opinion on which talents are the biggest producers, who has the widest margin of potential and who may be in dire need of a make-over or program change.
The Big Producers:
Raven, AJ Styles, America’s Most Wanted (Chris Harris & James Storm), Jerry Lynn, Johnny Fairplay, Jeff Jarrett, Terry Funk, ICP & The Sandman.
-These guys are easily the most over with the fans in The Asylum. Whether they get their name chanted, or the crowd delivers a negative chant… these guys get the most reaction out of the crowd and that is the important thing.
Eric Watts, Simon Diamond & Johnny Swinger, Sonny Siaki, Chris Daniels, Shark Boy, Dustin Rhodes, Elix Skipper, Sonjay Dutt, Chris Sabin, Trinity, Red Shirt Security (Kevin Northcutt & Joe Legend), Abyss, Kid Kash, Glen Gilberti & David Young & The Gathering (CM Punk & Julio Dinero) w/ Minister Mitchell.
-This group is made up of the talents I believe show the most potential when it comes to future carriers of the promotion. All of these talents receive decent responses from the crowd in The Asylum and each of them have a defined character.
3Live Krew (Konnan, Ron Killings & BG James), D’Lo Brown, Shane Douglas w/ Tracy, Michael Shane, EL Leon (Gran Apollo) & Goldylocks.
-There has been serious focus on all of these stars for quite sometime. However, their pushes seem to have either stalled, or failed to excite the crowd as hoped. Now I would like to work with-in this group for a few moments and define what exactly I feel is wrong with these names right now. -3Live Krew (Konnan, Ron Killings & BG James) -These guys are trying so hard to be TNA’s answer to John Cena. But unfortunately, TNA hasn’t had the patience to carry these guys like WWE has with Cena. Has anyone noticed that the most we’ve heard Cena actually rap is on the Original’s CD? And this was a full year and a half since he debuted his rap gimmick. TNA established 3Live Krew in vignettes over three shows and then within two months they had already “released” their hit single, done two live performances and had a re-mix done. Too much, too soon. These guys should be split up and moved on, because the experiment didn’t work and there is too much talent in that group to let it flounder. I’ll make my suggestions on how to fix their situation in a few…
-D’Lo Brown -TNA brought him in and pushed him through the roof. But when they didn’t deliver with the big win over Jarrett, it caused Brown to fall flat on his face. No one cares now.
-Shane Douglas w/ Tracy -Shane Douglas was a master manipulator when he ran The Triple Threat in ECW. He was the Ric Flair of ECW as he carried the belt, while his minions watched his back and kept the belt on him. TNA’s big mistake was losing the “Triple Threat” name in favor of “The Franchise” as a group name. Think about how dumb that sounds. Can you imagine Triple H forming his current stable and calling them “The Game”? Tracy as the new Francine is ok, but she hasn’t really been given enough time to establish herself as a treat to Douglas’ enemies.
-Michael Shane -Saddling Shane, who had a good persona going with “The Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels’ Cousin” gimmick, with an elder statesmen like Douglas was crazy. TNA was obviously thinking that Douglas could help mold Shane, while Shane’s rising star could help give Douglas some stability coming out of his feud with Raven. Bad move.
-EL Leon (Gran Apollo) -Off to an ok start, he has fizzled. In today’s U.S. market, masked stars don’t usually get over unless they are cheesy characters like Shark Boy that fans can laugh at; or established stars like Rey Mysterio or Ultimo Dragon. They should have taken his mask a few weeks ago when it was on the line and built on the man underneath the mask. -Goldylocks -Her turn on Eric Watts has already been de-railed by the leaving of Don Callis. She needs a new direction and she needs it fast.
Can We Get A Steady Program?:
The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas), Juventud Guerrera, Low Ki, Slash & Sinn, Danny Doring & Roadkill, Frankie Kazarian, Ekmo and Vampiro.
-All of these talents have had a cup of coffee with the promotion, but no steady work for sometime. I think that each of these stars can be useful, but only if they are allowed to use what makes them unique and be given the chance to shine in ways that the fans at The Asylum can get behind, which is in the ring.
-The Naturals (Chase Stevens & Andy Douglas) -These guys are a hot, young tag team currently aligned with Jeff Jarrett. A long heated feud with Americas Most Wanted, perhaps with Goldylocks or Jonny Fairplay as their manager, could spark memories of The Rock & Roll Express vs. The Midnight Express feud of the 1980’s.
