Dear Mr. Vincent K. McMahon,
As a fan of yours and your fine wrestling establishment, I would like to send you this letter to inform you of a serious problem. A problem that is so catastrophic, it might cause a meteor shower of bad ratings and poor merchandise sales within the WWE Universe. John Cena is killing the Nexus angle. Let me repeat myself. JOHN CENA IS KILLING THE ENTIRE NEXUS ANGLE.
Since I’m sure that you are a card-carrying member of the Cenation, I’m sure that this statement makes you wanna immediately bodyslam me so that you can give me a “five knuckle shuffle”, but please give me just a few minutes to prove to you why I believe John Cena is single-handedly killing the entire Nexus angle.
Unless you have lived under a rock for the past several months, as the Creator of the WWE Universe, you are more than aware that a new show was debuted to highlight some of the up and coming talent in which was called “WWE NXT”. This show involved a current WWE Superstar being teamed up with a ‘rookie’. Besides wrestling, they also had to prove that they could complete WWE Superstar-sized tasks such as spontaneous trash talking. Honestly I thought this was a pretty silly concept to begin but then towards the end of the season, the WWE had all the ‘rookies’ team together and invade RAW. I thought that this angle was pretty clever. Since I am NOT a member of the Cenation, I was also glad that they chose John Cena as their first target.
Of course at first, the numbers game seem to always overwhelm Cena’s best efforts as each confrontation seemed to end in a 7 on 1 beat-down. Well, this carried on through several episodes of RAW and a few PPV’s with Cena getting a small win here and there but the Nexus (NXT + us = Nexus, clever, huh?) always ended up getting the best of Cena. I remember watching week after week thinking is this the week that Cena will finally start whooping everyone’s tail as the great superhuman strength, rappin, saluting, fan favorite freak that the WWE wants us to believe that he is, but it never happened. Each week, Nexus continually kept getting the upper hand. This was totally unlike WWE to allow their hero to continually get pummeled.
If you follow the wrestling news boards at all (which obviously you do since you are reading this article) you saw rumors of Cena making a heel turn to join Nexus which I thought would have been great. What better angle than to turn your greatest hero to a heel? Right Hulk?
But alas, with low Nexus shirt sales and the WWE obviously running out of ideas, they did get John Cena to join the Nexus but not willingly but reluctantly through the stipulation of Wade Barrett winning his allegiance in a match. Still not an awful idea but here is where the angle turns south.
John Cena is a great athlete, athletic specimen and talented cash cow for the WWE but he is NOT and I repeat is NOT a great actor (see The Marine). It is almost un-watch able every week to see Cena with a long face begrudgingly does the wishes of Wade Barrett. If you haven’t seen RAW in the past few weeks (due to being busy making videos asking us to stand up for the WWE and not to wear our WWE merchandise when we vote in Connecticut), here is a common occurrence:
Cena: “But Wade, I don’t want to deliver an attitude adjustment to my friends and help the Nexus”
Barrett: (insert thick accent) “ Cena! If you do not do what I say right now, then you will be FIRED!!!!(you still deliver that line much better than anyone else)”
Cena: (insert long, sad face) (insert long drawn out pause) (insert giant gulp) (insert attitude adjustment) (insert Cena getting up quickly from mat) (insert Cena pouting) (insert Barrett laughing as Nexus nods in approval)
This is killing a possible great angle. I could totally see the Miz pull this off, or Edge or Jericho or even Santino (that sum-u-mah-gun)! I mean WWE needs to play to its strengths and while I’m sure this sounds great in the booker’s head or even looks great written down on paper, John Cena can NOT pull this angle off. His gulp in unbelief is cartoonish and he delivers his lines as comfortably as Shaquille O’Neal on Saturday Night Live.
Please Mr. McMahon, please let Cena enjoy joining Nexus. Let him see the follies of his way and embrace Nexus’ plan to rule the WWE. Let him tag with Barrett and enjoy quick tags to the man with the brightest future in the WWE.
Then again, it could be worse, the WWE could get rid of Bret Hart as the RAW General Manager and let Michael Cole read emails of an anonymous general manager whose email inbox is obviously hooked up through the lights of the arena….
P.S. As a personal note, I heard a rumor that Bastion Booger was making a comeback in the WWE as the love interest of “LayCool” and would change their name to “LayCooler”. Can you confirm or deny?