~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
Volume 3, Issue 6!!!
Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
”Still an Internet Original!”
A little late, but still ready for the weekend.
I want to thank everyone for the feedback this week about the format change. Those that like it and those that don’t – either way, your comments are always appreciated and I hope you keep them coming.
Big thanks to Jay for last week’s column. We at TBL are always trying new things to get readers more involved. In addition to theTBL Forums, readers are getting their voices heard in certain columns and right here in this Newsletter. If you have something you would like to discuss, feel free to drop me a line anytime and it might just make it into the TBL Newsletter.
Well, I guess it’s time for the News. Let’s do this…
Roland G, Editor-in-Chief
A Fight Backstage
-Shane “Hurricane” Helms and Rodney Mack got into a legit backstage fight this past Saturday at a RAW brand house show in Knoxville, TN. There are differing reports as to what caused the altercation, but most believe the cause was due to the Hurricane complaining about the fact that Rodney Mack and Mark Henry were not selling enough in their matches against himself and Rosey. Helms was also upset that Mack and Henry had been kicking out of finishing moves and that should never happen at house shows. Helms also felt that he should be the ultimate one responsible for mapping out the matches and that Mack was not respecting him as the veteran.
Mack disagreed with this and felt that there should be more back and forth between the two teams, which didn’t set very well with Helms. It has been reported that Mack believed Helms deliberately stiffed Mack at some point during their match on Saturday – so a fight broke out later that night.
Word is that the fight was extremely short and that Helms was outmatched. It has been reported that Helms gashed his head open after being thrown back into some shelving on the wall. There are conflicting reports as to whether Hurricane was the victim of a cheap shot or if he egged Mack on.
The fight was likely the reason WWE changed their card for the weekend to not put the two teams together. More on this as information comes in. (Credit 1wrestling).
Kurt Angle’s Sister Passes Away
-In a sad note, Kurt Angle’s sister passed away suddenly this week. The word from WWE.com is as follows:
“Due to the untimely death of Kurt Angle’s sister, Kurt will not be competing at WWE live events this weekend and will be spending time with his family during these challenging times. WWE sends its thoughts and prayers out to Kurt and his family.”
The thoughts and prayers of the TBL staff goes out to Kurt and his family.
-Kevin Nash’s is suffering from a bulging disc in his neck. This is something that he has been suffering from for a while. His scenes for The Punisher movie are almost complete, so his future with the WWE really depends upon what doctors think of his injury. There is no return date set for this time. (Credit Prowreslting.com)
-Shelton Benjamin will have to undergo arthroscopic knee surgery. It is from a prior injury, not from anything he suffered at the Smackdown tapings. (Credit Wrestling Observer)
-Brock Lesner was injured at a house show this past weekend, but it was nothing too serious as he competed in the Iron Man Match on Smackdown and won. (Credit 1Wrestling)
Jim Ross Upset, Possible Spoiler for Unforgiven
-Jim Ross has been reported as being furious with his current storyline involving Jonathan Coachman. It appears that he does not like the angle and also finds it difficult as head of Talent Relations to explain to wrestlers why he is going to receive a PPV payoff and the talent is not.(Credit The Torch Newsletter)
-It also appears that both Jerry Lawler and Jim Ross will possibly be taking some time off. This would indicate that Al Snow and Jonathan Coachman may win their tag match this Sunday at Unforgiven. Please note that nothing has been confirmed. (Credit TBL)
Triple H Lands Two Movie Roles
-Triple H has been signed to play a villain in the upcoming third sequel to “Blade,” entitled “Blade: Trinity”. Any exact details on his role are not yet confirmed.
