Hello.
Instead of the customary lyrics at the beginning, I am now just going to put the You Tube video or whatever down at the bottom. So, now it’s up to you if you want to watch it or listen to it while reading RAW Rage. I’ll try to put songs that don’t suck in (but there are no guarantees).
Good Tuesday to you, sweat stain. Tis me – back from another two week hiatus. Much like the regular season of “Lost†or “Friends†– we really only want to showcase new episodes during sweeps week.
A couple of programming notes before we get into this thing. Changes are coming to RAW Rage. Or, at least I’m thinking of making some changes. Sometimes a person needs to make things fresh – so I’m re-evaluating my stance on Triple H Facts and Words of Wisdom. I don’t know what they will be replaced with if they go – but let me know if losing one of these two sections would make you sad. Anyway – this week may or may not be their swan song. Or not. Sometimes it’s easy to be lazy.
This week on RAW Rage we will welcome back Jeff Hardy, give an injury analysis of Hulk Hogan, see what was good about RAW (and maybe even what was bad), and all the rest.
But first…
Places To Read RAW Rage
You can read RAW Rage on Salty Ham.com – the greatest website in the world.
And
You can read RAW Rage on XHeadlines.com – currently #2 on the website greatest in the world list.
Betcha didn’t know that.
Shameless Plugs
Corwin is ranting on Saturdays now. Please make a note of it.
I dig Larry T. The guy makes you want to watch TNA.
Scott continues to entertain too with his Epistle.
Don’t miss Time Wasting Websites. It’s fun for the whole family.
And, as always:
WWE Does Not Discriminate Upon the Basis of Sexual Orientation
So, Jeff Hardy is coming back.
And, I suppose that’s pretty good news for a lot of people. Certainly, Jeff adds a measure of excitement in the ring…at least, whenever he seems to care. I guess that whole “band†thing didn’t really work out.
Of course, the biggest problem Jeff has always had is that he seems to adopt a very lackadaisical attitude whether they’ve given him anything to do or not. This is a guy that made a pretty cool program with the Undertaker look like he was bored with it all (not to mention getting down with Trish…but he might have been uncomfortable with that for other reasons). And he does have a history of forgetting to show up for shows when he’s in the title hunt.
But hey – it will be nice to have old green, red, purple hair and florescent paint in the face guy back. There’s nothing he can do to hurt things in the E.
Plus, RVD needs a smoke buddy.
You Know How I Know Your Old?
…When you injure yourself getting up from a couch.
Hulk Hogan is likely out of SummerSlam due to being old or being Hogan. Reports are that the Hulkster screwed up his good knee with a partially torn meniscus. He claims he was getting up from the couch and heard a snap. When Ric Flair heard that, he proclaimed, “Wooo! That’s old!â€
There have been grumblings about the validity of the injury due to Hogan pulling a similar stunt with Jarrett back when Hulk was thinking of helping TNA out. But then Vince told Hogan if he’d like to be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, he might want to re-evaluate his position on things. Plus, rumor has it that Hogan wasn’t too keen on doing the J-O-B to Double J and conveniently got himself laid up.
So now, the thinking is that since it wouldn’t do to have Orton lose to a legend (seeing as how he’s the Legend Killer), Hogan is backing out of having to do the J-O-B to the son of the guy who couldn’t even officially participate in WrestleMania I. Hogan may have a point there. I mean, if his daddy couldn’t even hold his jock – why should he have to lose to his kid?
But there could be more to this, seeing as how I have to believe that Hulk didn’t dig on how they were playing the Brooke/Randy connection. There was something entirely creepy about that scenario anyway. And Hogan has enough cash to never get off the couch again, if he doesn’t want to. So, why should he be seen as weaker than Randy Orton (who, incidentally, will probably end up fired from the company anyway – since he has such a bad track record…and then get re-hired again five years later)?
Normally I don’t defend the Orange Wonder – but I think today I understand a little bit. Sure, it’s sorry for him to commit to a program with Orton – but I think we’ve all come to expect that Hulk will pull his weight around whenever he wants to.
Think HBK would like a do-over on that whole Legend vs. Icon match?
Five Things to Like About RAW
Since the IWC always takes a dump on anything ever put on television by Vince and Co., I decided it was time to give you wrestling fans an alternative by finding five good things about RAW.
1) The McMahons dressed up as Elvis and sang. Although I think I saw the Honky Tonk Man walk in and ask, “You call those sideburns?â€
2) If you have it on tape – go back and watch when Melina and Johnny Nitro go watch the #1 contender match at the announcer booth. When Melina is doing the splits on the table – Nitro clearly puts his finger in her butt. I am not kidding.
3) Cena gave Viscera the F-U. You had to be impressed with that (even if putting a guy in a standing fireman’s carry isn’t that hard. But still.
4) Even though Flair was clearly drunk (the guy threw the microphone down in the beginning of his promo and then kept talking – then picked it back up – sloshed), the segment with those two was very good with Foley pulling out the interesting aspect of a guy just saying no to a match (even though it really doesn’t make sense that he said yes two seconds later).
5) Umaga beat Triple H. I don’t care how they do it – if they really want to continue to build Umaga into a monster – this is the way to do it.
See? It wasn’t so bad.
Or was it?
Five Things to Hate About RAW
I realized after just pointing out the good things about RAW week after week that it wasn’t fair to the reader who likes his IWC all kinds of critical. And so, I present five things to hate about RAW as a service to you.
1) Seriously, how many times are we going to have to watch a wrestler cross the boss and get arrested? It almost seems as if the writers on the show only have ever written one storyline and simply plugged in different names.
2) Carlito and Trish. Yeah – EVERYONE believes THAT would happen.
3) Edge has a right to be pissed – but not about not getting on the cover of some stupid poster or magazine. He should be pissed that his WWE Title match is playing second fiddle to the stupid DX angle. It’s as if the title is an afterthought and that’s flat out ridiculous.
4) I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – Cena needs to quit trying to be the Rock. It’s so freaking irritating to see some white guy from Boston who thinks he’s street tough (because we all know that Boston is really known as “The Hoodâ€) do a cheap and bad Rock imitation. Next thing you know, Cena will be referring to himself in third person and telling people to know their roll.
5) Just because your in Memphis doesn’t mean Lawler has to wrestle. Most people don’t care.
See? I can enjoy both sides of the spectrum.
Triple H Facts
Will this be the last week for this?
If so, enjoy this fact today:
“In ancient China there is a legend that one day a child will be born from a dragon, grow to be a man, and vanquish evil from the land. That man is not Triple H, because Triple H killed that man.â€
Words of Wisdom
This too could be the last week to enjoy Words of Wisdom. But then again – I could forget all about dropping it next week if I can’t think of something new to do.
Enjoy:
“Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researches also discovered other similarities between the two, but can’t remember what they are.”
– Mat Lauer, Today Show, NBC
“Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country.”
– Marion Barry, Washing, D.C. Mayor
Okay everyone – I hope to be around next week. Be looking for a cool Movie Section Special next week on Saltyham.com
And to all Salty Ham Staff Members – START WRITING YOUR COLUMNS!!!
Roland
[From Young Guns]
China Girl: You look like trouble.
Doc: Trouble? I’m a poet, with flowers of all things.
China Girl: And a gun… it’s a big gun.
Doc: It’s a big town. Come on Yin, all I want is a chance.