-Juventud Guerrera, Low Ki & Frankie Kazarian -Each of these guys could be huge players in the X-Division, if they were featured regularly. Low Ki hesitated to reform Triple X with Elix Skipper and Chris Daniels, but what if he brought in Kazarian and Juvi as HIS version of Triple X? They could start a feud with Daniels and Skipper, with the former partners of Low Ki bringing in a new member, perhaps Jerry Lynn, who has standing real-life beef with Juvi. Two teams laying claim to the name Triple X… sounds like an old fashion wrestling feud.
-Slash & Sinn and Vampiro -Former core-members of The New Church, run out of town by Raven. Why not bring them back by the side of Raven against Mitchell, who seemingly has abandoned them for The Gathering? Can you say “Flock”?
-Danny Doring & Roadkill -A popular team from the old ECW days, they caused quite a stir for a few weeks last year during their brief stay in TNA. They have a ton of potential to have good feuds with teams like The Red Shirts, Gilberti & Young, Diamond & Swinger, The Gathering… the list could go on and on.
-Ekmo -Was backing up Sonny Siaki for a while, and I have no idea where he went or why he left. But I would definitely consider using him, especially if WWE could help TNA out by releasing a certain former partner. I’ll discuss that a little later.
-Mikey Whipwreck -Has only appeared once, but would be a great addition for his work rate alone.
Now that we have gone over the current status of the talent roster… lets look at some names floating around the Indy circuit, currently available for work that could spice up TNA:
-Spanky -Good contender for the X-Division has big name notoriety and a built in storyline with Michael Shane, as both are former HBK Students.
-Kanyon -Currently under a 90-day no-compete clause, which I do not understand in the least. Why would you fire someone that you “have nothing for” (read-we don’t think you are a marketable star) and then be afraid that they might go to work immediately? That sounds like WWE talking out of its mouth and it’s ass at the same time. Kanyon has a built in storyline with Raven just waiting to happen. Plus he is a former charge of James Mitchell. Easy fit into TNA.
-Zach Gowen -Former TNA star, former WWE star, has high profile exposure with a PPV win over Matt Hardy. Gowen also has a built in storyline with Roddy Piper.
-Supreme -Former XPW King of the Death Match, currently working for LXW out of New York. This guy would be a great addition to TNA, as he has a marketable catch-phrase and he likes to put his body in danger.
-Kaos -“The Rock Superstar”, and another former XPW guy. All the potential in the world and he is just sitting at home doing nothing. This guy had a try-out with TNA as Joey Idol, but never got a call to PPV. I say bring him in, stick him with Supreme, who is his real-life uncle and put them with Shane Douglas and Tracy as the new Triple Threat. This would mirror what is generally considered the best incarnation of The Triple Threat with Shane Douglas, Chris Candido and Bam Bam Bigelow. A Kaos vs. Michael Shane feud would be great as well.
-CW Anderson -Has worked well with Simon Diamond on many occasions, and has real potential. I say bring him in as a former buddy of Diamond & Swinger, who aligns himself with Glenn Gilberti & David Young, continuing their feud.
-Kevin Nash, Scott Hall & Sean Waltman -Who could resist the chance to re-form the core members of The NWO movement now that they are all out of WWE? Waltman has worked for TNA in the past, as has Scott Hall. Nash and Hall are rumored to be appearing at Bound for Glory. Why not bring them in as opposition for Jarrett’s group? Waltman’s last appearance was alongside AJ Styles and Vince Russo. With Russo more than likely getting the new Director of Authority role (take note this was written on Wednesday morning, and I’m just predicting here), why not have Russo bring these guys in to help out AJ against Jarrett?
-Pogo the Clown -Another former XPW star, who has received one try-out with TNA in the past. With ICP hot right now, wouldn’t it be a perfect fit to bring in Pogo as the main opposition to ICP? Clown vs. Clowns seems like a good fit to me.
-Abdullah the Butcher -A real legend in the NWA, one of the few who has yet to make an apperance. I’d really love to see him, even if it was for a simple one shot deal. Abdullah is a draw, plain and simple.
-Humongous -This guy is a huge, huge man. He works the Tennessee independent scene, mainly working for USA Championship Wrestling with former TNA ring girl, Athena as his manager/valet. This guy is bigger than Abyss and which would make for a great feud, big man vs. big man.