He will also star in the first WWE Films production: “Jornada Del Muerte”. The film has been described as a “modern-day Western set in the Southwest, involving motorcyles, drug-trafficking, and broken codes of honor”. It seems that the role was written with him in mind. (Credit The Hollywood Reporter)
Orton vs. HBK
-The general feeling backstage is that HBK really needs to do a great job of putting over Randy Orton at Unforgiven. While most also assumed he’d do the job as a “passing of the torch” to Jericho at WrestleMania, most find this to be even more crucial, since Orton is far less established than Jericho and really needs the rub to further his character.(credit The Torch Newsletter)
Rock and Raw Rating
-RAW pulled a 3.7 rating this week which was up from last week’s 3.6. The highest rated segment was the overrun, which did a 4.5. (Credit 1Wrestling)
-As was announced, the Rock will be on RAW this coming Monday Night. It is presumed he will be there to promote his upcoming film, “The Rundown”. (Credit TBL)
Report of the Bachelor Party
-Triple H’s bachelor party took place this past Tuesday, after the Smackdown tapings. It was held at The Doll House Strip Club. Admission to the public was still open, despite the party.
The festivities started around 11 PM, but didn’t get really cranked up until Triple H showed up at around 1:30 AM with Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, The Undertaker, and Kevin Nash. Vince was reported to have meetings up until that time, explaining their late arrival.
It was said that Ric Flair got a little wild and danced on a table. Vince also danced a lot. Aside from that, everyone conducted themselves in a controlled manner.
Those not attending were Chris Jericho (Wife’s Pregnancy), Kurt Angle (Sister’s Death), Steve Austin (Meeting in LA), Kane, Rob Van Dam, and Shawn Michaels. (Credit Prowreslting.com)
First Hand Account of Randy Savage Concert
Reported by Scott Fedor to Prowrestling.com:
-Syndicated morning show D.J. Bubba The Love Sponge talked about the show daily for the week or so leading up to the event (heard locally on 98 Rock). Bubba and Savage have a long-running feud, and Bubba encouraged his listeners to come out in full force to let Randy know exactly what they thought about him.
When I got to Mr. B’s (the restaurant/bar where the event was held), there was a swarm of people outside of the building, many adorned in bright yellow shirts. Bubba had promised a shirt giveaway on the radio, and those were the shirts. On the front read “Hulk Hogan Rules” and on the back “Macho Man Sucks” with “Proud Member of the Bubba Army” written below. I was too late for the free shirts.
Mr. B’s was refusing to let anyone else inside at that point — especially those who were wearing the yellow shirts. However, others who walked right up were let inside, no problem. Apparently the idea was to prevent hecklers from making it inside. That idea ended up failing. A slew of off-duty cops kept the peace out front as best they could.
Brian Adams (Crush) and Macho Man arrived together in a limo. There were a few cheers… and then a chorus of boos from angry Bubba fans. People were shouting things like “Nubain” and “crapped your pants at Gold’s Gym” at Randy. I was amazed at the scene.
A cover band was inside playing as a warm-up, and I managed to finally get through the doors. The venue was tiny, hardly the scene for a serious concert.
The performance itself was horrendous. Remember the Milli Vanilli incident in 1990 where their CD started skipping at a concert? That’s what happened three songs into this show. Macho was lip-synching to his music, trying his best to ignore the overwhelming boos and jeers from the crowd. Unfortunately for Randy, the CD started skipping. Oops. He kept lip-synching until Adams gave him the sign to stop. They tried to compose themselves, but ultimately the rowdy crowd and equipment problems were too much to handle. Randy slammed down the mic and ended the show abruptly.
Roland Rages the News
Not a very lively news week as things were fairly quiet. A few things to mention, though. I was very saddened to hear about Kurt Angel’s sister. While I haven’t yet heard what the cause of death was, I am assuming that her passing was very sudden to the family and I can’t help but be sad for Kurt. I don’t know when he heard about it, but I do hope it was after the Iron Man match taping this Tuesday, because it would be horrible to think of him going through with the match with that kind of sadness. I think all wrestling fans respect Kurt and I know that we all are praying for him and his family.
The other big news this week was the Hurricane/Mack fight. Now, I’ve never been in a WWE locker room and I really don’t know what the protocol is for mapping out a match, but it does make sense that Helms should be the one to really have the biggest input as to how the match would be run. But if Helms did stiff Mack in the ring, then maybe Rodney has a legitimate beef too. Who really knows? All I do know is that it is unfortunate that the two of them couldn’t act like professionals and work it out before someone was injured and, for that, both should be reprimanded by management.
