BY JERRY AND GRANDPA DUDLEY
Once again it’s early Sunday morning here in Beautiful Downtown Lower Dudleyville and that can mean only one thing, it’s time for WEW. Grandpa and I are set to go; Grandma is upstairs cutting z’s so loudly that she might wake-up the residents of the Dudleyville Cemetery and Racquet Club, Division of The Acme Corporation. I am afraid she might even wake Douchebag Doophus Page, over at the Railroad Tracks Heavenly Garden’s Trailer Park section of Not-So-Beautiful Upper Dudleyville (NSB UD). The last thing we need is for him to knock on our door looking for a handout. The show is about to start.
The show began and we saw Black Barbie stretching on the floor. The camera man moved down to her breasts and Barbie told him to stay on her face on he might regret it. She is well over six feet tall, with blonde hair and muscles in places that most people don’t even have places. I would hate to meet her in a dark alley … or anywhere else. She cut a promo on her opponent Amy Love, saying Amy may think she’s a Super Model, but this was wrestling and she would show her what a real model is. She ended by calling herself, ‘The most beautiful and most powerful bitch here.’ No argument from me … My mother didn’t raise any fools.
We then saw ‘Super Model’ Amy Lee cutting a promo on Barbie. Amy is a true hottie, and would fit into WWE as a Diva or TNA as a Knockout. Lollipop has competition. Grandpa has a case of the drools. Amy said ‘Barbie can go to her Barbie Dream House, her Barbie Car and that Scum Bag Ken.’ She added that she ‘never played with Barbie Dolls, that she tore their hair out, broke their arms and legs and threw them out.’ She planned to do the same to Black Barbie.
We then saw the weekly video (a new one), by the usual type band. It had shots from ‘this’ month’s PPV, ‘Nude Booty Kick,’ followed by the usual WEW commercials.
We went to the ring and Barbie (B) was there. To say she wasn’t a fan favorite would be a bit of an under statement. The announcer (and it wasn’t calm and cool Eric Gargulio), whose name was never given, said ‘General Manger Bill Alfonso (showing this is a rather recent show) had better be careful as Barbie grabbed the mic and said she planned to even the score with a couple of women in the back. Amy (A) came out and the match got underway. B pushed A into a corner, shouted in her face, turned her back and strutted away, totally disrespecting A. A smiled, walked up to B and slapped the taste out of her mouth. B punched A and applied an Arm Wringer, which A reversed into a Top Wrist Lock. A Go Behind by A, and she took B to the mat. With that, we went to commercial.
When we go back, B got up and kicked A in the face, showing how limber she is. She then took A down and tried for a pin. B applied a Standing Surf Board against the ropes, and then took her down. She stood on A’s hair and pulled up on her arms. After the ref made her break the hold, she Kicked and Punched A, followed by a Standing Suplex and pinning attempt. A came back with a series of punches. B threw A into the ropes and caught her as she came off. She picked her up and applied a Back Breaker over her knees. She let A drop, punched her in the gut as she got to her feet and again tried for a pin. A rallied with a pair of Drop Kicks that sent B reeling. As B got to her feet, A nailed her with a Side Walk Slam that would make Kane proud. A pinning attempt was in vain. B destroyed A with a Spine Buster. She followed that with a Cradle Pin and Fat Lady started singing. After the ref held her hand up, B strutted around the ring, showing disdain for A. Commercial time.
We then saw Klondyke (another name selected by WEW’s VP In-Charge of coming up with names) walk into the Men’s Restroom, where two men were relieving themselves in urinals. Klondyke stood at the urinal between them as if she was doing the same. ‘She’ is well over six feet tall and exceeds 200 pounds, with not much fat on her. I think she came to the arena after kicking the crap out of two mean grizzlies. If I didn’t want to meet Barbie anywhere, I certainly wouldn’t want to face this monster. She cut a promo on her opponent, Annie Social, for tonight’s second match, saying her days were numbered. The best way to describe Klondyke is, ‘She’s a F’N Moose.”
We went to Annie Social, who laughed at Klondyke’s comments, saying she wasn’t scared of ‘any man’ and would show Klondyke who runs WEW. Message to Annie, ‘Be Afraid, be very afraid.’
We went to the ring and Klondyke (K) came out first and immediately got into it with the fans. She grabbed the mic out of the ring announcers hand. He was smart and didn’t object as K stared at him. She again cut a promo on Annie (A). A came out, followed by Chief Referee Isis. She went around the ring and glad handed several of the drunks at ringside. The match got underway with K asking for a test of strength. A reached up to locks hands with K, and just about reached K’s elbows. K got a big chuckle out of it. As she was cackling, A surprised her with an Arm Drag and takedown. As K got to her feet. A threw her into the ropes and took her down again with a Leg Trip as K came off. A applied a Headlock and took K to the mat. K was obviously pissed and frustrated as she got to her feet. She picked A up and nailed her with a Belly-To-Back Suplex. K kicked A as she lay writhing on the mat, following up by stomping on her wrist and hand. She dragged A to the ropes and shoved her body between the 2nd and top ropes, with her arms draped over the top rope, She went to the apron and delivered a series of Knife Edge Chops to A’s chest and face. Next came a Snap Suplex and failed attempt at a pin. She threw A into the ropes and caught her with a vicious kick as she came off. A came back as she reversed K’s whip into the ropes, and hit her a Chop as she came off. A applied a Small Package and Cradle, but K kicked out before the three count. K whipped A into the ropes and blasted her with a DDT as she came off. She picked A up on her shoulders and smashed her into the mat (and maybe though it) with an FU from hell (Somewhere John Cena is smiling). A appeared to be out cold and the three count was a blessing for her. Klondyke may very well have been using that center urinal because there aren’t many females that can stand up to her … and that includes WWE and TNA. The fat lady didn’t have to sing as I thought I heard The Undertaker’s Dirge. Annie may not get up this season. With Annie’s end, the show ended as well.
Grandpa felt sorry for Annie, but thoughts of Lollipop’s and Candy Canes (more likely Lollipop and Amy Love) danced in his head. He dashed upstairs and I dashed to the door.
Until next time ….
BY JERRY AND GRANDPA DUDLEY