The WWE and Raw videos play respectively. I find it just a little strange that Raw has had the same theme song for 3 years while SmackDown! has gone through about three or four in the same time. I’m not complaining because it’s a good song, but still. Joey Styles opens the show up by talking about Ric Flair’s recent run-ins with the law over his road rage. Definitely an odd-ball story of the year and I wonder how it will turn out. From there, it’s announced that the Cutting Edge will debut tonight with Ric Flair as the guest. Oh, I smell a good segment coming up if they are going to shoot (by which I mean script shoot) like the rumors said. We also see that it will be Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin against Kurt Angle and Carlito. But first, it’s time for a little McMahon air time as he strolls out in a garbage truck of all things!
Vince gets in the ring which is set up debate style with a chair in the middle where I assume Vince will sit. Vince goes on to say that he told Bischoff if he didn’t meet his goal, it would be time to take out the trash. Fortunately, Bischoff failed his task so what we have a trash truck with the only thing missing being the trash! He then welcomes out the “current” general manager, Eric Bischoff, who comes out very timidly next to the garbage truck. God, I hate to be in the arena smelling that thing all night. Bischoff gets in the ring and grabs a mike much to Vince’s chagrin. Bischoff goes onto talk about how it’s more than a job to him and it’s not about what about he does, but who he is! He then pleads with Bischoff to please let him keep his job. Who saw that one coming? Vince then stops him before he makes a fool of himself and asks him why he has this set-up in the ring. He says it’s because he’s a fair man (another thing I’ll have to touch down upon at another time) and he thinks that everyone should have their day in court and tonight will be the trial of Eric Bischoff! Vince will be the judge and he’s already taken care of appointing the prosecutor and defending counsel. He says now is a good time to hear the opening arguments and it’s time to hear from Bischoff’s counsel who is Coach! Oh, god; just seal Bischoff’s fate now. Even Bischoff has the look of complete disappointment. Poor Coach. Coach gets on the mike and says that he’s got this so don’t worry. Got what exactly? The ability to bog down a show by talking? Anyway, Coach addresses Vince and tells him that Bischoff is an asshole. Whoa, what the hell kind of trial is this? He then goes on to say that Bischoff is not his friend nor does he get paid to do that. He gets paid to make the most exciting wrestling show which he has done for four years. Two corrections: one, it’s only been little over three, Johnny. Two, I highly doubt you can call 2003 an exciting year for Raw. Coach then says by the end of the night, he will prove that not only does Bischoff deserves to keep his job, but also deserves a raise! In closing, Coach says that Bischoff is the single greatest general manager in WWE history. Really? Even more so than Eugene? But he had a playpen as an office! A playpen!
McMahon then calls out the prosecution which turns out to be Mrs. Foley’s baby boy, Mick Foley! Don’t think he came out alone too; he’s carrying his Batman lunchbox to match Coach’s briefcase! I think Foley’s carrying case wins. Foley makes his opening case by saying that no one has done more to benefit Raw than Bischoff. He brings up the WCW incident where WCW announced Foley would win the title and half a million fans switched over to Raw causing a reversal in the war that WWE would never relinquish. He will prove that as a general manager, Bischoff was conniving, manipulative, and deceitful and he has failed to entertain the general public especially here in Charleston! Is it really a Foley promo (or opening case) without a cheap pop? McMahon then says that this trial will continue in the WWE trial of law and by the end of the night, we will decide the fate of Bischoff. Say what you want about WWE, but this is good stuff right here. Foley coming out with a Batman lunchbox? McMahon as a judge? This is good stuff.
Commercial break times one equals a nice foreshadow of how the night’s going to go.
WWE World Tag Team Championship
Giants Of Wrestling (c) Vs. Ladies’ Men Vs. The Juice Kings Vs. The Heart Throbs
This was basically a squash match killing all the other teams and putting over the giants some more. It was a little fun though with moments like Big Show palming and picking up one of the Heart Throbs and Kane and Big Show ganging up on Viscera. It also had some botched moments, but considering some of the people in the match, are you surprised? The ending was pretty cool too; Kane grabbed a Heart Throb, Big Show grabbed Venis, and then Tomko ran out at them with a big boot. Big Show swatted the big boot away and then Kane gave him a big boot of his own. They then picked up the mess that was Tomko and delivered three simultaneous chokeslams. Pretty cool stuff if you ignore the botched moves which you should expect by now from the Juice Kings and Viscera.
Winners: Giants Of Wrestling
Star Wrestling: Big Show
This was just a squash so it really boils down to Big Show and Kane, but in the end, I’m digging the new sadistic and pissed off Big Show than I am Kane/ Plus, Big Show swatted a big boot attempt. Swatted! When have you ever seen that before?
