~~~~~THE TBL NEWSLETTER~~~~~
R.E. (Roland Era) Volume 1, Issue 2!!!
Official Newsletter of:
The Balrog’s Lair
”Still an Internet Original!”
A Word from the Editor It’s week two of my domination of the TBL Newsletter and I just want you all to know how much I enjoy doing this. And I thank you for your support of our website and newsletter. Because, without you, The Balrog’s Lair wouldn’t be around and guys like me wouldn’t have the ability to voice our thoughts about wrestling in general. TBL may not be the biggest wrestling website out there, but I think we are getting to the point where we might be the best.
I think I speak for all of the TBL staff when I say thank you for reading and doing your part to make us what we are.
Well, I feel all sweet and lovely inside now. Let’s break up this love-in for some `rassling news!
Roland G, Editor-in-Chief
What’s Good for the Goose. . .
Vince McMahon no-showed the SmackDown! house show in Minnesota last week. He was heavily hyped for the show for quite some time, but ended up not appearing. John Cena rapped about Vince’s absence at the beginning of the show, saying that Vince didn’t think Minneapolis was good enough to make the trip, but the real reason is unknown.
Nice one, Vince. Everyone over in Stanford complains that Goldberg won’t do house shows and now you justify what he does by blowing them off yourself. The rumor is that since Vince hasn’t been able to boost attendance at house shows (and since he thought he would), he’s giving up on going to them. Or, if you would rather believe the company line, he missed due to bad weather. Either way, when you employ people that put their health on the line every day (especially in NON-TELEVISED shows) and you book yourself to be there with them, then be there. If not for them, then for the fans who pay their hard earned money to watch a show that basically means nothing as far as storylines are concerned.
And Speaking of The Wonder-Owner
Vince McMahon reportedly told various heels backstage at a recent RAW house show (Triple H was obviously not one of them) that they really need to watch what he does to get himself over as a heel because he feels he’s one of the few heels who gets the ideal heat from the crowd. He told wrestlers that they are not getting the crowd against them, and it’s becoming a problem.
Amazing. Truly amazing. I wonder if Mr. McMahon has ever thought that people boo him because they are tired of seeing him and his daughter rather than just `cause “he’s a good heel”? Honestly, ask yourself this: How many storylines is he involved in on Smackdown anyway? 1) The Brock/Angle feud. 2) The Stephanie as GM feud. 3) The Undertaker/A-Train/Big Show feud. 4) Zach Gowen. Oh, and let’s not forget that he shows up on RAW to get into the whole Kane thing a few weeks back. That’s 5 different feuds he’s involved in! Name one RAW heel (besides Mr. H’s) that can even be in 5 different feuds? And when is Vince ever going to turn his frustration regarding lack of character development at the CREATIVE DEPARTMENT? Isn’t it their jobs to come up with scenarios and gimmicks that get over with crowds? What does he pay these people for?
I’ll give you a prime example. John Cena, during a Halloween show, gets dressed up like Vanilla Ice by creative and told to do a little rap. Then, in a desperate attempt to do something with him, creative gives him a rap gimmick because people laughed a little at the Vanilla Ice skit. They pair him up with the ULTRA HIP Bull Buchanan (who looked absolutely foolish as a wannabe rapper). Through it all though, Cena runs with it and brings credibility to the role by actually rapping well and wrestling well. Now he’s a huge star. Why? It certainly wasn’t because of “Creative’s” brilliant ideas.
The Next Rock?
Nathan Jones is going to have a featured role on a big budget movie called “Troy” which stars Brad Pitt. Jones will be used for a big fight scene in the opening of the movie.
Oh Good. He can creep all of them out now. Well, at least he’s making money somehow. The sad part is, I think all of us were excited to see him when we first started seeing those awesome promos. And although Jones certainly wasn’t ready for the “big time”, I think some of the blame for his failure needs to be squarely placed on the Undertaker’s shoulders. One week we get an interview where he is going to beat up The Undertaker, and the next, Taker is going to teach him how to wrestle. That killed it for everyone. Why did it happen? Because Taker didn’t want to lose at Wrestlemania and he was afraid that with Jones’ big push, they couldn’t book it any other way. Way to destroy an angle, fan’s hopes, and a man’s career, Mark.
And We All Start Drooling Now
WWE is working on a new Ric Flair DVD and hopes to have it on sale early next year.
