IMPACT WRESTLING starts off with the entrance of (currently) two of the most hated men in professional wrestling: Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Hogan reminds each and every one of us that the name has changed, but the rules are still the same. The network has decided that they don’t need a stooge looking over their shoulders, so they fired Mick Foley last week. Bischoff says he was on the phone with the network and they didn’t like Foley, but they loved the rebrand to “IMPACT WRESTLING” and that wrestling matters. “And Damn it, so do we!” he says. The Network thought that the X-Division was a very important corner stone in Impact Wrestling, and they promised to continue presenting the X-Division in the right way. Bischoff calls out the two men that will be in “the biggest main event in Impact Wrestling” history: Sting and Mr. Anderson…Anderson.
Hogan states that since the show was rebranded to Impact Wrestling, they aren’t going through the same thing they did before with the network. He said that he not only promised, but he “Hulk Hogan” promised that he would run this company in the most professional way possible. He also promised that at Slammiversary, there would be a winner and a loser. No run-ins, no BS, or anything else. And he meant it. Hogan also adds that if anyone has anything to say to say it now or “forever hold your peace.”
Anderson raises his hand and tells Sting that for the last three weeks, he’s come out here mocking and imitating him and it’s because everything that he stands for is a joke. He says he’s a fighting champion and is for the people, but at least Anderson’s an asshole enough to admit that he’s only in it for himself. He’s going to get his hand raised as Slammiversary and he’s going to become the TNA World Champion…Champion. Sting says he’s going to do a whole lot about that, and if Anderson wants to fulfill his destiny, he’s got to beat Sting first. Only problem is that he can’t and won’t lose, because the title is the only thing standing between Hogan and Bischoff making a mockery of the company, and it gives him a chance to make a difference around here. He’s going to win there, and one of two things will happen before he goes down: either Hogan and Bischoff keep doing what they’ve been doing and he stays in their face, or the real Hulk Hogan that the wrestlers and fans idolized comes back out. Everyone bought all kinds of Hulk Hogan merchandise, but he slapped them all in the face, and maybe he should slap Hogan back and return the favor. The true infection, the kind that history says breathes a slow and miserable death, and he means YOU, Eric Bischoff, he wants Hogan to take the scalpel out and cut the cancer away before it’s too late, and not to say that he doesn’t have a choice because he does. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I had to wait to collect my thoughts for this one. Worst Opening Ever! You could tell that Bischoff and Hogan was BSing the audience, and I don’t mean in storyline. They are currently under the microscope by fans for comments they’ve made on Facebook and Twitter about the fans. The segment revolved around Hogan and Bischoff, and complete 180 from the “Wrestling Matters Again” tagline. In fact, they rebutted that earlier by stating that while wrestling matters, nothing’s changed in TNA Land.))
Winter and Tara start out the match. Winter controls with an armbar but Tara reverses out and tags Mickie in, who hits a top rope double axhandle and catches a short armscissors to get a two count. Tara is in and hits a double back elbow with Mickie, and Winter tags Angelina in. Angelina points at Mickie, but Tara decks her and hits a spinning side suplex, then tags Mickie in and they do a double team wheelbarrow splash for a two count. Angelina no-sells the maneuver and tags in Winter, but Mickie gets a modified armdrag into a two count and goes for her headscissors out of the corner. Angelina grabs her coming off the ropes and Winter powerbombs Mickie for two. Mickie tries to fight her way out of the corner, Winter yanks her down by the hair, but Mickie wipes both Winter and Angelina out with a neckbreaker/dropkick combo. Madison Rayne comes out and yanks Tara off the apron and rams her into the ring steps, and Angelina gets a neckbreaker over the knees and pins Mickie.
Winners by pinfall: Winter & Angelina Love
Angelina now has a win over the champion going into her title shot this weekend, and puts Mickie out with her rear naked choke. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Let me get this straight: Angelina, the zombie, performs better than anyone in the match, including the afterthought of a champion, Mickie James. It’s sad because I’m a Mickie James fan. This division was less complicated it was Kong/Kim/Love/ODB. And the PPV matches were well promoted.))