Well, things seem to be going well for Triple H. He’s about to marry into the McMahon family, he had his bachelor’s party, and he got the movie roles that he wanted. But, by all indications, he will not have the championship after Sunday Night. The question is, how long will he be without it? I know a lot of people are rooting for more Hollywood movie roles to come his way to keep him out of the championship picture for quite some time. To read a little more on this subject, check out Will He or Wont He by Shawn Stinson.
Let’s move on to SamJerry:
“ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE”
“TRUST ME – I GIVE YOU THE WINNERS AGAIN”
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
It’s PPV time again, or as The Emperor says, “There’s a whole lot of suckers born every minute.” No sooner do you get your PPV bill then it’s time to shell out another $35. I guarantee you will see one sh*t load of Predictions, and then everyone and his dog will write about what happened … including many who didn’t even watch it. As I do most months at this time, I give you “guaranteed” winners. Why makes them “guaranteed,” you ask … I sit in on every WWE Booking Meeting. I might as well claim I do, I see enough Articles that would have you believe their writers do. After reading this, you can use the $35 to go to dinner (If you’re in New York, you can use it for a Hot Dog, sans mustard, which is another $5).
World Heavyweight Championship – HHH (C) v. $oldberg (If $oldberg loses, sayonara)
Everyone knows HHH is hurting and that he is marrying The Princess next month. Add that to The Stipulation that should Super-Duperman lose, he is gone from The WWE (we should be so lucky), and we know who will win. Actually it’s not “win” in the true sense, it’s really HHH lending His Title to The Hype until he wants it back. What a place for a swerve. With everyone, including HHH, saying The Hype will win, can’t you just picture The Emperor and HHH sitting in the last meeting before Unforgiven and saying, “F $oldberg, The Title is staying in the family.” Nah, The Princess wants him to take some time off to heal and play house.
The Monster v. The Prince – Last Man Standing Match
The Uncrowned World Champion, facing The Fruit Of The Emperor’s Loins, in a Match that will have more bumps then the New Jersey Turnpike. In some of his previous matches, The Prince scaled the old TitanTron and destroyed a sh*t load of scenery. This Match wont be any different. Last Monday on NITRO II, he delivered an elbow from the top turn buckle and put The Monster thru an announce table. If you haven’t already locked up the women and children, better start now … The Monster intends to get revenge. He is going to make Hurricane Isabel look like a calm breeze when he gets his meat hooks on The Prince. He will break a slew of Acme Steel Chairs, products of The Acme Steel Chair and Table Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, over The Prince’s royal head. However, there is a clause in every Contract The Prince signs that says, “I win.” Speaking of Acme Steel Chairs, Sam Presto, one of my loyal readers ran across The Acme Catalogue. I thought you might like to check it out:
Legend vs. Legend Killer – The Over-The-Hill-Kid v. Cowboy Bob Orton III
They changed the locks on all the doors, and hired all new guards, at The Shady Acres Rest Home For Very Old And Over-The-Hill Wrestlers, but The Kid still finds ways to get out. He’s harder to keep in then Grandpa Dudley when Moolah is in town. Cowboy Randy is the future of The WWE, The Kid is the past, yet The Kid will win. Go figure. Maybe he has the same clause in his Contacts as The Prince. If they want to move into the future and pick up new fans, it’s time for The Kid to pack it in … or at least put one of the young studs over. Randy will have his, it just wont be this one.
The Crotch & Al Snow v. Good Old JR & The Puppy King – Winners are the RAW Announce Team
Can you picture listening to The Crotch and Snow Blower every week? Hell, that’s worse than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Then again, we put up with The Oklahoma Wind Bag and I Love Puppies every week. The real question about this match is “Why have it?” If we are lucky, we’ll have a Double Count Out and both will lose. Then The Emperor can go out and hire Joey “Oh, my God” Styles, The man who knows the name of every hold ever devised … and then some. Another question is “Who will announce this match?” Could be The SmackDown team of Clueless and Taz(z), a couple of the mooks that do the weekend shows, or even The Emperor himself. We know The Windbag and Puppies are the NITRO II announce team, so they will win it by default. Then again, another great place for a swerve … Crotch and Snow Blower win and then lose it right back the next night. That has happened before … just ask Kane … but do so at a safe distance … I understand he eats fans that annoy him for breakfast.