You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. I’m telling you why. Rick Flair is coming to town! Here is to it being the greatest compilation ever.
And we all collectively sigh in frustration
The latest word going around the campfire is that HHH is very interested in making a face turn shortly down the road. It is not known exactly when this would happen, but HHH is really into it – so take what you want from it.
Asdfjka;zsnk:SDLKnf. You know what that was? Me; banging my head on the keyboard.
I’ve tried. Really tried to not be a HHH hater for the sake of hating him. I personally think a lot of “smarts” on the net don’t like the guy because everyone else doesn’t like the guy, rather than for real reasons. I used to be a mark for him. But this might be going too far. I know it’s just a rumor and I shouldn’t make judgments based upon rumor, but if this is true, Jean-Paul is really off the deep end.
It’s hard to argue that he hasn’t buried people in the past (RVD, Booker, Steiner), but I’ve always been more inclined to blame people higher up than he for the decisions. I know who he’s going to marry. I know all that. But how can you blame a guy for trying to make sure his position in the company is guarded? We all would do it. But now that he has finally found something that people are responding to in Evolution, he wants to leave it? And bury Orton in the process? Figures.
It actually could work if Flair, Orton, and a returning Batista took the stable from him (this idea comes from my brother, who you will hear more from later), instead of it just looking like Trips had enough and had a change of heart and decided to be a “good guy” for a while. Maybe if what was left of Evolution felt like they had “had enough” of his giant ego and threw him to the curb and then did mean stuff to him until the audience responded to H’s. Just a thought though.
And This Could Be The Reason He Turns Face
TBL reported this week that Stephanie McMahon has been spending a lot of time in Hollywood, looking to get a movie gig for Triple H. As it turns out, The Game is in front line for a lead role in the latest Blade movie, which is called Blade: Trinity.
Hogan would be proud. For those of you that hate the H’s and wish failure on him for everything, make sure to root that he gets the role. It’ll keep him off TV. You’ll be happy.
My thoughts? Dude, do you have to use your woman to get you everything?
X-Pac Responds. 1-2-3 Kid
As reported last week, Sean Waltman and Joanie Lauer are going through one nasty breakup. Lauer (formerly Chyna) has filed a restraining order against Waltman (formerly X-Pac) and accused him of abuse and drug use. Earlier this week, Waltman responded in an open letter to his fans that I would like to reproduce here:
I want to Thank You for your support & kindness. Also for not rushing to judgment over such a disturbing situation. I wish I could say none of this happened, however some of Joanie’s claims are based on a true story. I will shed more light on what happened when I am able to sit down and type for an extended period of time. I am using a Kinko’s computer , as My Computer is out of action.
I did want to at least let you know I am grateful for all of your support. I didn’t know what the reaction was going to be to such a damaging story. I was originally served with a 1 page document that didn’t have her statement on it. That was 2 days later.
I was served with the real copy of the order on Monday. Her story has major holes in it that I will point out & prove after I have time to get My nuts together. Even typing this has been exhausting . The Celebrity Justice piece & The Globe article due out this week are very damaging, and even if She admits She completely distorted the truth & She was Sorry, The thought of Me doing the things She claims will be in people ‘s minds now.
I am curious to know why if She was in hiding from Me and the restraining order was for August 1st , then why did She have Me take her to the airport Friday night so She could fly to Chicago for the comic book convention. That is after we spent the day in bed together at her apartment . She wanted Me to go with her at that point. Actually I knew She probably didn’t, because She was going there to support a movie project she was in by a comic book illustrator. A really good guy by the way. I got text messages from her the next day saying it would be good to be apart. I never saw that one coming 1000 miles away. So I called and said I was in Chicago, just got in. That made her furious, and I was hung up on.
She told Me not to ruin this for Her & used some very harsh 4 letter words in a really disturbing tone. She thought I was there & if I was I would have been nuts out of luck. A day and a half later She finally text messaged Me. I let her know this restraining order was going to make me look bad. She text messaged Me wanting the lady’s number from the Globe so She could “smooth things over”. I have the text messages saved . She has totally distorted and manipulated the truth and conveniently left out very important facts.
I Love Joanie more than I thought was possible. That Love is unconditional . She could not grasp that concept, so she didn’t believe it. But I do. And this is in spite of the countless times in which She purposely did or said things to hurt me.