Beer Money is backstage with Alex Shelley, and Bobby Roode talks about how happy he is to have Shelley filling in for him and how weird it’ll feel for him to be sitting on the sides watching, and they do a WHOA BUNDY!
Mexican America is backstage talking about how they get held down by the man, but Sarita and Rosita have gold around their waists and it’s just a matter of time before they get gold, too. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I think the “racism” is fear that if they get the belt, they might injure someone who is higher up on the TNA pecking order. Neal is already out thanks to taking Hernandez’s new finisher at Sacrifice. Hope he has a speedy recovery by the way.))
Mike Tenay and Taz send us to a “cell phone video” of Samoa Joe and Crimson getting into a fight in a bar. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I appreciate that they tried to make this realistic, but could they make it in a realistic light where I can tell what is going on, besides *BEEP* every few seconds.))
Jeff Jarrett is backstage and the Mystery Cameraman wants to know how Karen’s doing, but Jeff blows him off and walks away.
We’re back in the Impact Zone and getting ready for our next match with the British Invasion at the broadcast booth to do commentary on the next match with Mike and Taz.
Mexican America vs Gun Money (James Storm & Alex Shelley)
Anarquia takes Shelley to the corner and beats him down as Taz mentions that the British Invasion haven’t beaten anyone recently and asks why they deserve a title shot. Storm tags in and lays Anarquia out and gets a legdrop for two, then Shelley gets the rolling Muta Lock and Storm comes off the ropes with an eye poke. Storm with a lungblower sends Hernandez to the floor, but Shelley goes up top and Hernandez recovers and yanks Shelley down on the turnbuckle via crotch. Hernandez tags in and hits a slingshot shoulderblock on Shelley for two, then Anarquia tags in and whips Hernandez into Shelley, then hits a double underhook suplex for two. Shelley tries to fight his way free, but Hernandez tackles him across the ring and tries a top rope headbutt, but Shelley moves and tags out to Storm, who comes in and destroys Anarquia. Storm with a DDT to Anarquia for two, Hernandez comes in but Shelley dropkicks him and Storm clotheslines him over the top to the floor. Shelley hits a dive to the floor on Hernandez and Storm dropkicks Anarquia and covers, but the girls are distracting the referee, so Storm spits his beer in their faces. Shelley goes for a superkick at Anarquia, but he ducks and Shelley accidentally nails Storm, and Anarquia covers for the win.
Winners by pinfall: Mexican America
Anderson says that Gunner can rise or fall by riding on his coattails, but the point is that they want to hurt Sting bad, and Gunner says that he likes to hurt people. Anderson’s glad to hear that because he can be Gunner’s best friend or the biggest asshole in his life. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Taz hit the nail on the head on commentary: Why are the British Invasion getting a title shot, they haven’t done anything. Maybe it’s a last minute substitution because of Jesse Neal’s injury thanks to Hernandez, but they didn’t win a #1 Contenders Match or anything. But regardless it really took away from the match.))
Mexican America is backstage asking Hulk Hogan for a title shot, and asks if they’re not getting one before they’re Mexican. Hogan tells them they’d better watch what they’re saying to him, and not to come in here and tell him how to run his company. He says he’ll play a game of Hulkster Says with their two lovely ladies, and Mexican America make some threats I don’t quite get because I don’t speak Spanish. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I might be tired of seeing Hogan and Bischoff, but I actually liked this segment. Maybe it’s me liking people with that personality being put in their place, or that I hate Mexican America for the major push and lack of talent.))
We go to a video package hyping what will be the final Angle-Jarrett match at Slammiversary.
