~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
R.E. (Roland Era) Volume 1, Issue 3!!!
Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
”Still an Internet Original!”
A Word from the Editor
I bet you were thinking I forgot.
Nope. It’s just been a crazy week here in Roland-land. What with Labor Day coming, the Smackdown pre-emption fest all around the country, and the company I work for sent me to Detroit Rock City; things have been a bit on the busy side for me. But never fear, the TBL Newsletter is here.
We have added back our Newsletter only column from SamJerry that used to be in here, but for some reason (my fault) has not been added in the first few weeks. But he is now back and everyone can read his thoughts as well as mine.
Oh, and don’t forget that if you have thoughts on something that happens, or you would just like to write something for us, email me and it may just get included in our weekly newsletter. You’re name in lights. Priceless.
Everyone have a great labor day.
Roland G, Editor-in-Chief
Yes, He Really Helps With The Booking
Both Triple H and Pat Paterson were behind the booking of the Elimination Chamber match at Summerslam. Goldberg obviously had some creative input, which will now lead to a one-on-one contest between himself and Triple H at Unforgiven.
Triple H came through the Elimination Chamber match without re-injuring his much publicized groin injury. He was wearing bicycle shorts under his trunks to disguise muscle loss in the leg area, which he has not been able to train due to the injury. (Credit Prowrestling.com)
I know there has been a lot of angst about The H’s winning the match at Summerslam, but in hindsight, it seems like the right thing to do. With the money match now on for Unforgiven, we can only hope that “Triple” will do the job finally to Goldberg and (fingers crossed) stay away from the belt for a while. Of course, then we get reports like this:
More Crazy Talk
The big news is that after HHH returns from his injury there are talks of having him take a babyface turn to fued against Randy Orton. This has been rumored for sometime, but it is starting to more and more shape. The WWE would like to pattern Randy Orton, much like they did with the Rock. If you notice, there are striking similarities between the two.
If all goes as planned, Batista will rejoin Evolution along with Flair, Orton, & HHH, but shortly thereafter we should see the break occur, sometime between Unforgiven and Survivor Series, setting up a wealth of possibilities for the Survivor Series main event. There is thought that the WWE would like to replace HHH with Orton and have him lead a “young group” of heels to possibly battle both HHH & Flair. (Credit Prowrestling.com)
Well, I guess that answers that question. Of course, it leads to more. Like: What about Goldberg? I mean, we all realize that he isn’t going to be with the company for probably very long, but if he is going to win the belt at Unforgiven (as many predict), will he simply be a lame duck that hotshots it back to The Game after a month like HBK did? Does it mean that Orton will somehow beat Goldberg and then lose the Hunter in a few months? It seems as if the possibilities for The H’s to bury someone are endless.
Wanna Waste Some Time?
Maven is allowing fans to name his finisher. If you visit his official Website, www.mavenhuffman.com, it tells you how you can vote for the name of Maven’s new finisher.
I of course am recommending “The RAW Rage Effect”!
Flair Gave Me an Ouchey
Goldberg was scheduled to have a match with Test on RAW this past Monday and slap the taste out of his mouth. However, Goldberg changed the booking because he wanted to better sell the beating he took the night before at Summerslam. WWE wanted to book Goldberg as a monster not affected by the sledgehammer shots he took, but Goldberg thought that wouldn’t be realistic.
Well, chalk one up for Goldy on this one. And, may I say, when Goldberg is booking smarter than the those that get paid to do it, there is something rotten in the state of Denmark, indeed.
So, When Will We See Batista?
Evolution member Batista has been cleared to return to the WWE but will first report back to OVW to get the ring rust off. Expect Batista to return sometime around Unforgiven and rejoin the other members of Evolution.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I miss the dude. I hope he comes back soon and stops jogging with his wife. STOP IT DUDE!
All Kane, All the Time
In more Unforgiven news, WWE has released the Unforgiven 2003 Promotional Poster and it features Kane. Here is the preview associated with the promotional poster:
The fear of losing his identity became the rage of forging his new one. KANE prepares to set the ring on fire like never before, as World Wrestling Entertainment presents Unforgiven, live on PPV.