She said I threatened to kill myself. Never in My life have I said I was going to Kill Myself. I told Her that She was slowly killing me & to just get it over with. I have definitely seen my lowest point thus far in my life.
She makes the claim in the report that She thinks I have a drug problem, because She seen needles in my bag. Well She would know everything in my bags because She has snooped through all my personal things since the beginning . Her saying I have a drug problem yet no mention of her own issues of that nature. I have needles for a variety of things like vitamin b 12 & other things. She has given me a shot in the ass with those needles more than once by the way. I don’t like telling my private matters to the whole world, but I want it to be the truth if it’s going to be public. I can handle the truth, even when it hurts. I admit my faults, Why the hell can’t others do the same? They have most of the same kinds of flaws as I do. Yet they seem to think that if they don’t admit them , they don’t exist. Bullshit. foar have been accused of being homosexual, and having starred in pornography. I have been hit by her more than once. I Only used any holds to restrain her from hurting Me. One friend of ours warned Me that She was trying to get Me to hit her.
She also mentioned that on July 14th I broke the window out of her passenger side door. I did break her window after relentless name calling & provocation.
Notice July14th. Well that’s the day after My birthday. She was in Chicago until the 12th & coming home on My birthday to have a party for Me. She never once called Me (I called her) I never saw her on My birthday & definitely no card or gift. I was a cry baby and I should get over it, according to her. I was so upset by her constantly mocking me, that I asked her Please back off. Please. She kept on & I lost My composure and smashed the window out with My elbow. She kicked me out on the side of the street. That’s what happened there. I should have seen the writing on the wall. I am a glutton for punishment & abuse I guess. The incident was blown out of proportion by her. I never tried to hurt her only restrain her & fend her off. However I did shove her to the ground, and when She ran back at me with her hands in the air as to hit me, I placed my right foot into her chest & Shoved her back to the ground again. A true kick to the body would have sent her to the hospital . Joanie is an incredibly powerful woman, one of the strongest in the world at one time. She bench pressed 350 pounds plus . The world record was only about 30 pounds difference. I wrapped her in a rear naked choke (My legs wrapped around her waist) She has turned this into Me trying to snap her neck. Never did I cut off her wind pipe. I was trying to keep us both from getting hurt. I do not mean to offer this as an excuse for My part in this. There is never an excuse. My wife Terry punched Me over 10 times in the face and I didn’t hit her . So I wanted to give you a better idea of what happened . I know this is my side of the story , from my point of view.
I will take a polygraph test to back up my statements. I think it’s a good idea actually. Since My reputation has been damaged by Joanie’s claims, Maybe we could go on “Celebrity Justice” and both take a lie detector test. I’m not holding my breath for that to happen.
I really must go after 5 hours on this Kinkos computer. I feel like I needed to get this out for you all to see. I still love Joanie . People ask what kept me there so long when I should have been gone along time ago. I asked Joanie to marry me, she made me the happiest man on earth for the first 3 months or so. I always told her that I would never give up on her. I kept on hoping that she would come back to being like she was when we were first together. She is almost a completely different person. I remember thinking I had finally found my happiness after years of constant drama from my marriage of over 11 years. Well my time with Joanie easily outweighs the entire rest of my adult life in the drama department.
I really must go now. I am ashamed of myself for letting things escalate to this point. I am ashamed of putting Joanie ahead of my children. They are the greatest thing I have & I have forsaken them for a woman. That sounds terrible and it is. Good bye for now.
Sean Waltman (Credit: prowrestling.com)
Who do you believe? I don’t know, but I do find it hard to believe all those needles were only for vitamins. More on this if anything develops.
And, dude, it takes you five hours sitting at Kinkos to write a couple pages? What, are you a columnist at TBL?
Hair Today, Gone tomorrow
There is some controversy stemming from the Kevin Nash/Chris Jericho hair vs. hair match. Some people are upset that Kevin Nash was not shaved completely bald after the match, but rather emerged with a crew cut later in the night. Nash will be doing a movie called “The Punisher” where he needed a haircut in a short, military style. He never planned on being shaved bald.
Okay, who exactly is upset with this? Sometimes I think we “smarts” can be a bit on the over-reactive side. It was an entertaining angle that served its purpose and that should be enough for anyone. Plus, Nash will look a lot better(like Christian did). I mean, what would you rather see? Nash completely bald or that shot of Jericho with Nash’s hair on top of his head?
A Week without RAW Rage? How will I go on?