-Mexico’s Most Wanted -Would make a great tag team addition to TNA. I would bring them in with Konnan and have him leave 3Live Krew perhaps starting a feud with Ron Killings, D’Lo Brown and our next subject…
-New Jack -New Jack is very over with fans, based solely on his antics in ECW. I do not know what exactly went down between he and TNA officials that has kept him out of TNA for the last few months, but I think that it would be in everyone’s best interest to bring him back because he carries a kind of unpredictable sensibility about him. Plus you have the built in storyline with TNA keeping him out, and if you add Ron Killings and D’Lo Brown to the mix, you can play the old “We were held down and saddled with programs that we would fail in, because TNA is a good-old boy promotion, run by whites”. I know that some fans scoff at the prospect of racially driven feuds, but presented correctly, especially in the south, such a program could sell a lot of tickets.
-Lucy -Shannon Ward, Daffney, whatever you want to call her, she is over with fans. I would bring her in alongside Pogo the Clown, complete with make-up and that blood chilling scream of hers.
-Steve Corino & Justin Credible -When ECW was in its dying hours, these two were set to form The New Impact Players. Both have had nice limited runs with TNA, and both have a good fan following. I say bring them together and form a new tag team on the TNA scene.
And finally, in light of recent cuts and the prospect of more down the line, I’d like to go over my wish list from WWE:
-Tommy Dreamer -I’m begging for this one, as Dreamer has an instant storyline with Raven. The possibilities are endless with those two as their history is so storied.
-Rhyno -Another ex-ECW guy that WWE has abused and mistreated from the day he came back from his neck surgery. He could be a top guy in TNA.
-Billy Kidman –Although he is a great worker, he does not have a lot of charisma; but he can wrestle, and at the end of the day, that is all that we require. Could be a great player in the X-Division.
-Shannon Moore -Moore is another smaller guy who has been over looked in WWE. Moore could be a top X-Division guy in TNA.
-Jamie Noble -I’d love to see Jamie Noble vs. Low Ki, or Elix Skipper, or well, any X-Division guy. Noble is a hard worker, and he has one thing not many of the cruiseweight types have, and that is charisma… tons of charisma.
-Kimo -Rosey is a stupid name, and I hate that Vince likes to give people with huge bodies, girly names like Rosey and Mabel. Ekmo needs his partner back and I say bringing Kimo in could reform a team that never really got off the ground. Obviously they can’t use Three Minute Warning, but they could go back to The Island Boys and back up Sonny Siaki, or oppose him even.
-Sean O’Haire -Has a built in storyline with Roddy Piper and Zach Gowen, and God knows WWE is doing nothing with him. I really would like to see him given the chance to shine in TNA.
I truly believe that just implementing a few of the above changes would help TNA to find a more concrete and marketable roster. I would welcome any feedback.
THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW
By: Julian Radbourne
This Sunday, the 29th, will be just two weeks away from the biggest show of the year, Wrestlemania 20. Wrestlemania has always been my favourite show of the year. Long-time readers of my column will know this. It’s the show that, way back in 1989, kick-started my love affair with the wrestling business again. The rest, as they say, is history.
And while I’m looking forward to the WWE title match between Kurt Angle and champion Eddie Guerrero, I’m not really looking forward to the other big title match.
When Chris Benoit won the Royal Rumble almost two months ago, I cheered. I’ve been a Benoit-mark for years, ever since I first saw him competing for WCW. His match against Dean Malenko at Road Wild a few years back is a perfect example of excellent technical wrestling.
At last, I thought. The WWE are finally going to elevate Angle. When he jumped ship to Raw, and announced that he wanted to face Triple H for his title, I cheered even more. Triple H and Benoit have had rip-roaring contests in the past, and at a time when the champ has seemingly obliterated every other wrestler on the Raw roster, it seemed that the addition of Benoit to the mix would liven things up a little. But then, the creative team had other plans.
Wrestlemania is special. It should be headlined by one-on-one encounters for the big prize. After Smackdown headlined last year’s show, it was obvious that Raw should be given the chance to shine this year. Benoit v Triple H would have been the perfect way to headline the granddaddy of them all. But then the creative bods had to go and change things, turning this potential match of the year candidate into a triple threat match.