Maybe this has something to do with him getting burned by Shane-O last Monday. But it probably means nothing.
I Swear it’s Because More and More People are Reading RAW Rage
Last Monday’s RAW did a 4.2 rating off hours of 4.0 and 4.4. The highest rated segment was the overrun; which did a 4.9. That was the Shane McMahon/Chris Jericho match, capped off by the Shane/Kane brawl backstage. The 4.2 is up from RAW’s 4.0 last week.
Word around the campfire is that Vince is happy and is excited about the direction of RAW. Wrestling purists hate it – but I’m a storyline kind of guy, so I don’t mind it so much. But I do hope the McMahon’s don’t take over RAW like they have Smackdown. I fear it’s coming though.
With WrestleMania XX coming, one of the many names being talked about backstage for a big return is The Ultimate Warrior. It seems WWE generally might be interested in bringing him back, although some feel it would be a waste of time since he wouldn’t be a top guy.
I don’t know who I have to beg to see this happen, but I will do it. I mean, just to hear a promo from the master of “huh?” is worth it to me.
The Saga Continues
The webmaster at SeanWaltman.com claims that Joanie “Chyna” Laurer’s restraining order against Sean Waltman has been dropped. Here is the message:
“Hey everyone..I just got a voicemail message from Sean..he wanted me to let you all know that he went to court today over the restraining order. Joanie did not even show up in court to back up her story…so… Anyway…I believe the case has been dropped if I’m not mistaken. His computer is on the blink again but he will be back online as soon as he can and elaborate more for you when he can.”(Credit 1wrestling.com)
Let’s just hope the guy doesn’t have to go to Kinkos again and waste another five hours. Someone go over and give the guy some tech support!
Is That All?
Yeah, it’s kinda short this week for me, but I promise things will be back to their gigantic best this week. But before we go, I would like to hear from SamJerry – wouldn’t you? Here he is.
“ROUNDING THE SQUARED CIRCLE”
“SMACKEDOWN BY THE NFL”
“TAGLIABUE 1 – MCMAHON 0”
VISIT MY HOME PAGE: http://members.aol.com/samjerry
‘Twas a bad night for The WWE this past Thursday as Smackdown was preempted in many cities by a sporting event second only to the Olympics. What great sport was it? It was NFL preseason games … games worth less than a pair of Grandma Dudley’s old Grannie Panties. Instead of SmackDown we saw mostly second and third stringers, along with many who will be cutting lawns for a living come Monday morning. As Warren Sapp of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers said, “I aint interested in wasting my time playing in preseason games.”
Finally on Saturday afternoon I got to see SmackDown … and it was worth the wait. It’s F’N amazing how much better SmackDown is than RAW. Even more amazing is why The Emperor can’t see it. The RAW writers could take a lesson from the SmackDown writers.
The show came from El Paso, Texas, or as The WWE would have you believe, Wetback City, Texas. It is the ancestral home of The Guerrero’s, whose family business is Cheating, Lying and Stealing. Judging by the signs in the crowd and the ovation Eddie received, it is the only occupation in El Paso. There were 12,000 Guerrero’s in attendance, including Grandma Guerrero. They were all chowing down on her homemade Tacos and Burritos. Not to worry, she cooks for all of them every Sunday. No, not after church … Sunday is the day they all bring their weeks “earnings” to The Guerrero Ranchero for counting.
As you would expect, Eddie opened the show, driving in his newest low rider. He “bought” it at Midnight Auto Sales, in East El Lay. He gave us a history lesson, covering The Guerrero Family, starting with Great, Great, Great, Great Grandma Guerrero, the first of the family to arrive in Texas. She became a citizen with the help of a nice old gringo lady who gladly “loaned” her, her own completed citizenship test. Last anyone heard of that nice old lady was she deported to Juarez, Mexico and working in a “guest house.” The family reunion was broken up by John Cena, who tore up Eddie’s family. This led to Eddie kicking the crap out of Cena and setting up a US Title Match for later in the show.