We’re back, and Jeff Jarrett and Kurt Angle meet up in the ring for one final confrontation before Slammiversary, and Jeff has something to tell Angle: Karen is gone, and he doesn’t care if nobody believes it, but Karen Jarrett will not be at Slammiversary. He’s had to deal with that for seven days, and he’s not going to lie to Kurt, she’s been the support he’s needed to get an advantage over Kurt for the last six months. First, he panicked because he’s had to wonder what Kurt Angle will do when he gets Jeff Jarrett in the middle of the ring at Slammiversary. But when that panic went away, Jeff kept thinking in his mind back to the first day they met and shook hands because Jeff Jarrett brought Kurt Angle, the founder of TNA, brought Angle into the company because he knew Angle’s former employer made a huge mistake in letting him go. Jarrett says he knows in his heart of hearts that Kurt Angle is the best in-ring performer this business has ever produced, and that alone is why he decided to step aside and let Angle be the centerpiece of TNA. The thanks he got was that he got a self serving son of a bitch who wasn’t happy enough having the whole company built around him, and his whole focus was erasing Jeff Jarrett from the history of the company, and he may call it sour grapes but it’s the truth. When he realized that’s what was going on, Jeff decided he wanted to take everything that meant everything away from Kurt: his wife, his kids, his integrity, and now he’s taking away the essence of Kurt Angle: being a professional wrestler, and he decided that he was going to become a better wrestler than Kurt Angle, and he’s beaten Angle every single time they’ve wrestled, and now the only thing he has left is the gold medal and Jarrett won’t sleep until he owns it. On the nine year anniversary of the company he founded, when he gets his hand raised, Angle will know once and for all that he’s the better man.
Angle takes the mic and asks Jarrett if he’s done, because he wants to thank Jeff for doing the one thing nobody else has ever been able to do, and that’s take Karen out of his life for good. All he ever wanted was Jeff and himself in the ring, one on one, but Jeff had to get Karen involved, and her injury is on his hands. Angle will let his wrestling do the talking at Slammiversary, and then he’ll see how real this really is. Angle drops the microphone and heads to the back as Jarrett stares determinedly at him. ((Jarrett’s Jab – That has been the best part of the show so far, the best TNA promo of this year. It’s something that people that read sites can really go either way. It kept the focus right on the match and the fact that this is the last match between the two.))
ODB is backstage saying that Velvet isn’t special, she’s just the first bitch to get in her way, and tonight she’ll find out what wrestling is (grabs boobs), BAAAAM!
Brian Kendrick and Frankie Kazarian are walking around backstage with Janice and talk about finding Abyss to ask him a few questions.
Bully Ray comes out to the ring and says that this weekend will be a Last Man Standing, with the emphasis on Last Man, not Last Boy, and now he’s going to do what a real man will do and challenges any man in the back to come out and face him…except for that piece of crap Devon.
Bully Ray vs Rob Van Dam
Ray grabs RVD while he’s playing to the fans before the match and powerbombs him out of the corner for two, then fires in crossfaces at RVD. Ray goes to the eyes and rams RVD to the corner, and then unloads with hard chops. RVD gets his stepover back kick and goes for the monkey flip, but Bubba just shoves him off and then hits a running clothesline into the corner and yells to the fans that this might as well be AJ Styles. Bully Ray gets repeated elbowdrops as AJ Styles watches the match from the crowd. Ray notices RVD in the crowd and starts mouthing off to him, but AJ just stares back at him stone faced Bubba goes for a piledriver, but gets backdropped, and RVD hits a springboard thrust kick and the Five Star for the win.
Winner by pinfall: Rob Van Dam
Velvet Sky is backstage talking about how her fake eyelashes and fake tits aren’t as bad as ODB and BAM!, and that she should meet this skinny bitch out in the ring.
Kazarian and Kendrick are still walking around backstage and they run into Abyss, and instead of attacking them, Abyss reads passages from the Art of War and says he doesn’t need Janice anymore because the X Division Title is his and it is now the Xtreme Title. He challenges them to a three way at Slammiversary and says goodbye to Janice. ((Jarrett’s Jab – Speaking of things that never change, Abyss’ character has managed to gradually suck more as the years go by. He’s not a monster anymore, at least he sure doesn’t act like one.))