Triple Threat Match – Christian (C) v. RVD vs. Y2Jockstrap – Intercontinental Title
Title destroy friendships, if you can call Dumbass and Y2Jockstrap friends. Dumbass has held the Title for some time and defended it with honor (or is it dishonor)? RVD is way overdue to hold a Title of some kind. Jockstrap has his Highlight Reel to keep him warm at night. This is a hard one to pick. Quick, pass the darts. The dart board says … Booger T. Time to get a dart board. Second dart, and the winner in … Bubba Ray Dudley. Damn, this is definitely not an Acme Dart Board! Last dart … the winner is Dumbass. Have to keep the Canadian fans happy. Hell, if you lived in Frozen Testicle, Canada, you need someone/something to cheer for.
Six Man Tag Team Match Tables Match – Bubba Ray, D-Von & Spike Dudley v. Les French Fries & Rob Conway
We all saw the blown move where Les French Fries almost busted Spike into two 50 pound pieces. They deserve a trip to one of the minor leagues … a one way trip. The Dudley’s will get revenge and destroy a batch of Acme Tables, products of The Acme Steel Chair and Table Company, Division of The Acme Corporation, in the process. The French Heroes (The Ultimate Acronym) will be picking wood out of their asses for the next month. As for Benedict Conway, the next time you see him, he will be part of an Acme Table. Grandpa Dudley has told The Boyz that if they lose this one, he is personally going to take them to the wood shed. Last time that happened, Spike was a 300 pound killer. Beware the wrath of Grandpa Dudley.
Testicle v. – Roid Boy – The Winner gets Legs “Services” and Roid Boy becomes Testicle’s Bitch if he loses
If getting Legs “Services” means beating Roid Boy, I’ll take him on. This is the 347th time these two have met (Unofficial Count). Do we really need to see them anymore? Thought not. The only thing worth watching in this match is Legs. BTW, did you catch the shots of her thong on NITRO II? It is definitely a piece of tape worth keeping. Testicle and Legs must have a hard time keeping a straight face considering they are “room mates” outside the ring. Roid Boy has gone from Main Eventer to possibly becoming Testicle’s Bitch. How the mighty have fallen. Next step is WCW. Wait a minute, WCW is history … oh well, so is Roid Boy. Watching him touch Legs is a violation of the pure Food & Drug Law.
Lita is back. Ladies wrestling just improved 135% She wo-man handled Lardass & Kim by herself. That is a harbinger of things to come. If Lita’s team loses this match, Mighty Casey gets another at bat. It aint going to happen. Trish will kick asses and Lita will take names. BTW, did you catch Kim’s comment on NITRO II? “Guess I slept with the wrong Co-General Manager,” meaning Good Old Eric. One hundred showers wont get her clean.
Public Service Announcement Time: Since this is a NITRO II Production, we wont see Bradshaw. I mention this to save a bunch of fans in San Fran some money. They can use it to buy a couple of Pink Ladies.
And now for a column that we used to carry that is back again! The Two Sheds Review!
THE TWO SHEDS REVIEW
by Julian Radbourne
This past week on Raw, I saw something I thought I would never see.
Lance Storm was dancing. And smiling. And had a hip, new trendy entrance theme.
What is the world coming to?
It’s been a while since Steve Austin appeared on the Raw stage, pillow and blanket in hand, and announced to the world that Lance Storm was officially boring. Now, over the past few weeks, we’ve seen one of the best wrestlers in the world gradually broken down until he resembles nothing more than a dancing fool.
For me, Lance Storm was one of the best wrestlers in ECW history. He was one of the highlights during the dying days of WCW. Despite their faults, the WCW obviously had faith in the guy as a wrestler. If they hadn’t, they wouldn’t have put three singles titles on him in less than four weeks.
But now Lance Storm, pound for pound one of the greatest wrestlers currently working for Vince McMahon, is now being portrayed as something that he isn’t, and to quote a certain wrestling announcer, I don’t like it, not one damn bit.
So why was Lance Storm proclaimed boring? Is it because he’s a bad wrestler. No. Lance Storm comes from a long line of men that have graduated the infamous Dungeon in Calgary. He had a great teacher, and down the years his work has only improved.