I’ve got nothing against Shawn Michaels. The guy is a great wrestler, a legend. He’s done it all. But am I the only one who thinks that the addition of Shawn Michaels to the World title match is harming it a great deal?
Firstly, it’s harming Benoit. It’s like the creatives are slapping Benoit in the face and telling him that he doesn’t deserve to be alone in the same ring with the great champion that is Triple H, and that he doesn’t deserve to be in the ring alone with the champion on the biggest show of the year.
Secondly, it’s harming the show itself. With the exception of Wrestlemania I and Wrestlemania 2000, the main title(s) have been defended on each show, in one-on-one matches. Wrestlemania I was different because it was all about the glitz and glamour, the setting up of the tradition. And, of course, Wrestlemania 2000 must be rated as the worst Wrestlemania ever. The main event pitting champion Triple H against the Rock, Big Show & Mick Foley was one of the worst in recorded history. Mind you, the only singles match on the show was a match pitting Terri Runnels against The Kat, and enough said about that the better.
So while Angle v Guerrero promises much, even considering Kurt’s long-standing injury worries, the other main event seems something of a letdown. However, with the WWE’s penchant for rehashing old storylines, and it’s desire to once again push Michaels into the main-event picture, couldn’t we have had something of a repeat from Wrestlemania X?
If you’re old enough to do this, cast your minds back to Madison Square Garden in 1994. Two months before, Bret Hart & Lex Luger had been declared joint winners of the Royal Rumble. As the winner of the match would be getting a title shot against champion Yokozuna at the big one, there was a great deal of speculation about who should get the title shot. Some said that Luger & Hart should have a number one contender’s match before Wrestlemania, but then-president Jack Tunney announced that there would be two title matches at the Garden. A random drawing would determine who would be the first man to face Yoko for the title, with the loser having to face an opponent as well, so he would not have an unfair disadvantage.
So after Bret faced his brother Owen in a losing battle in the opening match of the show, Yoko faced Luger, as the psuedo-sumo star defeated the All-American boy with a little help from special referee Curt Hennig. Then, to finish off the show, Yoko lost the belt to Hart in a contest which was far superior to their battle in Vegas a year previously.
Going off on a tangent a little here, but ages ago I heard a story that Luger was originally booked to take the title from Yoko in the first bout. However, Luger’s big mouth proved to be his downfall, as he blabbed about how he was going to win the title in a bar somewhere a few weeks before the show. The bigwigs got wind of this story and subsequently changed their plans. But that’s another story for another time.
But back to the present day, instead of putting on a triple threat match for the World title, couldn’t the same scenario have been played out for Wrestlemania 20?
Think about it – Shawn Michaels hijacks the contract signing between Triple H & Benoit, and puts his John Hancock on the dotted line. Not knowing what to do, Raw GM Eric Bischoff decides that both Michaels and Benoit should get a title shot at Wrestlemania, but in separate matches. A coin-toss could be held the Raw before Wrestlemania to determine who gets the first title shot and who has to compete in a warm-up match.
And who would be the warm-up opponent? Rumour has it that the Nature Boy, Ric Flair, is once again considering retirement. Wouldn’t a Flair/Benoit or Flair/Michaels match be a perfect way of opening the show? Although this is going off on a tangent once again, at the time of writing there are no plans to use Flair in a wrestling capacity at Wrestlemania. If Flair is calling it a day, surely someone of his stature deserves one last big match? Flair and Benoit had one hell of a match on Raw a few weeks back, and I still have fond memories of Flair’s match with Michaels a while ago. Hell, I still have fond memories of Flair’s match with Michaels from a few years ago.
So while I’m looking forward to this triple threat match, I still have this nagging feeling that this just ain’t right.
“ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE”
“DISNEY WORLD? HELL, IT CAN’T HOLD A CANDLE TO DUDLEYVILLE”
“WHO SAYS YOU CAN NEVER GO HOME?”
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
Hoping to get a feel for what’s going on as we approach Wrestlemania XX (WM), I went home to Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville and visited with Grandpa and Grandma Dudley. Grandma prepared a spread fit for Kings … Kings of the Road that is. She had pickled crawdads, pickled eggs, pickled sausage and one sh*tload of pickled Dudleys.