ODB vs Velvet Sky
Velvet jumps ODB in the entranceway, ramming her into the side of the ramp over and over, but ODB reverses a whip and sends Velvet crashing into the ring steps. ODB smashes Velvet into the ring apron and rolls her back into the ring and covers for two. ODB repeatedly drills Velvet in the head with right hands, Velvet tries fighting back but ODB just plows her into the corner and then stomps the hell out of her. ODB briefly backs off, then goes back to destroying Velvet with right hands and then gets in the face of the referee when he tries to get between them. Velvet suddenly comes out of nowhere with a clothesline and repeatedly shoulderblocks ODB in the corner and stomps her down as well. Velvet rams ODB into the opposite corner and beats her down again, then tries a leap off the stairs onto ODB, but ODB catches Velvet and rams her into the ringpost. They head back into the ring and ODB hits a fallaway slam, then drags Velvet up by the throat and chews her out as she squeezes the choke, but Velvet hits a DDT out of nowhere and covers for three.
Winner: Velvet Sky
Eric Young is backstage telling Sting that if he pins him, he will be the unified Galactic Champion. Sting says this is serious and Anderson and Gunner want to hurt him, and asks Young if he can put the comedy aside for one night and be a competitor. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I for one wish he would on a regular basis. He’s proven to be a great heel, and can be a great face if he cuts the comedy crap.))
We see a short video package looking at the history of the Brother Devon-Pope feud on Xplosion, then it’s main event time! ((Jarrett’s Jab – Why in the world would they show that in the US, nobody has a way to watch it, so why would anyone care? The only thing I can think of is there about to either bring the feud to Impact Wrestling, or they are trying to build interest in Xplosion to get it picked up in the US.))
Mr. Anderson & Gunner vs TNA World Champion Sting & TV Champion Eric Young
Anderson and Sting start us off, but Anderson tags out to Gunner before making contact. Gunner backs Sting to the corner and unloads with right hands, but Sting whips him into the corner and hits a clothesline to the back of the head and a pair of Stinger Splashes, but Anderson nails Sting from the outside with a clothesline. Now Anderson tags in, and Anderson lays in right hands of his own to Sting and rams shoulderblocks into his midsection. Gunner tags in and beats Sting down in the corner and then mocks the Sting howl before trapping Sting in an abdominal stretch. Anderson tags in and puts the boots to Sting, but Sting kills him with a clothesline out of nowhere and makes the hot tag to Eric Young, who comes in and cleans house. Young with a slam and top rope elbow on Gunner, then fakes Anderson out with a faux right hand and nails a dropkick. Gunner rams Young into Sting and hits an F5 on Sting, and Gunner pins Sting!
Winners: Mr. Anderson & Gunner
Young still is insane and parades around ringside with his title belts and comes into the ring and raises Sting’s hand, and Sting just angrily shoves him away. ((Jarrett’s Jab – I like that TNA has taken incentive to build up Gunner to make him credible, however jobbing out Mr. Anderson to Eric Young and Sting to Gunner this close to a big PPV main event is bad decision making.))
Sting is backstage walking out into the parking lot really angry, and Eric Young comes out to try and talk to him, but Sting is really pissed at him and storms away.
Meanwhile, AJ Styles says that he got in Ray’s head tonight, but Ray comes out and says he doesn’t back away from nobody and nobody ever backs him down. AJ and Ray yell at each other while security separates them, then we go to Ken Anderson as he gloats about how he barely broke a sweat because someone as lowly as Gunner beat Sting. Sting goes after Anderson and chases him into his trailer, and Anderson tries to get the jump on him coming through the door, but Sting lays him out and paints red all over Anderson’s face before choking him out. ((Jarrett’s Jab – This is what I hated after Reaction ended, they started cramming this into the ending, and it’s not good TV. And after everything Anderson has done, smearing face paint on him doesn’t constitute as revenge in my book. Laying him out with the baseball bat after the match does in my opinion, and would have looked better going into the main event of their anniversary pay-per-view. Personally I think this was a horrible go-home show for that PPV, the only highlight was the Angle/Jarrett promo.))