We then go to a vignette of the WWE court of law with McMahon in the judge’s slot, Foley at the prosecuting table (lunchbox and all), and Coach with Bischoff on the other side. Chris Masters will be playing your bailiff tonight which is great because he’s not wearing a shirt, a comedy riff at McMahon loving the good bodies I guess. McMahon starts the trial off with the introductions and tells Foley to get his boot off “the court’s table” and begin. “Sorry, Vince” “That’s your honor.” Foley then points at Vince saying, “your honor.” How much you want to bet McMahon wants to be called your honor all the time backstage now? Foley then calls his first witness: Stephanie McMahon, who comes out to her music naturally. Foley asks Stephanie is she was a general manger, to which she responds yes. Foley then asks her about Bischoff’s conduct as a GM and she goes on a spiel, of course. First, she says both she and Shane want Bischoff removed. Then, she says actions speak louder than words and Foley introduces exhibit A which is the footage from 2002 of Bischoff grabbing a kiss on the Halloween SmackDown! episode. She goes on to talk about the vile taste she still has in her mouth (when it looked like she enjoyed it) and some comedy ensues. Coach objects to which McMahon edges in the “Shut up!” comment much to my pleasure like last week. He then excuses himself and says overruled to which Stephanie thanks her daddy. Vince looks a little distraught and Stephanie corrects herself and calls him “your honor.” I wonder how long Vince will ride on the coattails of that one. With that, Bischoff looks like a sad panda and we go to a commercial break.
Commercial break times two equals a fun little squash and good trial segment.
Coming back from break, they show a video of the past two trips to Iraq and pump up this year’s trip in two weeks. Say what you want about the McMahons, but that is a damn fine match. They then show Art Meyers in the crowd who is the guy responsible for these trips. It’s a great thing, guys, whether you like WWE or not. Mickie James and Victoria then come out and my heart goes into near seizure as we are getting a match between just the two of them!
Mickie James Vs. Victoria
This was a complete let-down from what I thought; but since it’s WWE, I shouldn’t be surprised, should I? This was still better than your tags and six man tags the Divas are giving us as well as any Trish-Victoria match since October, but it was still hovering closely to the average side of things while shifting slowly back to bad. It was just kind of sluggish here and there with no real spots except for interference. When you need interference to make a match matter, there is obviously a problem in the backstage creative meetings. Look at the TNA main events, for example. I’d like to forget about this match with the shitty kicks and punches and horrible interference so to wrap it up, Victoria won the match with a quick roll-up and yanking on the tights after some crappy interference.
Winner: Mickie James
Star Wrestler: Victoria
Mickie James was a bit sluggish in the match which really surprised me, but like all this year, Victoria was the glue in the match holding it all together. With each week, I think my heart goes out to Victoria more and more because she’s got to know that even if she’s released from WWE or she quits, there’s really nowhere else to go in America. TNA with their “women’s division” of two females (one of which was in the worst match of this decade). ROH with their…um…yeah. The only place I could think of would be IWA Mid-South, but they are going through so many questions, it would be the question, “Why?”
We then go back to the trial of Bischoff and Tajiri is on the stand talking in sweet sounding Japanese. That’s such a fun language, but only if you don’t understand it. Just like Ethiopian. The translator says that Tajiri has been a big star in Japan and ECW, but Eric ignores us. That’s Vince, Tajiri. Sorry to burst your bubble. He goes on some more and after some prodding, the translator finally says “I wish a pregnant rhinoceros would shove it’s mighty horn up Eric’s anal crevice.” What the hell? Where did that come from? More importantly, why has it taken WWE four years to finally give Tajiri a translator? Tajiri then speaks in English (after his translator tries to translate his English) and says he hopes Bischoff gets “feyred.” You rule, Tajiri. I’m going to miss you, buddy! Bischoff then whispers something into Coach’s ear and Coach says they have no questions, but a request for Tajiri to hurry back to the arena because he has a match with Triple H tonight! Tajiri then flips out and tries to attack Bischoff, but bailiff Masters grabs him and takes him out. Aww, it would have been so much better if Masters put him in the Masterlock and dragged him out. Oh, well. Coach then says that Bischoff made the match out of the spirit of competition, not spite. McMahon fakes an agreement and Foley calls his next witness: Mae Young! She comes out with Moolah, of course. When have you ever seen Young and not Moolah in the past six years? As they make their way in, Bischoff looks like he’s getting a monster headache and we go to another break.
Commercial break times three equals a pretty bland women’s match followed by the question all of American wants to know: why hasn’t WWE given Tajiri a translator before?