I asked Grandpa to explain what the F is happening when a good cruiser-weight like Eddie Guerrero can beat Godzilla. Sure David nailed Goliath with his slingshot, but stuff like that happens once every 1,000,000 years; and every so often Little Spike Dudley (LSD) beats a baddie, but that’s only because he’s a Dudley. If Eddie had a .45 caliber Magnum, a Light Saber, an Antitank Missile Launcher and a mouthful of spitballs, and was three feet away from Godzilla, he would end up having them all shoved down his throat (or some other bodily opening) like one of MaMa Guerrero’s Taco’s. Grandpa then explained things so that even I could understand them. Godzilla needs a big match for WM, and how many more times do we need to see Godzilla v. Our American Olympic Hero/Zero? The Taker is coming back to meet Kane, The Uncrowned World Champion, so that eliminates them. $oldberg is leaving for parts unknown (Let’s hope the door doesn’t hit him in the ass on the way out), so that makes him the perfect victim. Godzilla will need someone to kick around after WM, and who better than Eddie? Now Zero has a WM Match v. Eddie and Godzilla has one against $oldie. Excuse me, I’m having trouble holding back the tears because he’s leaving. Of course we all had this figured out already, but when Grandpa says it, you can take it to the mattress (Grandpa doesn’t trust banks, so there are none in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville).
Grandpa also explained a little bit about the Guerrero family. You may recall that last week MaMa was sitting at ringside with a man who looked like he might be PaPa Guerrero. He wasn’t. It was one of MaMa’s sons. You all know that Eddie grew up with his nephew Chavo (one of MaMa’s grandsons), who is close to his age. What you may not know is that some of her other grandchildren have children, who are older than MaMa’s youngest children. This may be the only case in recorded history where a great-grandchild is older than his grandfather’s/grandmother’s sister/brother. Can you picture drawing the family tree? Grandpa Dudley said the scion of our family, Ebenezzer Dudley, may have helped populate the country (and he did one hell of a lot of populating), but compared to The Guerrero’s, he was an amateur.
After WM, order will be restored. Godzilla will destroy several more Japanese cities, and turn Eddie into Quesadilla stuffing. Over on RAW, HHH will lend (“lend” being the operative word) the Title to Canadian Crybaby No. 2, but not at WM. How would it look for The Princesses Consort to lose at the premier wrestling event of the year? Soon after WM, RAW visits Canada and that is where CC No. 2 will borrow the Title. HHH is drawing rave reviews in Hollyweird (sound familiar)? on the movie he is working on, and expects $10 million parts to be coming in by the truckload. What better time for him to give CC No. 2 a chance to play Champion For A Day (OK, maybe a month) than in the great white north, and while HHH goes off and plays James Bond. He may have to play a celibate super hero; his love scenes will be restricted to reduce the chance of his poking his costar’s eyes out with his honker. I wouldn’t call his nose big, but how many people do you know whose nose has it’s own Zip Code? Makes you wonder how he and The Princess get together for some spit swapping.
All good things must come to an end. I packed my crap and the 250 pounds of leftovers Grandma sent along with me (Fear Factor has enough for next season). Anyone out there want to try some pickled raccoon, or some Lizzard’s-In-A Blanket? You don’t know what you’re missing. I tell you, nobody, and I mean nobody, makes pickled crawdads like Grandma Dudley.
My return home was marred by a disaster. I found that my VCR had taken The Big Dirt Nap. After checking The Acme Catalogue and not finding any, I went to several local establishments and the pickings were slimmer than Olive Oyl after six weeks on The Atkins Diet. Seems like VCR’s have gone the way of BetaMax. Fixing mine would have required taking out a second mortgage. I dug thru the mountain of crap in the back room and found a “workable” VCR, and hooked it. up. Naturally I forgot to throw all 76 (unofficial count) buttons/switches/etc. and missed RAW last night. I chalked it up to jet lag from my trip home. Now I will be forced to watch those Saturday Night abortions to try to catch up with some of what I missed. Given my druthers, I would probably choose to listen to The Captain and Tennile singing Muskrat Love for 24 straight hours. “Muskrat Love?” Hell, that’s not even listed in The Kama Sutra, and I can’t remember seeing it on any Val Venis video. It gotta be real kinky. Maybe I’ll call Grandpa Dudley and ask him.
“No Time For Love, Dr. Jones”
No time for plugs this week, but Go to The Balrog’s Lair for all your wrestling needs!
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