Eddie was called outside because someone had stolen the front wheels off his low rider. Imagine that happening in The Home of Cheating, Lying and Stealing! Eddie was quite unhappy when he found the car up on blocks and the front wheels gone. It looks like it’s OK for The Guerrero’s to steal from others, but others aren’t allowed to steal from them. Eddie questioned everyone in the area, trying to find the culprit. Two members of The Full Blooded Italians were among those looking on. They thought it was quite funny; Eddie didn’t and jumped them. Bradshaw was there and pulled them apart. He had a bear hug on one of the FBI and the biggest grin I have ever seen on his face. I think they had to throw a pot of cold water on Bradshaw to get him let go.
Eddie could have called the police in, but that is not The Guerrero Way. He conducted his own investigation. John Cena was asked if he was the guilty culprit and denied it. It didn’t take Sherlock Holmes or Columbo to figure out who did it … but it took 12,000 Guerrero’s. Finding stolen property isn’t their thing … stealing it is.
Canadian Crybaby No. 2 beat The Walking Hairbag in a decent match. The Hairbag was accompanied to the ring by Our Lady of A Million Wrinkles, Sable. Times must be pretty rough when she has to give The Hairbag the key to her hotel room like she did last week. This time she only wanted to sample the sweat on top of the fur. But I digess, it is very rare that The Hairbag is involved and you can say it was a match worth watching. The Hairbag beat the living daylights out CC No. 2 for a good portion of the match. CC No. 2 took a beating, but won with The Crippler Crossface. The Hairbag’s feet were under the bottom rope, but the courageous referee didn’t see them. In fact, they were hanging halfway to the front row. It was worse than a pitcher throwing over to first base and having it called a strike. The Hairbag caught up with CC No. 2 backstage and while he was challenging him to a rematch, Rhyno burst in and Speared CC No. 2 thru a door. He must have been infuriated at how CC No. 2 won. Why else would he do such a dastardly thing?
Godzilla hit the ring, and was greeted by jeers of “You Tapped Out,” mocking him for his loss to Our American Olympic Hero at SummerSlam. Needless to say, he wasn’t real happy about it. He challenged Our Hero to a rematch. This saved the 12,000 Guerrero’s from being eaten by Godzilla. Instead of Our Hero coming to the ring, we got The Taker, followed by The Big Slowass. They claimed they had title shots coming before Godzilla. Our Hero joined the festivities and just when it looked like a Four Way Match was going to take place, The Princess came down and settled things. She put Godzilla, Taker and Slowass in a Triple Threat Match for the Main Event, with the winner getting a Title shot next week.
Cena rolled one of Eddie’s wheels to the ring. Darn, I believe him when he said he was innocent. Maybe he found it and was just returning it. We never got a chance to find out because Eddie raced down and put a hurting on poor John before the match began. Cena was bleeding like a stuffed pig from the attack. It was one hell of a match, with both men hitting their signature moves. The match looked like it could have gone either way, except for one thing … it was Eddie’s hometown. Eddie planted Cena on the wheel and pinned him. Now all he has to do is find the other one. I figure it will take the 12,000 Guerrero’s a full day to find it. That translates to about four total hours of work between them. This was a match well worth watching. It also adds fuel to the question many (including me) asked: Why wasn’t Cena in SummerSlam? He is part of the future of The WWE and has all it takes to become a big-time player.
The Main Event was also a match worth watching. The match was No DQ, so everything went … and it did. As you would expect in a Triple Threat Match, each one had several chances at winning broken up by the third man. Godzilla and Slowass began by double-teaming Taker. This alliance lasted only until Taker was thrown out of the ring, and from then on it was every man for himself. Our Hero sat at ringside with Tazz and Michael The Useless. As Godzilla was set to Superplex Slowass from the top turnbuckle, Taker came under him, lifted him and hit The Last Ride. Slowass was in lala land, so couldn’t interfere. Taker gets a title shot on next weeks show.
As I said in the beginning, SmackDown is putting on the better show. We saw two (and possibly three) matches that were better than any on last weeks RAW. As I think back to SummerSlam, the SmackDown matches were also better. With RAW being The WWE’s live (and arguably “top”) program, something needs to be done. This should serve as a wake up call to the writers.
That’s all for this week folks. Thanks to everyone who helped this week. Have a great Labor Day.
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