WWE RAW will be canceled on September 8th as Spike TV presents an all-day movie marathon to remember the events that occurred on September 11th 2001.
Yes, that does mean no RAW Rage that week. But I look on the bright side of things. It means I will get to watch Monday Night Football at least once this season. Who happens to be playing that night? Well, wouldn’t you know it? My favorite team in the world: The Dallas Cowboys! And, yeah, they’ll most likely lose.
What about SummerSlam?
Right now, it is felt that one of three people will win the Elimination Chamber at SummerSlam. The odds on favorite is Triple H defending his title, but there is also some thought that Goldberg will win to set up a rematch for the title at Unforgiven next month. The dark horse is Chris Jericho, but it could happen if the WWE is looking to shock us.
I think a lot of people would be happy if anyone other than HHH won the match, but my man Trevor (with help from Eddie) tackle the subject in the latest Figure Four Leg Lock. I think you would be wise to check it out here. Believe me, this is stuff you won’t want to miss.
And Now, Some Fun
DJK86ICE@aol.com writes to us:
Hey man, nice newsletter.
I liked reading some of the points of views these guys had. Just one suggestion; have some guest commentaries. Ya know, people that subscribe to the newsletter, give em the chance to write a column or something for it. Just an idea, either you go with it or you don’t. I look forward to the next one.
And that is exactly what we are trying to do here at the TBL Newsletter. Not only are we going to have guest show up from time to time (some you may know, some you may not), but we want you to get involved as well. If you see something in the news and want to comment on it, feel free to write me and I just may use your thoughts in this Newsletter. You will be amazed what seeing your name in lights will do for your self-esteem. Do it, brutha!
Well, the second biggest show is on the way and you might be thinking to yourself, “Self, I wonder what other people are predicting will happen at the show.” Well, I was thinking the same thing. As a matter of fact, if you go to TBL this weekend, you can find out what we, The Experts think about it. There will be a whole roundtable-like thing up there for you to see showing how all of your favorite columnists are scoring this one. Including me.
But that’s not fair to you; my special readers of the newsletter. So, in my continuing quest to bring you EXCLUSIVE content, I racked my brain as to what I could do, and a light bulb went off. I contacted one of the most clairvoyant predictors of wrestling PPV’s I could find. My Brother.
Roland G’s older brother has been watching wrestling longer than Roland G has (referring to myself in third person is fun). Roland G’s brother used to perform wrestling moves on Roland G when he was just a wee lad and almost crippled Roland G many times. Who is Roland G’s brother? You ever seen “Weird Science”? Think Chet. “Looks good. Get yourself one,” is actually a line I think I’ve heard in real life from my brother. Anyway, Roland G’s brother is like money in the bank for predicting PPV’s, so I asked him to handicap this one for you. This is exclusive stuff you won’t find anywhere else. Take it away, bro:
First off I had a nightmare and the elimination chamber match was changed to a divas elimination chamber match! NOOOOO, there was Trish, Victoria, Jaz, Jackie, Gail Kim, Molly Holly, and Lita. Good gosh, that would be hell!
Dudleys beat La Resistance, The new Frenchie will interfers but alas here comes Spike to save the day. Tell me we haven’t seen this before.
Taker beats A-Train because he never puts anyone over on ppv’s.
Benoit over Eddie, Tajiri, Rhyno. Benoit turns heel and aligns with Rhyno and Tajiri forgives Eddie. Why not?
Gowen beats Hardy, Shannon Moore turns face and helps Gowen!
Bischoff beat ShanoMac after Linda accidentally helps him.
RVD beats Kane by DQ because Kane finally figures out how to light a match and sets RVD on fire.
Angle beats Lesnar clean because Lesnar beat Angle clean at WM, so it’s payback time!
The Game wins the Chamber match because Batista interferes and helps him.
Vince will get really mad at someone and Austin will drink a lot of beer.
That’s all folks!
Well, it’s been fun already this week. Don’t forget to visit TBL everyday for News updates, columns, and all around good wrestling discussion. Let me give you some things to look at before I go. My boss has his latest Raw Wishes up from the show this week. And Eddie gives us some News and Analysis for the PPV. Oh, and try your luck at Summerslam Trivia by our own Matt Healing.
That’s it from me boys and girls. The Newsletter may come in early next week as I have a business trip to go on to Detroit next weekend. Either way, I will see you. Have a good one and enjoy the PPV.
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