Is it because he’s bad on the microphone? No. When compared to other excellent wrestlers such as Rob Van Dam and Chris Benoit, Lance Storm is probably one of the most competent workers when the stick is put into his hands. Unlike his contemporaries, Storm’s delivery doesn’t sound forced. He doesn’t sound like a second-rate b-movie actor. He sounds confident. He knows what he has to say and goes about saying it.
But the fact that the creative team up in Connecticut thinks that to get over with the fans, Lance Storm has to prance and smile like a reject from Pop (American) Idol, says a lot for the brains behind the shows.
Let’s compare Storm, if we can, with a certain other famous Canadian wrestler – Bret “Hitman” Hart. Let’s take a look at the style, at the gimmick that eventually led to Bret becoming the top headliner in the two biggest wrestling companies in the world. Did Bret prance away like a drunken pony on his way to the ring? Did Bret spend most of his time grinning from ear to ear like he’d downed two dozen happy pills with a bottle of Jim Beams?
What took Bret Hart to the top of the wrestling mountain was the fact that he was a great wrestler. He didn’t need fancy rap music and snazzy dance moves to introduce himself to the wrestling audience. He didn’t need to have a grin fixed to his face the likes of which Jack Nicholson would have been proud of in the first Bat Man film.
Bret got over with the crowd without any of this. Bret was confident in the ring, and was confident on the microphone. He didn’t need a scriptwriter telling him to dance down the aisle. He was Bret “Hitman” Hart, the best there was, the best there is, and the best there ever will be. He was the excellence of execution.
There are certainly many comparisons to be made between Bret Hart and Lance Storm, beyond the obvious ones that is. The only time Bret Hart was ever made to look a fool was in Montreal in 1997. But that’s a different story entirely.
Lance Storm is a former ECW Tag-Team champion. Lance Storm is a former WCW U.S., Cruiserweight and Hardcore champion. Lance Storm is a former WWE Intercontinental and Tag-Team Champion. What is Lance Storm now?
A dancing fool. It makes you wish for the time where he was still teaming with William Regal. At least then, he still had some dignity.
Storm is just doing what he’s told. It makes you wonder though if he’s had any input on this new character direction. But then again, with the WWE being the only circus in town right now, Storm is probably doing this because he has no other choice. And when his career comes to a close, what will Lance Storm be remembered for?
Perhaps I should ask you what Bret Hart will be remembered for, shouldn’t I?
+On a side note, my latest column for British wrestling website 1 Stop Wrestling is now available for viewing, and can be found by logging onto www.1stopwrestling.co.uk
Roland’s Brother Makes His Predictions!
It’s PPV time again. And in my continuing quest to bring you all the most EXCLUSIVE Newsletter on the planet, I have once again contacted my brother to give you his predictions for Unforgiven. As I explained last time, My Bro is money when it comes to predicting PPVs. And if he gets one wrong he personally guarantees that he will beat the mess out of me, Roland, to make up for it! What a deal! Take it away bro:
I hope I didn¹t get these in too late, I will go in order:
1. TrishZ&Lita d. Molly and Kim in a pretty clean match
2. Orton d. Michaels with help from Flair.
3. Test d. Steiner with help of Stacy as they giggle with glee as she turns heel again.
4. Dudleys d. Frenchies and win the titles, snore!
5. RVD d. Jericho&Christian to win the IC title. This will be best match of show.
6. Kane d. Shane-O-Mac in a bloody, fire laden match.
7. Coach and Snow d. JR and King with the help of Bischoff, this will lead to a rematch on Raw.
8. Goldie d. HHH, The sky will open up and God will force HHH to job to Goldie but the match itself will SUCK!
You want to read the best Unforgiven coverage online? Click Right Here and you’ll get all the articles you need, including Eddie’s News and Analysis, my latest column Unforgivable Storylines, and Matt Healing’s Unforgiven Trivia. Plus, see what some “experts” think about the upcoming PPV as they give their thoughts and predictions in our Unforgiven Roundtable. We at TBL give you the best Pay Per View Coverage there is! Enjoy Unforgiven! Roland G
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